


To Become Whole

by EmeraldSoul



Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cowboy AU, Don't worry, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Modern AU, mountains and horses and fictional gay people, nothing like Brokeback Mountain, sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 12:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 25
Words: 66,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3528680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldSoul/pseuds/EmeraldSoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I got the idea for this fic as I was riding. I've been looking for a good AU to stick these two in, and to my knowledge, there's no cowboy AU yet. (EDIT: It has been brought to my attention there is one. Thank you to LaMonica for that!)</p><p>Agron is a war veteran and co-owner of a trail riding/pack train operation in the Canadian Rockies, and Nasir is an immigrant who's lived in Canada most of his life. Nasir decides he wants to see the mountains, and Agron had decided that people just aren't worth the trouble...but a spark ignites, and takes them both by surprise.</p><p>Slow-build relationship, minimal smut, for the simple reason that I'm not comfortable writing it. There'll be sex, just not in-depth (teehee) details.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Solitary Paradise

He awoke to the sound of the breeze gently rustling the grass around him. Beside him, his horse snorted softly and went back to grazing.  
_Again?_ he thought to himself. He got up slowly, testing to see if his impromptu nap had aggravated any joints, and was relieved to find it had not. He blinked several times, trying to clear away the blurriness that resulted from sleep.  
This was the third time this month he had stopped for a break and ended up falling asleep. Could’ve been much worse, he thought, gazing out at the valleys stretched below him.  
  
“Well, buddy? Ready to pack’er in?” he absently asked his horse, voice gruff from disuse. In reply, the animal cocked an ear in his direction, continuing to snack.  
This was a new horse that was being tested to see if he was fit for duty as a pack horse. So far it had gone well, with a few minor spooks and stumbles, but that was to be expected after bringing the horse so far from his home and onto uncertain terrain. And this was only his third time on the trail. It wasn’t enough for the horse to be sound; the animals had to possess a kind of instinct for the trail that you just can’t train into them. It either exists, or it doesn’t.  
Agron knew of other pack-horse businesses in the Rockies that bought horses when they needed to indiscriminately, without a thought for how well-suited the horse was to the work. He and his partner had much higher standards. If the horse wasn’t fit for the rigours of the mountains, he passed them on to a friend of his that auctioned horses to folk that wanted simple pleasure horses.  
Walking over to the handsome bay gelding*, Agron untied his lead-rope from the branch he was tethered to.  
“Come on bud, I’ll catch hell if I get us home after sundown,” Agron said gently, pulling the horse’s face up from the grass with the lead. He led him over to where he put the bridle.  
Many other guides called him an idiot for taking off the horse’s bridle when they stopped for a break, but Agron figured he would wait a while on the upper part of the trail to see how the horse handled his new surroundings, and he figured he wouldn’t like it very much if he had to stand around with a metal bar in his mouth, and try to eat past it no less. No, the comfort of the horse was always the highest thing on Agron’s priority list, and if he could do anything to further it, he would. After all, he sort of knew he would be taking a long time. This was the first real day of the coming summer, when most of the snow had vanished from the mountains, and damn it, he was going to enjoy himself. Winter in the Rockies was never a season to sneeze at, and it always seemed to last an eternity.  
“Aw, come on, Spartan. It’s not all that bad! Come on, open…” Agron coaxed, trying to ease the bit into the horse’s mouth. At last, Spartan gave way, and as he champed the metal piece around in his mouth, Agron fastened the rest of the straps of the bridle and collected the jacket he had been using as an improvised pillow.  
The sun was now past its zenith, moving lazily towards the west. Eager to make his sunset deadline, he mounted the horse and urged him back down the trail with a few gentle clucks and only a tiny bit of pressure from his legs.  
“Now, there’s only a few hours til the mountains obscure that sun, so we best get moving,” Agron said to Spartan. The horse moved onward lazily, still reaching for leaves on taller bits of underbrush as they re-entered the forest. Agron was having none of it. He kicked the horse once abruptly, achieving a faster pace. Spartan stopped browsing, realizing Agron meant business.  
And with no warning whatsoever, as they rounded a switchback down the trail, a lynx jumped out right in front of them, bounding after some unseen prey. He was gone an instant later, but the damage had been done. Fully expecting disaster, Agron rooted his seat into the saddle and held on, preparing for the worst. But the horse only snorted in alarm, half-raising his front legs off the ground, and veering from side to side. Using his legs to steer, he guided the horse back to the center of the trail, and halted him for what felt like hours. Adrenaline still coursing through them both, Agron let out a shuddery breath, and patted the horse with his left hand, praising him breathlessly. After rotating his ears all about, Spartan moved forward at Agron’s gentle urging, if more cautiously than before. He smiled to himself.  
Oh yeah, he would be keeping this horse.


	2. Home On the Range

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we introduce the one OC that I will go into and characterize, Myra. Don't worry, the focus will still be very much on Agron (and eventually Nasir too), but I needed another character that I could take all the liberties I want with.   
> Also this chapter serves to get a bearing on the everyday surroundings. I know, I know...but it is important!

“What on earth kept you, you half-grown yeti?” Myra berated him, slapping him with her hat as he dismounted Spartan.

“Ah, come on, you couldn’t expect me to just ignore such a beautiful day? The grass was just beckoning me!” Agron answered, chuckling. There weren’t many people that Agron had patience for, but Myra was an exception. Over the years, she’d taught him all he needed to know about horses and how to conduct himself in the boonies. He’d given up faith in people in general, but those that were lucky enough for him to consider ‘friend’ had the most loyal friend anyone could ask for. 

“Point taken. The stars aren’t out yet, so I guess you’re safe,” she said, grinning teasingly. “So, how’d the new blood work out?”

“I think we found ourselves another bona-fide trail horse, Myra. You should have seen him. Completely at ease with the surroundings, and has a fine sense about him. He didn’t pitch me to the ditch or anything when a lynx bounded across the trail. He just half-reared and did some fancy stepping. He calmed down sooner than I did!” Agron said, smiling. He patted the horse on the shoulder. “Well, I should put him away. Not that he’ll be wanting for feed.”

“What was that?” Myra asked sharply. “You let him snack his guts out on grass again, didn’t you?”

“It’s not like it’ll kill him!” He put his hands up in defense as Myra advanced on him, trying to slap him again with the hat. He smiled innocently.

“No! But it throws off the routine! You know how important it is for horses to adjust to a new feed schedule, especially in a new place!” She wasn’t shouting, but she was clearly disgruntled. She heaved a deep sigh. “Fine. Send him to bed. Then muck out the stalls, will ya? They’re starting to look pretty gnarly.”

Putting two fingers to his head in a mock salute, he stepped off with the horse before she could berate him about anything else.   
“And miles to go before I sleep…” he murmured, half to himself and half to Spartan. It was an old Robert Frost poem he’d read a while back, and for some reason that part stuck with him. Couldn’t remember the rest of it for the life of him though. 

The stable filled with a chorus of nickers and soft whinnies as he opened the door, and he turned on the lights to find eleven friendly faces staring out at him. The stable was built to house up to 25 horses, but so far they hadn’t needed to expand the herd further. 

“Yeah yeah, you great brutes. Greenhorn, coming through.” He hitched Spartan to a ring outside his stall and began untacking him. Eager to be done with the day and get to bed, he sped up the process, giving the bay a quick but thorough brush-down and checking his hooves. After it was all done, he returned Spartan to his new stall. 

“Now, if I catch you beating the door down at 1 am again, I’ll be having some choice words with you.” Spartan just eyed his wagging finger, trying to grasp at it with his lips. Agron chuckled. “Ah, you know I can’t resist you, you big buffoon. You just learned it faster than the rest.” He patted the horse’s white star marking on his forehead, finally turning to his last task of the night.

Myra had been right. The stalls were getting pretty “gnarly”, with shavings littered with piles of manure and clumped together with urine. Sometimes he wished they could just turn the herd loose at night, so he wouldn’t have to deal with so much, well, crap. The trouble was the wildlife. 

There had been a few incidents where some predator had snuck into the pen at night, and hadn’t so much harmed the horses with its own teeth or claws, but the panic it caused in the herd was enough to injure more than one of them. They got rowdy when they were all panicked like that, and rowdy usually meant a scraped leg or two and numerous bites and kicks. Nothing serious, but still had the potential to be a disaster. And they had the stable, so why not? Eventually the horses learned to accept that they would be indoors overnight, and hopefully they appreciated it when the driving rains came. 

With a practiced hand, the task of mucking the stalls went rather quickly. Putting the fork away, he remembered the days when he would spend nearly four hours mucking out the stalls. Now it took him less than two. 

He made his way back to the humble little cabin that he called home. He lived there with Myra, and though sometimes people got the wrong idea and assumed them to be a couple, it didn’t bug him much. He was here for the peace and quiet, and what the tourists thought wasn’t his concern.

“Finished up, have you?” Myra called as he walked in.  
“Yep. Hey, did you make any food?” he answered, moving towards the small kitchen. There was a pot on the stove half full of spaghetti and meat sauce.  
“Yeah, help yourself,” she answered. He loved living here for more than one reason. As long as he did his share, he was taken care of in terms of lodging and food. That was just the way he liked it. No complications, no messy drama...Myra wasn’t really the dramatic type. That was the main reason they got on so well. He served himself a bowl of pasta, then joined Myra on the couch in the main room, sitting so that his legs were crossed. They had a fair-sized tube TV with 2 channels, so neither of them watched much in the way of TV shows. 

“Whatcha watching?” Agron asked, scooping forkfuls of pasta hastily into his mouth. Myra side-eyed him briefly, then flicked her gaze back up to the TV.   
“I rented a movie from the corner store when I did my errand run today. Called Pacific Rim. It’s crazy, they stuff they come out with these days.”  
“Isn’t this like the one you brought back a couple of months ago? I seem to remember glowy blue shit in that one too,” Agron said through a mouthful of food. The side-eye returned, and this time didn’t conceal her disdainful look. He stopped chewing for a second, looking at her, then swallowed. “Sorry,” he said unconvincingly.   
“No, that was Avatar,” she replied. “Completely different story.”  
“Ah yeah? What’s this one about then?” He managed to swallow before he spoke this time. She sighed and paused the movie. What they DID have was a DVD player.   
“It’s about aliens that attack earth-”  
“Aha! But still aliens!”  
“Would you shut up? You asked,” she grumbled. “Anyway, they come through a rift in the ocean and they’re like the size of mountains. They destroy a bunch of cities and keep coming and coming so humans built giant robots called Jaegers to stop them.” She explained the rest of the plot a bit further.  
“...so, aliens arrive on a planet, and attempt to take over the place for the sake of a resource. I don’t know, Myra, I’m just not seeing the distinctions,” he said, getting up to put his empty dish away.  
“You uncultured swine!” He chuckled to himself. It’s not like she had much more exposure to the outside world than he did. Again, he liked it that way.   
“Right, we’ll I’m turning in. Night, Myra,” he called as he walked up the stairs to his room.  
“Night, Agron,” she replied absently. It was only after she heard his door click shut that she remembered. Quickly stabbing the pause button, she scrambled out of her blanket and chased up the stairs, opening the door to Agron’s room. “Listen, I forgot to mentio-”  
It was too late. He was already snoring. She smiled fondly at the sight of the big man sprawled out on his bed, and shut the door quietly as she backed out of the room.   
“At breakfast, then,” she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t dislike Avatar or Pacific Rim at all, just so you guys know. I actually love both of them. Probably more than I should. I’m just going with Agron’s character here, maybe projecting a bit of what I know of mountain-men types onto him. I don’t think he’d be super interested in pop culture, really.  
> Again, if you need clarification on something, just ask!


	3. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another fleshing-out chapter. I promise I'll write better stuff later! It picks up in the next chapter, rather abruptly.

As soon as Agron entered the kitchen the next morning and put eggs on the waiting pan, Myra broached the subject she’d forgotten to mention last night.  
“So, there’ll be the first group of the year coming in next week. Looks like it’ll be one of the bigger groups. Do you think you can start prepping the horses?” she asked. Agron had expected this news any day now; the season always started near the beginning of summer. 

“Yeah, no problem. What do we got this time?” he said, careful not to talk while chewing.

“Ah, the usual. Mostly North American names from what I can see, but there are a couple of foreign ones. One of them’s Chinese, I’m guessing, and the other appears to be Middle Eastern,” Myra answered, glancing at the list of names in front of her. This was a point of interest because they’d had guests in the past who didn’t speak a lick of english, and if they could learn a few key phrases in whatever language they might speak, it made the first part of the process that much easier.

“Sounds good. How many packers?”

“Five out of seven, it looks like. I dibs Jack and Smokey,” she said hastily, finishing the last of her own breakfast. 

“I knew you would. I think I’ll lead the train with Spartan, see how it works out. It should work nicely, considering how fast he’s established dominance among the geldings. You know, I think he’ll turn out to be a hell of a trail horse.” She eyed him questioningly.

“You sure that’s a good idea? I mean, he’s only been here a month.”

“Yeah, I trust him.”

“Alright. If he ditches you and you break both legs, don’t come running to me,” Myra warned as she left the room. 

Their equine operation had a dual purpose. Agron usually led the pack train up the trails, and Myra took the ride-alongs. He wanted nothing to do with potentially whiny tourists, and found leading a group of horses up the rocky trails much more manageable. The pack train was the more popular enterprise, offering all the comforts a hiker could bring on the trail without having to carry them. Hikers paid them to have their gear brought up to them by the horses so that they could hike the trails unencumbered. 

Agron finished his breakfast, washed the dish, and went out to greet the day’s work. He would spend some time just observing the horses while repairing some tack, just to get the gist of how the herd dynamic had changed with the addition of Spartan. Whenever a new horse was added, the entire web of relationships changed. Some horses were more dominant than others, much like a dog or wolf pack. There was a distinct pecking order, and Spartan had quickly risen to the top. He wasn’t particularly big compared to some of the other geldings, but he had a lot of character. Agron had liked him immediately for it when he first saw him.

The tack was all in relatively good repair, except for a few straps and buckles on some of the saddles and harnesses that needed to be adjusted. He set to his task, looking up occasionally to watch the horses in the paddock. The mares and the geldings were separated, as that was the easiest way to keep them all in some state of peace. Mixing geldings and mares usually ended up badly, save for a few exceptions. They had twelve horses total now, seven being geldings, and five being mares. Myra generally preferred mares while Agron usually preferred geldings - they were less troublesome. However, the two she had called “dibs” on were both geldings, and were the first picks for the guests who wanted to ride the trails instead of hike. 

Smokey was a laid-back warmblood mix, who right now was grooming Spartan, their necks beside each other. Agron smiled. Even though Spartan had risen to favour quickly, the others didn’t question it. He loved horses for that precise reason. Once the law was laid down, they accepted it, and minor squabbles usually went off without a hit. A few squeals or crow-hops, and it was done. Nothing like the grudges and all-out wars that humans seemed so quick to jump into. 

Jack was an older chestnut quarter horse who Myra favoured because of his extremely agreeable nature. He never gave the guests any trouble, and had a way of easing the nervousness of new riders. Right now, he was quietly eating from a flake of hay with two of the others. 

Agron finished working the last strap onto the last saddle that was due for repair, and set it aside.

“Alright, who’s up for a practice run?” he said. Spartan looked his way at the sound of his voice, and Smokey cocked an ear in interest. “Sorry bud, you’ll have to leave your new friend behind. I’ve got a position in mind for you.” He walked to the barn to prep the things he would need, including saddlebags stuffed with random items for the five horses he would need to re-introduce to the trails.   
\-----  
After the trial run and the horses were all cooled down, Agron went to talk to Myra about the logistics of the coming excursion. He found her in the kitchen, preparing what looked like it was going to be tonight’s dinner: stew. She never made anything overly elaborate, but simple suited Agron. He wasn’t picky, and anything that filled his stomach was awesome in his books. Mind you, freeze-dried food on the trail wasn’t his favourite thing and got tiresome after a while.  
“Smells good!” he said, eyeing the mixture of vegetables and beef chunks. 

“I know. I just hope you’ve got the next couple of days planned out, because then it’s your turn,” she reminded him.

“Myra. We’ve been doing this for what...6 years? I know the drill.” He had a great fondness for the fiery young woman, but she liked to remind him of the things that needed doing. Sometimes once too often.

“So, how’d the train ensemble work out? Any mishaps or spazz-outs?” she asked conversationally. 

“Nope, it went smooth as silk. I tell ya, I’m glad I’m the one who invested in Spartan, because there’s no way I’m handing him over. He kept the others focused like nobody’s business. That’s not to slander Dandy, he’s a great ride, but he’s a bit flighty. I can relax on Spartan, and that’s a welcome change. I switched it up a bit today, and he’s even fine carrying the packs,” he replied as he set out the utensils for dinner. “How ‘bout you?”

“Everything went as usual. No bumps or grumps. I think they’ll be well prepared for the onslaught of the busy season.” She tasted the stew, and deciding it was done, took it off the burner. After they sat down at their customary ends of the table, they wasted no time in tucking in. Horse work was hungry work, between the physical labour and concentration it often required, it was easy to work up an appetite. 

Myra finished slightly faster than Agron, and he caught her looking at him pointedly. 

“I know that look. What is it?” he asked, dipping a bread crust into the remainder of the broth in his bowl.

“Nothing. It’s just...don’t you ever miss the big city? Sure, life here has a peace to it that I would never entirely surrender, but it gets lonely...right?” Her voice sounded far away. He wasted no time with a response.

“Nup, never. There’s so much of everything in the city, and most of it’s useless crap. At least you can put the crap here on the plants and grow something,” he joked, smirking slightly, though not meeting her gaze. 

She was wandering into touchy territory, and she knew it. In six years, Agron had never revealed more than he needed to about his past, and even then, it was only if he was asked specific questions. Their conversations mostly pertained to business. Humour was his default defense mechanism in the face of emotional evaluation, and while he had a wicked (if crass) sense of humour, she sometimes wished she knew more about the man she ran her business with. There was depth in those green eyes, but most of it swirled behind a carefully controlled floodgate. Someday, the dam might just burst.

“Smartass,” she jabbed as she got up. “For once it would be nice to have a real conversation with you. You seem like a fascinating guy.” The disappointment was evident in her tone.

“Ah, so I suppose you’re imagining this then?” he smirked.

“Need I say more. It’s been a long day. Good night,” she said, ditching her bowl into the sink. It was his turn to do dishes tonight. 

“‘Night,” he replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tack is what you call all the things that you need to put on a horse in order to ride. The mares (female horses) are usually harder to deal with because mares rarely get “fixed”, and because of that there’s certain times when they’re more feisty or rambunctious. Geldings are usually more laid-back.  
> A crow-hop is kind of a half-buck that a horse will throw if it’s being sassy or disagreeable with a rider, and is usually used in horse-to-horse communication to express extreme frustration or discomfort.  
> As always, any questions, bring them to me!


	4. Shadows of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's where we get into some character depth.   
> **WARNING: Graphic depictions of violence and gore; PTSD symptoms.

“I remember,  
When I was a younger man  
We were soldiers,   
Fighting in a foreign land  
Now we’re older,  
And it’s happening again.”  
~It’s Happening Again, Griffin House  
\-------------

_It was happening again. The smell of acrid smoke and gunpowder was clear, and the screams echoing all around even more so. He opened his eyes to see civilians running from the blasts in panic, into the open fields beyond the small village._  
“Hoch, GET UP! There ain’t no time to be-”   
The disruptive voice was replaced with the unmistakable sound of a blast. The terrible pressure of the shockwave forced him against the wall again, and shrapnel clawed at the fibers of his uniform, which granted no entry to the oncoming assault. His forehead was bleeding profusely, however, obscuring his sight in the left eye. He could see a severed arm beside him…  
In the distance, the shape of a screaming young boy running out to the field to escape, followed directly by a Canadian soldier trying to stop him.  
One step too far. A mine erupted from the ground, and the two vanished in a plume of ruin.  
Oh gods, please bring me home…  
Please…

Agron woke with a primal scream that tore from his throat, bolting upright in bed, scrabbling at the sheets. He could not shake it, he was dead...he had to be…

“AGRON!” a voice called to him, hands on his shoulders, shaking him gently. His eyes snapped open. Myra’s light brown eyes met his, emanating reassurance, her hands on his shoulders strong and supportive.

He sat there, eyes darting all around, head on a swivel, still trying to determine whether or not he was safe. He took in the soft blue of the morning light on his walls, looked to his familiar surroundings, and decided he was ok. Somehow.

“Now there…,” Myra said, gently rubbing his upper arms now, “it’s alright. You hear me? You’re safe.” 

Swallowing forcefully, he nodded weakly. His rapid heartbeat and breathing were roaring in his ears. “Y-yeah…” he stammered, clearing his hoarse voice with a small cough. “I’m fine.”

“You sure look it,” Myra commented sympathetically. “Would it help you to talk about it?”

“Absolutely not,” he replied directly. “Go on. I’m alright.” She knew this was her cue to leave. The floodgates had already slammed shut. He read a look of sad resignation in her eyes as she got up off his bed and left the room. 

After blinking hard a few more times, he sat up straight, legs crossed, and bowed his head slightly, eyes closed. He inhaled through his nose for seven seconds, and then released the breath through his mouth in five seconds. He repeated this for a good ten minutes before his heart rate resembled a normal rhythm again. 

It was a trick he had learned from his year spent in recovery after his final tour in Afghanistan, and though he had felt foolish and weak at the time he learned it, he had employed it many times since then.

Realizing he was drenched in sweat, he threw off the covers and went for a shower, not even bothering to pull on some clothes. He usually only slept in his underwear, and there was no real point in dressing to walk across the hall. Ordinarily he waited until the end of the day to shower, because the day usually entailed becoming absolutely caked in dust and grit, but right now he wanted to wash off the memory of the nightmare as much as the sweat. 

When he finally did show up downstairs, Myra blessedly refrained from commenting. She knew he was a proud guy, and wanted to preserve his dignity. This wasn’t new to her. It happened more often when he had first come to live at the resort, and after the third time she had begun to wake him from his terror. They never talked about it after the fact, but she knew he appreciated it. He’d told her once that he was a veteran, and so she figured the dreams were a result of that. She always offered to talk, but he never took her up on it. 

They ate breakfast in silence. He had his customary eggs and ham with toast, and she had her usual bowl of porridge. She got up first, and retrieved the keys to the truck to run some errands in town.

“Bye, Agron,” she said as she left.

“Myra?” He surprised her.

“Yes?”

“...thank you.” 

With that, she flashed him a warm smile, and closed the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that was a short one, but I didn’t want to extend the brooding and trauma stuff. There’ll be time later. Now I’ll FINALLY start bringing Nasir into the picture :) Sorry if the start was too slow for you, I’ll try not to ramble about the horse-stuff...I’ve been riding for half my life (10 years), so I have a tendency to prattle on.  
> As for the veteran stuff...I’ve never actually known any vets from Afghanistan, so I’ll do my best to research the whole thing to do it justice. The LAST thing I want is to say something distasteful, so if you have any input for me, by all means, say so. I am sort of recalling the memoirs my grandpa wrote of his experience in WWII, I mean about the shock and horror of it all, but I am also aware that the two wars are veeeeerrry different conflicts.   
> I made Agron a Canadian (ok, so I’m biased), and just fyi this takes place in the Canadian rockies. I’m usually better at placing these stories… Anywho, onward!


	5. Crossing Paths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And, enter Nasir! When I said slow-build, I meant it. Enjoy!

The next week came quickly, and with it, the morning of the arrival of their first guests of the season. It was still early, and the sun had yet to emerge from behind the veil of mountains. The van pulled up with the seven guests, trailing a small trailer behind it to hold the gear. They were only going to be out on the trail for a week, but the stuff some of these people packed never failed to astound Agron. He understood that some people liked the idea of fresh clothes every day, but on the trail it just wasn’t practical. You had a shirt for sweating in and a shirt for relaxing in, and the same applied to pants. Well, of course extra undies were a must, but that did not account for the hundred pounds that some of these people packed. 

The group stepped out of the van, blinking a bit in the bright daylight after the dim of the tinted van windows as each of them came through the small side door.   
_The sooner we begin, the sooner it ends,_ Agron thought to himself.

“Hello everyone!” he began as soon as all of them had come out of the vehicle, “and welcome to Mount Perseus Trail Rides. I assume those of you who are leaving your stuff for the pack train have been informed of the weight restrictions?” He looked over the faces of them all. As he and Myra had suspected, most of them were white, probably Canadians. There was in fact one Asian man (Chinese he suspected), and one man that was certainly from the Middle East. Agron’s eyes lingered on him for just a bit longer than he meant, and the man unexpectedly returned his gaze, causing Agron to look away immediately.

In response to his question, they all nodded except for two, a man and woman who, judging by their proximity to each other, were a couple and the two riders. 

“Excellent. So, if you’ll just come to the office here, my partner will explain what’s going to happen.” He was never good with words. Myra had been dealing with some computer issues, so he was forced to be the one to greet the guests. Hopefully she was ready now, because he’d run out of things to say. He led them to the office and held the door for them all as they filed in.

“Welcome, guys! I’ve just checked the weather report, and it looks like you folks will have a fantastic week ahead! Not a shower in sight. So, who all’s riding today?” Myra asked. Agron sometimes envied her for her natural ability to talk to people. He’d been more proficient at one point, but since withdrawing to the mountains, his long separation from the bulk of society had alienated him further. 

The couple Agron had suspected to be the riders raised their hands. “That’s us,” the man said, stepping forward while holding his partner’s hand. Myra smiled.

“That means you’ll be stuck with me for the next week. I’m Myra, pleased to meet you!” she greeted, extending her hand. Each of them shook her hand. “I’ll debrief you guys separately if you don’t mind. As for the rest of you, your bags will be given to Agron, and he’ll run them up the pack trails and meet you at the designated stopping points along the trail. If you ever get confused, you’ll all have a map, and the sites are clearly marked by signs. Now, any more questions?”

The Middle Eastern man raised his hand and asked, “What about the horses that you leave behind? If both of you are out on the trails with us, won’t they need someone to take care of them?” Agron had come to some conclusions about what his voice may sound like, and he wasn’t sure exactly what he was expecting, but what he had just heard was not it. He only had the faintest ghost of an accent too, which Agron had not expected.

“Good question! Gerry, the guy that drove you here? He takes care of them for use while we’re gone. Now, we want to get you guys on your way as quickly as possible, so if there’s any more last-minute questions, speak now!” The group was silent, except for a few murmurs. 

“Excellent. Now come with me, please, and I’ll get you those maps I mentioned,” said Myra. This was Agron’s cue to leave, and he took it gratefully, escaping to the refuge of the barn with a respectful amount of haste.

He didn’t notice the young Middle Eastern man’s glance follow him out the door.  
\------------------

It was finally done. All the bags had been lashed to the horses’ saddles, and the horses had been lashed to each other. Assembling the train had required quite the learning curve, and he discovered that the arrangement of the horses made all the difference in the world. It was like a dog team: some were better middle-men, while some naturally deferred to the judgement of the more dominant ones, and some were born leaders. He had tested extensively which arrays worked best, and with Spartan as his own horse, he anticipated a calm journey. 

Myra sidled up beside him with her two charges trailing behind on Jack and Smokey.   
“See you in a week, Agron! Take care of them,” she said.  
“You know it. Stay safe now, you hear?”  
“Always!” she smiled, her face shining with the anticipation of the trip. Even though they’d both seen the sights along the trail a million times, it was impossible to get tired of. She departed, the two new riders clucking their horses on. Agron allowed himself a smirk. They were certainly first-timers, and he smiled at the reflection of what he must have looked like when he first got here. 

The five hikers were preparing the last of the minimal gear they would need for the day, and once they were all ready, Agron nudged Spartan forward into the half-light of the forest with the rest of the five horses in tow.

“See you lot tonight. I’ll be waiting,” he called behind him to the hikers, raising his hand in farewell.   
“Wait!” a voice called. It was the Middle Eastern man. Agron halted the train and waited for the man to catch up.

“Yes?” he asked, looking down at the man. He was focused on the map he had just received, but Agron found himself focusing on the man’s hair, and the artful manner in which it was tied up.

“So, which trail do I follow here? It looks like an intersection point,” he asked, pointing to a spot on the map.

“Ah yes, that’s where my trail and your trail cross over. Don’t worry, there’s a very clear sign pointing to the hiker’s trail, and I’ll have already been there and gone by the time you reach it.” Agron noticed the compass in the man’s hand. “So, this is your first hike?” He surprised himself by asking. He didn’t small-talk, not even before his self-inflicted exile.

“Yes, and I must say, I’m a bit nervous. I guess I’m what you might call a city kid, but I’ve always wanted to see the mountains. Up close, I mean. I can see them at a distance in Calgary where I live, but have always dreamed of hiking. Might as well utilize my relative youth to the fullest extent, right?” The man smiled up at Agron, and for a moment, Agron’s thoughts completely de-railed. That had _never_ happened before. 

“True that,” Agron answered, managing to keep his voice casual. “You’ll be just fine. There’s really no possible way to get lost on these trails, I check that the signs are still up every time I go by. And if, for some reason, you do get turned around, it’s easy to account for a straggler when you have a horse.” He found himself returning the man’s disarming smile. 

“Good enough. See you down the road then,” he said, returning to the pedestrian trail head.

As Agron moved on, the cool of the shaded forest set upon him, and yet he found himself flushing at the thought of the man he’d so easily conversed with. 

_Get a bloody grip, man,_ he mentally berated himself. _You know where this goes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the Fates intervene! It should be noted that while I have been hiking in B.C., I’ve never been to Mt. Perseus, so while the mountain exists, this location is fictional. The rockies are very near and dear to my heart, as is hiking.  
> ANYTHING can happen when you’re way out there…;)


	6. We Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agron wrestles with his feelings, and almost wins. That is, until chance steps in.

As the first day stretched on, it gradually got warmer and warmer. No doubt about it, summer was ready to go in for the kill. Agron was ready for it. He appreciated the beauty of winter, but it was just too long. The horses overheated much easier in the summer, true, but that just meant more frequent breaks. And if your office was the forests of British Columbia, there was nothing finer than a mid-afternoon break.

The peace was what he had come and stayed for. For too many of his 31 years he had been strung out and anxious, chasing the world and all that it could offer him. He had wanted it all, and received just enough of it to turn him off the idea for good. 

“Well, Spartan, how’s the first official day on the job treating you?” he asked his horse, reaching down to pat his neck. He knew they didn’t answer, but somehow, talking to them was just natural. Glancing down at the horse, the black mane reminded him of the hair on the man who had asked about the map. The man he’d been stubbornly trying to banish from his mind all day.

Agron had been out of the game for a long time. The last time he’d been in a relationship, it had ended for the simple reason that he hadn’t been there for his partner. He went through phases of great passion, but inevitably, the passion withered and died like the flowers through the seasons. Bloom, die, bloom, die. It wasn’t fair, and so he had ended it. He had broken the heart of the other man, but he viewed it as a kindness compared to what would surely result if they stayed together. He had no trouble with commitment, but he just couldn’t saddle another person with the burden that he was. Especially now. 

They say that those who live in the mountains are either young adventure-seekers or older people who had been wounded by the world, and at this point Agron was somewhere between those two. The mountains offered solitude and constant change, but not the kind of change that throws you on your ass then kicks you in the teeth. The gentle roll of the seasons, the variability of each day, and the constant embrace of beauty...all of it made Agron glad to be alive, and there had been years in his life where he’d lost that feeling. Every day he thanked the gods that he felt it now, after so long thinking that it was forever beyond his reach.

Any hour now, any minute, his thoughts would forever leave the dark-haired, brown-skinned man, as they had forsaken so many others. Sure, the idea was nice to play with in passing, but that’s all it was: an idea. Certainly no one would want him now, wounded as he was, especially not one so beautiful…

_NO!_ He shut down that thought immediately. _He probably isn’t even interested,_ Agron reasoned. After all, of all the people that signed up for their tours, he’d only ever met one other queer person, and she had been a she, and therefore removed from his tastes. And so, he bade the fantasies farewell, and returned his focus to the rhythmic sound of hooves on earth…

And the man doubled over in the middle of the horse path, panting heavily.

“The hell…?” Agron murmured under his breath, brow creasing. He kicked Spartan on so as to catch up with the man. As he got closer, he cursed inwardly. It was the man he pointedly HADN’T been fantasizing about all day. He pulled Spartan to a halt just behind him.

“Hey, you alright there?” he asked, genuinely concerned. What the hell was he doing so far from the hiking trail? The man raised his hand, still bent over, indicating a need to catch his breath. After several moments, he answered.

“I’m glad you came upon me,” he said, still heaving. “I fell behind the main group...got scared...started running to catch up...but...must have taken the wrong trail.” Immediately, Agron understood.

“Ahhh, yes. The silence of the forest gets unnerving after a bit, doesn’t it?” Agron said, trying to ease the smile off his face so as not to insult the man.

“Yes...and God knows what might be out there...bears, wolves, cougars…” Agron understood that. It had weighed heavy on his mind to on his first few trips, before realizing that the wildlife was a lot more scared of people than people were of them, and rightly so.

“You don’t need to worry so much. These trails are well hiked, and we would have warned you if there was any dangerous animal spotted in the area recently, and maybe even cancelled the tour if we’d deemed it necessary. And if you got your bear spray, no worries, eh?” The man finally stood upright, and his face was alleviated of some of its tension. He broke into that cursed smile again.

“I suppose you’re right. I’ll defer to your more experienced judgement here, then,” he said. After much internal deliberation, Agron spoke again.

“Say...what’s your name? I assume you know mine.” He tried to keep the butterflies in his stomach from presenting themselves in his voice.

“Ah, how rude of me! It’s Nasir.” He walked up beside Spartan, hand extended to Agron. Agron switched his reins into the left hand and leaned down to take it, noting the confidence the man exuded through the one simple gesture. The world seemed to still for a split second, and then the spell vanished as quickly as it had arrived.

In an attempt to mask his star-eyed gaze, Agron quickly asked, “So Nasir. Would you like to walk with me to the next intersection point so I can see you back to the trail?”

“Yes, very much. Thank you,” he said. He looked up at Agron again, and he noticed for the first time the particular shade of Nasir’s eyes. He’d always found brown eyes more pleasing than light eyes, and Nasir’s were nothing short of enchanting. 

“This way, good sir,” Agron said with a smile. This went against everything he’d told himself he wouldn’t do, but he couldn’t stop himself. He’d always been lousy at flirting, and he had already decided to spare Nasir his attempts.

They walked along together without trouble, as Agron was intentionally keeping Spartan’s, and therefore the train’s, speed slower than normal. He told himself that it was because this was Nasir’s first hike, so he didn’t want to over-exert the guy, but the echoes in his mind knew the truth. Spartan suddenly groaned and then gave an explosive snort, causing Nasir to nearly jump in the bush.

“Sorry about that...are you nervous about horses?” Agron asked, trying his best to stifle a laugh.

“Sort of…” Nasir answered as he cautiously made his way back towards Agron. He looked up just in time to see Agron’s mirthful smirk before it was wrenched from his face.

“I’m sorry, do you find that funny?” Nasir was a bit agitated. 

“What? No! No, it’s just that you really remind me of myself when I first started...I mean, they’re such big animals, and we’re supposed to have complete control over them? It just didn’t add up to me.” Agron was scrambling. He truly hadn’t intended to upset him, but he could tell Nasir was still annoyed. Several moments of awkward silence passed. “Here,” he said finally, “the best way to face a fear is to confront it. This is Spartan,” he said, stroking the horse, “and he’s about as gentle a horse as you could meet. Come here and pat him. I promise he won’t move.”

Nasir sidled up to the horse slowly, hand outstretched and visibly trembling. He looked up to Agron for reassurance, and searching his face, found only honesty and calm. He tentatively touched Spartan’s shoulder, then eventually began rubbing the soft hair in a circular motion, smiling a little to himself. Agron watched his posture relax with great satisfaction, and tried to ignore the bubbly feeling emerging in his chest.

“See? Nothing to be worried about,” Agron said as Nasir stepped away. He was examining the hand that had touched the horse now with a trace of disgust.

“Oh gods...you’re not allergic, are you?” Agron kicked himself for not thinking of it sooner. Here he was, offering a perfect stranger who was SCARED of horses to check out his ride, and…

“No, no! It’s just...the _hair,_ ” he was amused at the panic blooming on Agron’s face, but didn’t want to leave the guy hanging. “If I had any allergies, what makes you think I would accept your offer? I would have explained straight away. After all, you have a week’s worth of my supplies lashed to one of the beasts.”

Agron blinked at the realization, and his cheeks reddened at his lack of control over his unexpected mother hen instinct. Nasir began laughing at Agron’s expression, and throwing pride to the wind, Agron did too, in spite of his shame. 

“Come on, then. Daylight’s wasting.” The two walked in silence the rest of the way. A million questions about Nasir formed in Agron’s mind, but he refrained from asking them, thinking that it might be a bit imprudent, and worrying that it would annoy him. And, the silence was comfortable. That was so rare to find in a person, and it was one of the qualities Agron had come to appreciate most. People talked so much and so loud, and it had become abrasive to Agron’s mental state.

After 45 minutes, Nasir spoke first.   
“So, have you been in this line of work for very long?”

“Six years,” Agron answered. He wasn’t about to betray how much he wanted to talk to his companion. 

“That’s a long time. You don’t look very old; it must be a significant portion of your life.”

“Yeah, but that’s alright. I wouldn’t trade it for the universe,” Agron answered honestly. 

“What pulled you to it? A childhood dream, perhaps? I confess that that’s the reason I came,” Nasir said. Agron seized the tidbit, diverting attention away from him.

“Oh yeah? You mentioned you were a ‘city kid’,” Agron remembered.

“And I spoke the truth. I came here to Canada when I was very young, and having lived the biggest part of my life in Calgary, I always had room to fantasize about being some forest ranger, busting poachers and walking the wild forests without fear. But, as you can see...truth wavers from dreams,” he explained, somewhat dejectedly. “I climbed Nose Hill as a child, imagining it to be one of the mighty mountains in the distance. The foothills allowed room for my imagination to wander, and wander it did. So, here I am.

“Well, better late than never, right? This life comes with a set of necessary skills, none of which are learned without bad experiences.” He was trying to encourage him. Truth was, Agron had been just as green as the man beside him once, and if he could do it, anyone could. 

“Perhaps I’ll figure it out in time, then,” said Nasir, looking up at Agron. Not for the first time, and not for the last, Agron marvelled at the sheer warmth in the other man’s eyes.

“Perhaps, little man,” Agron said without thinking.

“Little man?” Nasir didn’t sound offended, simply curious, and there was a smile in his voice that Agron dared not to look at. Blessing Nasir’s good grace, he staggered to reply.

“Well....everyone is little to me from up here,” he finally muttered. 

“True enough,” Nasir answered, still smiling, but this time in a knowing way. The pair came upon the junction.

“Well, this is your turn off,” Agron said, and found himself wishing it wasn’t. He bashed the sentiment in the gut as soon as it appeared.

“Ah! Again, Agron, thank you. I probably would have been ok, but I very much appreciated the company. I’ll see you later tonight, I suppose, to retrieve my things. Until then,” he smiled.

“Yeah, for sure! See ya tonight,” Agron said, and pushed the horses to resume their natural pace. 

As they diverged, he definitely _did not_ reflect on how much their farewells resembled two people who had just set up a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said...ANYTHING can happen way out there. Oh, the possibilities...I’m honestly having so much fun with this, and thank you thank you THANK YOU to everyone who left kudos and comments! I had to stop myself from rolling up into a squealing ball in public. Your encouragement means everything to me <3  
> Nose hill is an actual park in Calgary, that my dad took me to when I was a lot younger. It’s a great place for a child’s imagination to roam.  
> Next chapter, I’ll get into Nasir’s head a little bit :)


	7. A Simple Twist of Fate

Despite the minor interruption, Agron still managed to arrive at the rendezvous point before any of the hikers. He dismounted, and rubbing some feeling back into his legs, began to unpack the baggage. He stashed it all safely under a triad of massive spruce trees to shield it from any rain that might roll through, unlikely though it was.

“Alrighty guys, job well done.” He rummaged in his pockets and gave a baby carrot to all the horses. At this point, untacking six horses was no trouble. He finished quickly, and set the horses loose in the corral that was just on the outskirts of the camp. They looked grateful to be free of their burdens, but having spent all their energy on the trail, they simply ducked their heads and began to graze. Spartan pinned his ears and claimed the choice patch of grass for his own, and the other horses moved aside with only a trace of resentment. Agron stored the tack under a few densely entwined trees, so as to keep it protected. He double checked to make sure there was no food left in his own saddle bags, then turned to tend towards the other duties.

With the guests’ luggage all taken care of, he began to ready his own site, not far from the corral. There were a couple of cabins on the trail systems, but both of them were at the end of the trails, and were generally only used in the case of emergency or bad weather. Agron owned an antique little three-man tent that he had taken from his childhood home, since nobody had made any objections to his taking it when he left. It was more space than he needed now, but the thing had never let him down. Plus, it was nice to have spare room to put his bags in, and it was reasonably lightweight. A tent was much better at keeping things dry than a tree.

This brought to mind thoughts of his brother. Agron had ended on bad terms with his parents, who had died in a car accident when he was 16 and his brother was 14. He’d bitterly regretted his last words to them...and to his brother, for that matter. He often thought of Duro. He knew his brother had been made of slightly stronger stuff than he was on that terrible day. Agron had shut his heart away quite securely, while Duro...Duro had opened up immediately, and had cried and actually asked for the help that Agron had been too proud to admit they needed. Despite being the eldest, Agron often felt that Duro was the one who had helped raise him, not their uncle.

The first few hikers emerged into the clearing from the trail snaking out of the woods and snapped Agron out of his memories. It proved a welcome distraction.

“Heya folks, just in time! Your bags are under those three trees there,” he said.

“Thank you, sir!” an older man said, still panting slightly from the final ascent. Obviously they got the idea, because none exchanged any more words with him. This had been a careful construction of his: being just open enough to appear non-threatening, but just gruff enough to discourage any lengthy conversations. Except, apparently, when it came to Nasir.

The hikers trickled out of the forest as the hours wore on, and the first arrivals were already engaged in enthusiastic conversation around one of the designated fire pits, heating up water for the night’s dinner. Freeze-dried stuff wasn’t half bad if it was hydrated correctly, and Agron had often been surprised at how finicky the stuff was. If you left it too long, it turned slightly mushy. Too little, and it tasted like crunching on half-flavoured imitations of what it was supposed to be. 

Everyone had shown up now. Everyone except for Nasir. Agron was beginning to panic a little, as the sun hung lower and lower in the sky, threatening with twilight. If he had gotten lost in broad daylight, then there would have been no hope for him in the dark. 

Another half-hour passed, and Agron was sitting on a stump beside his fire, fidgeting his leg rapidly and absently twirling his (sheathed) pocket knife around. 

He couldn’t take it anymore. He got up to ask if anyone else had seen him, and then, like some kind of apparition, he emerged from the fading light in the forest. Agron breathed again, unwittingly having held his breath. He walked towards Nasir, smiling broadly.

“There you are! Thought we’d lost you,” Agron said, giving Nasir a clap on the shoulder. Normal people did that in this kind of situation...right?

\---  
Nasir had just begun to panic in earnest when he had seen the sign:

SHOD-HOOF CAMP  
1 KM

He stopped beside the sign to catch his breath and take a drink. Finding a suitable rock, he moved to sit down. He had been used to walking most places, since he lived near the center of Calgary. But walking all hours of the day, and uphill to boot, was tougher than he had anticipated.

He didn’t drive if he could possibly help it back home, despite being steeped in the typical Alberta culture of pickup trucks and haste. He had often been called an oddity for it, but he cared very much about the environmental movement ever since being exposed to it in university, and took public transit whenever possible. He did own a small station wagon, which is how he got all the way out here. 

Calgary was a place of booming economy, particularly to do with oil, and it was evident in the expanding girth of its suburbs. That was another reason the environmental movement had reached home in Nasir: gradually, he had seen the parks, trees, and fields around his house that he had played in as a child be converted into new neighborhoods, and though he now understood that people had to live somewhere, his heart broke at the unnecessary sprawl of the new houses. Not to mention, he was pretty sure they were all designed by the same people. All the new houses looked the same, and he would go so far as to call it grotesque. Not a single thought was spared to even attempting to make them look beautiful, at least on the outside. 

He laughed at himself. Even surrounded by this verdant labyrinth, his mind was still caught up in the city. He recalled a saying, something to the effect of “you can take the kid out of the city, but you can’t take the city out of the kid.” Even though he was 28 years old, people still called him “kid” from time to time, due to his youthful appearance. He got up, and resumed what promised to be the last stretch of his day.

He enjoyed the natural flow of his thoughts. Something about the litany of footsteps and constant chatter of the forest steeped his mind in a pleasant haze, allowing thoughts to come and go freely. There was always something to focus on in the city, but here, everything was somehow...one. 

He couldn’t stop his mind from floating to the encounter between himself and the surly Agron from this afternoon. He had been very brusque and halting in his speech, which made Nasir think that he was holding back somehow. And he was sure he hadn’t mistaken the interest in the man’s green eyes. And what a shade of green they were. They recalled the colour of a storm, the kind that comes from the west over the mountains, perhaps threatening tornadoes further along its path. There was a...mystery about the man, something that made Nasir want to explore every nook and cranny of the depths he knew Agron withheld.

But perhaps the interest in his eyes had merely been conversational, nothing more. Nasir had had partners in the past, but only two, so he wasn’t exactly an expert in the field. One when he was yet in high school, and god knows those relationships never last. They probably weren’t meant to. 

But the most recent had been while he was doing his degree. The man, Castus, had adored him, and they were together for three years. But, Nasir realized that he just wasn’t actually -in love- with him. He had appreciated his company, and had, in fact, loved the man. But Castus had always loved him more, and it just wasn’t fair of Nasir to sustain it any longer. A friend had helped him see this. It wasn’t fair to himself, and it wasn’t fair to Castus. They still talked occasionally, however, and remained friends. 

The path ahead was finally unobscured by greenery. This was it! The end of the road...for the day. He stepped into the dying daylight, and was greeted by what appeared to be a very enthusiastic Agron.

The grin that he wore could have split the heavens. Never had he seen someone’s face light up so completely; and in that moment, he knew he wanted to see that smile again. And to know that he was the cause of it now...the trajectory of his thoughts moved from muddled cloud to clear blue sky. Agron had said something, but Nasir had missed it completely, but he inferred it was a greeting, as the taller man approached him and gave him a friendly thump on the shoulder.

He stood there, unsure of what to do or how to react, so by default, he simply smiled and met Agron’s striking eyes.   
\-----

Agron read Nasir’s expression as one of confusion, despite the smile.

“I’ll take you to your stuff, the light’s dying quick now. Wouldn’t want you to trip over any roots,” said Agron, nudging his head towards the three trees as an invitation to follow.

“But how do you know what’s mine?” Nasir asked.

“Process of elimination.” Agron pointed at the lone bags with his flashlight. 

“...I see. I guess I’m the straggler.”

“No shame in that,” Agron said. Nasir gave him a grateful smile, and moved to retrieve his belongings. Agron cleared his threat, then said with some volume, “Alright folks, sundown is upon us. I’m sure you all found the loo easily enough, but I’ve got to remind you to run your food and other smellables up the bear poles. Teddy bears make good companions; grizzlies, not so much. And yes, that means garbage too.” Hearing no hints of further questions, he turned back towards his own tent, passing Nasir on the way. “Want me to show you where the facilities are, seeing as you don’t have the advantage of daylight?” he asked him.

“I think I shall manage, but thanks for the offer,” answered Nasir. Agron touched a finger to the brim of the hat he was wearing in acknowledgement and continued on his way.

Some time later, Agron heard the sounds of muffled curses. Knowing where they issued from, he got up and went to where Nasir was setting up - or trying to set up - his tent. 

“Let me guess: new rig?” Agron asked as he stopped behind him.

“New rig and new hands at the task. Why is this so difficult?!” The shorter man was clearly exasperated. 

“Here, hold this,” Agron said as he passed him the flashlight. It was pitch black now, and there was no moon to speak of. The stars offered only a weak light, numerous though they were. “Hold it high so I can see.” Nasir obliged.

The tent was truly in a tangle. Eventually, Agron puzzled out which poles went where, and clipped them to the tent fabric accordingly. Once that was done, he anchored the pole ends in their respective holes, and with only minimal resistance, raised the tent up into a recognizable shape. 

“I shall have to ask you later how to manage that,” Nasir said. Agron finished off by pulling the fly over the skeletal structure of the poles. “Really, thank you again...I’ll find a way to make it up to you somehow.”

“Sure thing,” Agron said, flashing a polite (and hopefully reserved) smile. He moved to go back to his own fire, but then looked at the emerging stars, and said, “It’s late. You just set up your tent, and take it from me, tinkering with a camp stove in the dark is a massive pain in the ass. My fire’s already going strong.” Nasir rewarded him with a warm smile.

“Again, my gratitude…,” and he moved to follow Agron. It was all Agron could do to not start bouncing up and down, or worse, enact the fist pump he was doing in his head. He’d been infatuated before, but never had it come on so fast and so strong. And frankly, it scared him.   
_I’m a gods-damned mess,_ he lamented inwardly.

“Water’s already boiled too, if you want to use some to get your food ready.” Agron sat down, poking at the fire with his stick to keep it alive. He handed the kettle to Nasir, who poured the appropriate amount into the pouch of dehydrated food and set it on one of the rocks framing the fire pit.

“You know, it works much better if you have something to insulate it with. Here, take my extra sweater,” he said, handing it to him. “It’s what I used.” Nasir nodded and took his advice, wrapping the food pouch in the thick sweater. Again, they settled into companionable silence. It lasted a while, before Nasir spoke up.

“The stars...just incredible. I cannot believe the number of them.” His voice was strained slightly due to the angle his head was inclined at.

“Yeah...one of the many perks of the job, I suppose. I honestly forget what a city night sky is like,” answered Agron, looking up as well.

“Nothing like this. You can see Polaris and Orion if you’re lucky, and Venus if you have no tall buildings obscuring the view. If it’s not hazy, the Big Dipper can make an appearance as well. But that’s about it.” 

“Makes you wonder how those crazy Greeks ever picked out a group of stars in a pattern, eh?”

“It does...but, then again, they must have had little else to do. The common person probably didn’t have many other outlets for creativity,” Nasir hypothesized.

“I guess so. And then there’s the whole Zodiac thing. How could stars possibly determine who you are?” Agron caught himself here. He hadn’t had a conversation like this for a long time, and mostly kept his more wistful thoughts in his own mind. But something about Nasir just unleashed something in him; a desire for things he thought he’d learned to forget. He chalked his loosened tongue up to the late hour, and his exhaustion.

“I don’t know. I always thought that stuff was a little bit...out there. Why should the stars, or anything, determine our fates?” Nasir was still looking up, absorbed by the sight. Agron made a noise of acknowledgement. “By the way...you never answered my question earlier.”

“Pardon?” Agron inquired.

“About what brought you out here. I answered, now it’s your turn.” Nasir looked at him now, face illuminated by the soft glow of the fire. Agron almost melted at the sight. 

“Um...well, to be frank, it’s not something I really talk about,” Agron said, looking back into the flames.

“I see. Do you think that sates my curiosity?” Nasir encouraged, throwing in a smile for good measure.

“I suppose not.” No getting around this guy. “I was just looking for some...peace, you know? Solitude. A place to just be, and not compete. The whole rat-race nine-to-five thing just made me want to puke. What’s the point of freedom if you’re just a slave to money?”

“I can certainly respect that.” Nasir’s tone conveyed that he was satisfied, but his eyes told another story. He seemed to let it go...for now. “But alone? I mean, you work with a partner, but doesn’t the isolation from everyone else bother you?”

“Hardly. It’s what I was seeking in the first place. No, fuck the institution and their games. I’m done with’em.” Nasir’s eyebrows raised slightly. “Pardon the French,” Agron added hastily, raising a hand.

“It’s quite alright. What did ‘the man’ do to you to warrant such a comment?” Agron scowled.

“Ah, nothing. It’s a long story, best left untold.”

“For me, or you?” Agron met Nasir’s gaze, somewhat taken aback. 

“Both,” he answered eventually, eyes narrowing almost imperceptibly. “Your food’s probably done.” Agron was deflecting questions desperately, and they both knew it. Nasir got up and retrieved his food, and Agron fully expected him to leave. But he didn’t. He sat right back down, unearthing a utensil from a bag, and beginning to eat. 

“Apologies. I pry where I should not.” Nasir sounded earnest, and Agron made no comment. Should he just tell him, open all and spill his guts? He’d never done such a thing. Not to Duro, not to the counsellor they had assigned to him, not to Myra, _nobody._

He decided on the familiar path, and shut down the internal debate with a resolute “absolutely fucking not”. The silence returned again, but the air was now charged with unanswered questions. Somewhere in the woods, an owl hooted. Then, a sound that was not unlike a child being murdered slowly. Nasir yelped, eyes wide and searching.

“What was that?!” 

“Relax, relax! It’s just a barred owl.” Agron smiled, but didn’t laugh, remembering his first experience with the birds.

“An owl? Are you quite certain?” Nasir was standing now, still tense.

“Yeah yeah, they just make that noise sometimes. I promise, everything’s ok. I’ve heard it a million times.” Nasir nodded once, and sat back down. The sound again.

“Why do they have to sound like that?” Nasir asked, shuddering, despite the fire’s warmth. 

“I have no idea. Ask nature.” Agron finally allowed himself an amused smile at his companion’s reaction. “That was quite the noise yourself,” Agron commented, raising one eyebrow. Nasir rolled his eyes, chuckling nervously.

“Oh, and I suppose you were better off the first time, hm?” Both of them were laughing now, and Agron delighted in the sound. After a time, the silence fell again, and they just sat there, looking at each other. Agron spoke, breaking the spell.

“Well, if you’re done, I guess I should let you shuffle off. First days of first hikes are always brutal.”

“Yes…again, thank you. You’ve shared your hearth with me, and I would have been lost without you today...literally!” Agron waved a hand in dismissal.

“Ah, it’s no big deal. Sleep well.” Nasir got up, turning towards his tent.

“Good night, Agron.”

As Agron tucked himself into his sleeping bag, he couldn’t get Nasir off his mind. He replayed their conversations behind closed eyes, recalling certain mannerisms and smiling. And as he lay his head onto his make-shift pillow of extra clothes, a wide smile split his face, and bearing that expression, welcomed the warm blanket of sleep.

Somewhere a few sites over, Agron’s expression was mirrored by Nasir, though neither of them knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact! I actually had the pleasure of listening to the sweet serenade of the barred owl on a hiking excursion of my own. It truly does sound like a homicide is taking place somewhere in the woods, and it is terrifying.   
> Horses with ears laid back are unhappy horses. It’s either a sign of anger, discomfort, or irritation, but when horses move to eat that’s the language they use to say, “hey, buzz off, this pile’s mine”. The more dominant horses in a group do it to clear out the less dominant horses.
> 
> And for those unfamiliar with camping terms, the fly is the covering that goes on over a tent to protect it from rain. Freeze-dried food comes in little ziploc bag things, and you pour hot water right into it and it hydrates the food after like 15 minutes. Yep, just like Back to the Future :P  
> Thank you to all my readers! For what is a story without an audience?


	8. Duet of Intent

Agron was up before the sun the next morning. This was the usual routine, simply because it gave him time to check on the horses, and begin to gather his own things. Most hikers usually made it out of the camp by around 9 am, which left a solid chunk of daylight to travel the next segment of trail. 

As he usually did, he watched the sun rise above the horizon with an aluminum mug full of coffee in his hand. It was one of his favourite morning traditions on the trail, and he never missed a sunrise, if he could help it. Behind him, the horses were getting antsy. They knew they’d be saddled up soon, having become accustomed to Agron’s routine. 

The sun breached the distant mountains, and for a time, he watched the colours shift and change, completely taken in by the sight. No sunrise was the same as the last, and every time he thought he had seen every possible colour, he was proven wrong. Even on the cloudy days, the clouds cast miraculous colour that the naked sky never could alone. Sipping the last dregs from his cup, he went to the edge of the nearby creek to wash it out.

His stuff was already packed up, from his clothes to his tent. One by one, he led the horses out to be outfitted in their tack, finishing off with Spartan. He didn’t put the bridle on quite yet, because he knew the guests (who were now stirring) would still be at least an hour until the last one was all packed up. Instead, now that the sun was up, he spent time meticulously checking every horse’s hooves: a lame horse on the trail could spell disaster, the same as with hikers. It was common knowledge that the feet were the most important body part to attend to on a hike, and this doubled for horses. Even horses used only for pleasure died as a result of serious foot or leg injuries. These horses had been Agron’s closest friends for 6 years, and he wasn’t about to compromise their safety due to laziness.

Seeing no concerns with any of the horses, he turned his attention to the hikers. He watched from a distance, standing by in case anyone should need help. 

Nasir was puzzling over exactly how to collapse the tent, and Agron was aching to go over and help him out, but he figured he wouldn’t dis the man’s pride by coddling to his every need, especially in front of everyone else. Besides, it wasn’t professional to seem to play favourites. He was just doing his job, and he didn’t want to alienate the other guests by solely interacting with Nasir. 

Alas, taking down a tent is much simpler than setting it up, and eventually he figured it out. He packed and re-packed his bag three separate times before he was satisfied with how it was arranged.

“Just bring your gear to me when you’re all packed up; I’ll take care of the rest,” he announced to the group.

As if on cue, three of the five people got up and put their stuff in a pile close to Agron, thanking him as they continued on down the trail. The fourth followed shortly, who thanked him as well. He nodded awkwardly to each of them. He imagined this is how bus drivers must feel. It was his job, and he didn’t quite know what to do with the fairly standard pleasantry. Even after so many years.

As with yesterday, Nasir was the last. He gave his things over to Agron, who was lashing the rest of the stuff to the horses.

“Not that I didn’t enjoy the company, but I hope I don’t see you on the trail today,” Agron said with a grin.

“I thought you didn’t like company?” Nasir was smiling in response. It really was not fair how appealing such a simple expression made him look.

“I’ve been known to make exceptions,” Agron responded coyly. 

“See you down the trail, then,” Nasir said, walking away with a wave.

He tacked Spartan up completely, and taking a final glance over his shoulder to confirm nothing was left behind, mounted and led the chain of horses onward.  
He was still giddy from the brief interaction. He was slowly losing all semblance of control over the direction of his thoughts, and before he knew it, he found himself wishing that he had shared the sunrise with Nasir that morning.  
\-----

Nasir ended up at the end of the small group again. Clearly the others were already seasoned hikers, and today his legs ached in a way that he hadn’t thought possible. As he settled into the rhythm of movement, again, as yesterday, his thoughts began to swim pleasantly through his mind.

He was surprised to find that most of them swirled around the mysterious Agron. Last night, he had breached ground that he had regretted as soon as he saw Agron withdraw back into himself. He had intended only to find out more about the man that so occupied his thoughts, but he never intended to badger old wounds. Clearly he had done so, or he wouldn’t have been brushed off so quickly.

And yet...he still saw something last night, something that he hadn’t in any other person: a truly genuine desire to help and accommodate, even one so inexperienced as Nasir. He was sure the man would have looked down on him with at least some contempt or impatience, but that wasn’t the case. He helped him without any snide or derisive remarks, which was more than he could say for any of the people were supposed to help him in his life. 

His mother and father were figures he could scarcely remember, in some distant land that now seemed more like a dream than a part of his past. He remembered a kind face, full of love, and loving hands guiding him and instructing him. That was all. The rest was simply photos and dust. 

His Nana (it was what he called his aunt) had told him that his parents had sent he and his brother to Canada from Syria for a better life, with plans to follow them shortly. But Syria was a land riddled with conflict, and as so many innocents in that part of the world do, they met their end before they could fulfill their hopes and dreams. 

His aunt had raised him and his brother diligently, but there was a notable absence of tenderness in the relationship. Often as a child, Nasir had gotten the sense that they were simply a means to an end, accessories in her life that simply benefitted her. She gained long-term insurance, having never married or had children. As she got older, Nasir and his brother were saddled with the expectation of caring for her. 

Not that any of them wanted for money. Nasir’s parents had been quite well-off, even wealthy, and when they died, he and his brother had inherited their considerable fortune. This had allowed him a middle-class Canadian upbringing, university and all. He now had a degree in sociology, but no idea what to do with it. 

That’s part of what he was doing here: contemplating what he wanted to do with his life, and where he fit into the big picture. He had gone straight from high school to university, and so never had taken a year off to consider exactly what he was passionate about. He never had any outstanding desires or dreams as a child, and followed the path he found most interesting in university, and now, as a consequence, he was a little bit lost. And so, he was acting on the few childhood fancies he had imagined himself in, to see where it might lead him. 

The contemplation on his own past led him to wonder all the more about Agron’s. He didn’t quite know why he was so insatiably curious about the man. The most he could chalk it up to was his demeanor; his bearing: what was someone so gentle and so obviously bright doing out here in the boonies, alone? He didn’t know enough about him to jump to any sort of conclusions about what he might be more suited for, but to Nasir, it just seemed odd. He was also quite handsome, notably so, and remembering the grin he wore when Nasir had stepped out of the woods the night before still had the power to turn his mind to jelly. He was not just handsome, he was beautiful.

He could recognize a hurting person, and the more Nasir ruminated on it, the more he saw that Agron was, indeed, a man in pain.

Settling on this explanation, he was gripped by that most human of desires: to help, and to heal.  
\----

That day ended without event, and Agron wasn’t sure whether to be glad or disappointed. He hadn’t bumped into Nasir again, which he had been secretly hoping to, but at the same time, that meant that Nasir was alright. His horses were all right as rain, and there had been no catastrophes on the trail, so Agron decided to settle for grateful.

Pulling into the camp, the sun was still well above the western horizon. As with the night before, he pulled the carefully arranged gear from the horse’s backs, and tended to their needs before his own. Every camp had a corral to keep the horses in, because tethering the horses to a tree was fine for a few hours, but horses are creatures of energy, and they need to be allowed to move freely. 

Tonight, Nasir wasn’t the last one to make it to the camp. One of the two couples followed behind him. The other couple was already setting up their fire and deciding on what to eat for the night.

Agron was grooming the horses from the mud that had applied itself to their coats, and at the same time keeping an eye on Nasir, should he need help. Apparently, he was watching how Agron set up the tent last night, because he repeated the process correctly, and in pretty good time for a beginner. Agron smiled to himself, training his eyes once again on his task.

There was a spot at this site that overlooked the west, and consequently gave a great view of the sunset. Having finished the tasks required to make camp, the two couples were sitting and watching the sun go down. Not long after, Nasir joined them, though didn’t engage in the scattered conversation. 

Agron watched from a distance, beside his horses. Just as with sunrises, no two sunsets were the same, and yet there was something in a sunrise that Agron favoured. It was either the colours or the promise of a new day fulfilled that fascinated him, and he could never decide which. 

As the sun crept into the advancing cover of darkness, the hikers went back to tend their fires and food, and the smell of woodsmoke was somewhat alleviated as the fires once again burned bright.

Agron had just stoked his fire back to health before hearing a familiar voice.

“May I join you?” Nasir asked.

“Uh, yeah, of course!” Agron answered, perhaps a little too enthusiastically. He awkwardly shuffled the sprawl of his limbs to one side of the downed tree trunk that acted as a bench, making room, his heart beating faster.

“Thanks.”

“Have you eaten yet?” Agron inquired.

“No, but if I could steal some hot water from you again, I would be grateful.”

“Help yourself.” He did, remembering to set up a cover over the pouch with one of his own sweaters.

“I wanted to apologize for yesterday,” Nasir began, and Agron’s heart was hammering hard now. He had hoped to avoid mention of it.

“Ah, it’s fine. I’m kind of a touchy old grouch, anyway,” Agron dismissed. 

“Old? You can’t have many more years on me.”

“Thirty-two in July,” Agron admitted.

“See! I’m only twenty-eight. How young did you think me to be?” Nasir asked. The light in Agron’s mind seemed to brighten. He had always been ok with a little separation of age…

“Uh, Agron?”

“Hm? Oh, shit, sorry. Spaced out a bit.” His cheeks flushed red, and he was glad the firelight probably concealed the worst of it. Nasir graced him by not questioning further. 

A high-pitched squeal resounded through the young night air.

“Quiet down, ya brumbies!” Agron called to the horses. The noise stopped.

“What was that about?” Nasir asked, earnestly curious.

“A disagreement. That’s a horse’s annoyed or angry sound.”

“Brumby?”

“Oh, just the Australian term for feral horses. Like the American term ‘mustang’,” Agron clarified.

“They really seem to heed your will. I don’t have much experience with horses, as you might have guessed, but I admire your skill with them,” Nasir said, gazing in the direction of the corral.

“Thanks.” Agron considered his words carefully before he spoke again, wondering if the topic was too sensitive. “So, why are you nervous around horses?” Nasir seemed surprised by the question, raising his eyebrows slightly.

“Oh, that. Well, my family had a friend that owned an acreage outside of Calgary, and my Nana took my brother and I to see her once when we were still quite young. They owned some horses, she and her husband, and they thought that we might enjoy a ride. My brother seemed quite comfortable with it, and that gave me confidence to try it out. But, the horse spooked rather drastically not long after I was on, and I fell off, and the horse nearly stepped on me several times. I was not hurt, but ever since, I’ve been...nervous around them.”

“I can see how a thing like that might stick in your mind. Horses can be intimidating to adults, I can’t imagine being a kid and falling off a horse, not to mention almost being trampled. Ever given any thought to trying again? You know what they say…”

“Yes, yes,” Nasir chuckled uneasily, “the best thing to do is get right back on. Living it Calgary, there aren’t many opportunities for that. I think this is the first time I’ve been around horses since then.”

“That long, eh? Wow…” Agron paused, then added, “But you know, there is something to be said for conquering fears, and the only way to do that is head-on.” Agron was aware of the irony the statement carried coming from him, but not all fears are as easy to face as a misbehaving horse. 

“I know,” Nasir said, pointedly looking into Agron’s eyes, in a way that made Agron think he could see into his deepest thoughts. He broke the gaze first, feeling uncomfortably vulnerable.  
Sensing this, Nasir turned and retrieved his food, and began to eat without further comment.

Silence was golden, but sometimes a little bit of noise was appreciated. Agron reached into his pocket, and holding the small instrument to his mouth, began to play a lilting yet comforting tune on his harmonica.

In between mouthfuls, Nasir commented, “That’s a pretty tune.” He smiled broadly.

“What?” Agron asked, catching the expression.

“Nothing. It’s just...you’re such a typical cowboy.” Agron had to bark a laugh at that.

“You’d think I’d need cows to be a cowboy!”

“No, I think the horses alone complete the image.”

“If you say so,” Agron said, shaking his head, but smiling nonetheless. He went back to playing, this time a tune that he knew from a movie Myra had rented some years ago. It was one of the few movies she brought back that he had really enjoyed (and managed to sit all the way through), an old Coen brothers movie called ‘O Brother, Where Art Thou?’. He’d really enjoyed the music as well, and had learned a few tunes to play while he was on the trail. His favourite was ‘Man Of Constant Sorrow’, 

“Hey, I know that tune…” his companion commented. Nasir began humming the notes for the lyrics, then rather shyly joined in with what lyrics he knew. Agron was almost rendered unable to play by the sound of the man’s voice, but he kept going, not wanting it to stop. It wasn’t especially fancy, but he sang on tune and with heart, and that’s what made it beautiful. 

The final note sounded, and Nasir tucked a stray strand of his hair behind his ear nervously.

“You’re a great singer, you know. I’ve been a solo act for so long, it was nice to have some backup,” Agron smiled appreciatively. 

“Thanks,” said Nasir quietly, returning to his food, which was now probably cold. 

“Me, I can’t carry a tune with a bucket unless I’ve got this thing.” Nasir snorted in amusement. 

For a time, they just sat staring into the flames, a fair distance apart from each other on the log. Agron was suddenly conscious of it, and had the urge to close the gap. Instead of doing that, he picked up another tune, which was just an improvisation. It sounded somewhat lonely, yet content all at once.

Nasir finished off the last of his dinner. “That’s really something. What is it? Another movie track?” Agron stopped.

“Nah, sometimes I just play notes and see where they lead. Sometimes it’s better not to have a plan.”

“I suppose that’s true.” Nasir paused before saying, “Well, the hour is late. I should get some rest, as well as you. Good night.” He got up, folding the remains of the packaging of his dinner.

“Yeah, good night,” Agron reciprocated. 

“I truly enjoy your company,” Nasir said, after some apparent deliberation.

“And I yours,” Agron answered sincerely.

And again, both of their heads hit their pillows with thoughts of the other, with just a little bit more longing than the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw man, I’m really dragging this out. I’m sorry, I’ll get on some actual development in the next one! I didn't read this one through really carefully, so if there's some mistakes, I apologize.  
> Thank you all so much, once again <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: descriptions of panic attack, allusions to violence**
> 
> “You can turn it on  
> By remote control  
> You tell me love   
> Is just a chemical  
> And if this is true  
> Well, then I don’t need you  
> I don’t need anyone  
> I don’t need anyone
> 
> My mind is dull  
> And it’s full of rust  
> My veins are full  
> Of wanderlust  
> Wanna feel good  
> Feel like it’s almost real  
> I could be anyone  
> I could be anyone
> 
> Feels so mechanical,  
> I wanna run with the animals  
> Wanna shed my metal skin   
> Wanna forget everything  
> Someone free the radicals  
> The world gets too predictable  
> Wanna shed my metal skin  
> Wanna forget everything
> 
> Late last night, the night before  
> You were on the street, you were looking for some human touch  
> Oh, some human touch  
> Skin so tight, can’t take no more  
> You’re on your knees, heading to the floor  
> And losing touch, you been losing touch…”  
> ~Metal Skin, Sam Roberts

As morning broke and the camp buzzed with anticipation of the trail, Nasir managed to collapse his tent quicker than the previous morning. He felt Agron’s eyes on him, but tried not to notice, sure that the other man was convinced of his stealth, and not Nasir was not willing to burst his bubble.

The air had the quality about it that promised a hot day, and so Nasir had opted to wear less clothing than he had in the two days prior. He was a bit chilled now, but he had come to know that once they got moving, the chill vanished. He also guessed that this was the reason for Agron’s lingering gaze.

He hazarded a glance in Agron’s direction, and the second he moved to turn, the taller man’s head swivelled to rest on no point in particular. Nasir couldn’t keep a smile from creeping across his face, finding his bashfulness rather endearing.

He had to be careful to move at just the right pace. He was certainly interested in Agron, and Agron seemed to be interested in him, but something told him that rushing into anything head-on would be a mistake. Too many years had gone into the construction of Agron’s walls for one person to barge in and tear them down over a short span of time. 

“Alright, gang,” Agron began suddenly, with no pretext. “You’ll be heading over some pretty unsteady ground today, and most of it is above the treeline, which means there’s no shelter. It looks like you’ll have a clear day, but the wind can get pretty darn vicious, so watch yourselves. The trail is mostly shale, so you’ll want your sturdy footwear. Questions?”

Nasir had one. “What if the trail is undefined?”

“Good point, thank you for reminding me. The trail is marked by little stone cairns if you get confused, since signs don’t stay put with nearly 24/7 hurricane-force winds. Anyone else?”

Nobody else spoke.

“Alright, see you tonight,” Agron dismissed as he mounted Spartan. As the others departed down the trail, Nasir held back, touching Agron on the knee as he passed.

“Hey, what do you say we do dinner again tonight? I’ve been enjoying myself,” he asked casually.

“Wh-...oh, um, sure! That would be awesome!” It was full daylight, and Nasir could plainly see Agron’s face redden around the sloppy grin that lit up his features. He relished the sight, grinning in turn.  
\---  
Agron’s path took him into the valleys between where the hiking trail was and the parallel peaks. There were a few sparse saplings scattered about, but he didn’t have the tree cover that the first stretch of the trail offered. Horses had sensitive ears, and while Agron could stand the howling of the full-force alpine winds, they could not. They could if need called for it, but this was more comfortable for them, even if it was less scenic.

Far above, he could see colourful shapes making their way across the scree slopes, and he liked to think he could make out which one was Nasir, but it was much too far away to be sure. 

His face still burned when he thought of their exchange this morning. For the first time in 8 years, he actually had a dinner date! Nevermind that it was in the middle of nowhere with a main course of freeze-dried cuisine, because as things were, he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. He’d often dreamed of a partner who would accompany him on hikes and into the woods, and now, here they both were…

Agron was cautiously optimistic, allowing scenarios to run through his head, and for the most part, the horses were left with the task of navigating the relatively featureless valley, for their driver’s thoughts were far from the present.  
\-------  
Nasir was having the experience of a lifetime. The forests he had seen so far had lived up to all of his childhood expectations, but this leg of the journey was truly something else.

The mountain peaks stretched for miles beneath him, and though he knew it was hubris, he felt as though he could touch the very hand of god. The others were far ahead of him, as he had stopped to take pictures of the sights and relish every moment of it. He knew time was fleeting, and if moments such as these were to fade, then he preferred to take them in to the fullest extent.

Here he was, literally on a mountain peak, surveying lands far below. The child in his soul leaped and danced around, and he felt alive in a way he never had before, the sensation only fuelled by the gale-force winds blasting around his body. 

Coming upon a particularly scenic knoll on the face of the mountain, he stopped for a lunch break. Lunch on the trail usually consisted of granola and snack bars, and he had brought both, following the advice of a few hiking blogs he had read through before coming on the trip. He looked down and saw tracks that were fairly recent, and imagined the others had stopped here too. Who wouldn’t, with such a scene before them?

He watched clouds snake through valleys as he ate, and heard the shrill cries of the little pika that made their homes among the rocks on the mountain face. He had managed to find a rock big enough to shield him from the worst of the wind, and he was glad of it, despite how exhilarating it was. His left ear was aching from the constant battering of the wind. He didn’t even want to think about what his hair looked like, long as it was. But no one was around to care, and so, neither did he. 

He finished his lunch, then carried on along the wind-blasted ridges, humming to himself, and feeling positively on top of the world, and not only because of the momentous scenery around him.

He had asked the most beautiful man he had ever met on a date this morning, and he had agreed.  
\------  
The group arrived looking wind-blown and tired, but all sported big smiles, and were talking amicably among themselves. 

Nasir was the last to arrive again this time, and Agron wished he could have taken a picture of him in the exact moment he saw him, looking like he had achieved the solution to all the world’s ills. His hair was in a state of disarray, and he looked as exhausted as the rest, but Agron placed his smile as the biggest. 

The overall effect was irresistible. 

“You look like you had a good day!” Agron said, walking towards him.

“Oh, it was...the best day of my life, and I do not exaggerate in saying so. I can’t believe you do this every day,” he marvelled. 

“Well, it’s a different route, but yeah, I’d say I’m pretty lucky. Get any good shots?” Agron asked, gesturing at the camera around Nasir’s neck.

“I hope so. The sun made it hard to see the screen, but I’m sure some turned out alright.”

“Good! Well, I’ll let you get set up for the night…” Agron said haltingly.

“...and then I’ll see you for dinner.” Nasir finished his sentence for him, in a tone that was the vocal equivalent of a wink. He walked away to retrieve his things, leaving Agron’s heart pounding uselessly behind his ribcage.  
\---  
The sun had died, the fires had been lit, and all was well in the camp. Agron had just finished feeding the horses, and having little else to do, sat around his fire pit, twisting his hands and bouncing his leg in anticipation and anxiety. It wasn’t only the outcome of the night he was worried about, but also knowing that he needed to drop his guard a little if he was ever going to have a chance, and that most definitely made him nervous. He had saved his dinner so he could eat with Nasir, but he began to wonder if he’d be able to stomach anything at all.

He was so preoccupied that he didn’t hear Nasir sneak up on him, and actually physically jumped at the sound of his voice.

“I hope I didn’t leave you waiting too long,” Nasir said.

“Uh, no, no! Right on time. Sit, help yourself to some water.”

Similar to last night’s camp, Agron’s fire pit tonight had a log beside it rather than stumps or stones to sit on. 

“First date in a while, huh?” Nasir commented with a knowing tone.

“Uh...yeah. I don’t exactly have the best track record with the formalities.” Nasir used the kettle first, then passed it to Agron. If there was any deliberation in his mind as to what the intent of the night was, it quickly vanished, but that only served to amplify his stress.

“You know, on my very first date, I was so nervous that I managed to spill absolutely everything I tried to serve. It was disgraceful.” Nasir chuckled at the memory, and Agron began to laugh as well. “Yes, however, she thought it was endearing.” That caught Agron’s ear.

“Sorry, she? So are you bi?” Nasir smiled in a way that revealed a hint of sadness.

“No, I’m not. It was a pre-arranged date that my Nana set me on, thinking that I was of the appropriate age to begin courting. I never showed any interest in it, even when my brother did, and wondered why. Of course, I since discovered the reason.”

“And your Nana, how did she take that?”

“She disowned me. Not that it mattered much, I had my own means of supporting myself when she found out.” Agron wasn’t quite sure how to respond. 

“That’s tough...I’m sorry,” he offered, somehow managing to sound as empathetic as he felt. Nasir raised his hand in dismissal.

“No, it was for the best. The woman never held much love for either of us anyway, and this way, I can be who I am without fear.” He paused for a time, then added, “I apologize. I hadn’t intended to start the conversation with such a heavy topic.”

“Don’t be sorry, I’m the one who asked. Besides, I’ve never had a talent for small-talk. As far as conversation goes, I go straight for the deep end or stay quiet. But you probably noticed that,” he admitted.

“Yeah, a bit.” Nasir left it there, not encouraging him, but leaving Agron to decide on the next topic.

“My folks...well, they died when I was 16.” Nasir leaned towards him just a little bit, to make his interest plain. “They never got the chance to learn I was gay, but I’m sure they suspected it early on. They were never anything but loving, though. I have a brother as well, 2 years younger than me. He always accepted it, and so did my uncle, which I thank my lucky stars for.”

“So, your uncle raised you two?” Nasir asked.

“Yeah. He did right by us…”

“Where are they now?”

“Oh, off living their lives somewhere. After I...came back, I sort of split away. Couldn’t take the constant pity.” Agron hadn’t talked about this before. Not since his return from active duty. He wanted to seize up and slam the walls back down again, but he had promised himself he would try, if only for tonight. What was the worst that could happen? Nasir would continue the rest of the hike in peace, and then leave, never to return. It would hurt, but he could take it.

But Agron didn’t want that, so he continued. Nasir didn’t say anything, and in this simple non-action, made Agron fall for him just a little bit harder.

“I was…” he sighed, running a shaking hand through his spiky hair. “I was a soldier. I was over in Afghanistan for what was supposed to be a peacekeeping mission for 3 years. I was a young thing full of ideals, piss and vinegar. I thought it was my civic duty, an honour to serve my country.” He barked a sour laugh. “I was told, numerous times, that war was hell, but never listened.” 

It was the moment he’d been dreading, and speaking about it out loud for the first time had him shaking like an aspen leaf. He was aware of Nasir’s eyes on him, and was aware that he was listening intently, even if he gave no audible indication of it. He seemed to sense that a single word might snap Agron back into his shell.

“Well, I got blown up.” Agron felt his stomach doing flips, and he was now shaking so violently that it looked like he was the sole victim of an earthquake. “I thought...I was stationed with...there was an ambush. Never saw it coming, never…” 

Just like that, it was happening, yet again. He was back under the blistering sun, the stench of blood around him...the fear was upon him, tearing him apart in its jaws, and he started heaving for oxygen, holding his head in his hands, trying to regain control…

And there were arms around him now, holding him tightly, as if to bind together what was coming undone in his mind. He was vaguely aware of the sensation.

“Agron. That is done. That is the past,” a voice told him, from somewhere far away. “Focus on breathing. I believe in you.”

Agron did, slowly, and began taking deep, shuddering breaths that eventually got slower and slower. 

“Now, can you hear me?” Agron nodded weakly.

“Tell me what you need.” Nasir’s voice was gentle, yet rock solid in its intent.

“Just...don’t go,” Agron uttered. He didn’t have the strength to stay upright, the panic having mostly abated now, and was glad for the shoulder beside him. He folded in Nasir’s arms, and rested his head on the shorter man’s shoulder. Nasir ran gentle hands up and down Agron’s back, slowly and steadily. 

The two stayed like this for nearly a half hour, not saying a word. After the trembling had stopped and his heart and breathing rates returned to normal, Agron pulled away from the embrace, clearing his throat awkwardly. Nasir released him at once, not wanting to make him feel trapped.

“What do you need?” Nasir asked again, quietly, not moving from his position right beside Agron.

“I hope you don’t mind...I’m gonna go..check the horses,” Agron stuttered, as he stood. 

“Of course. I’ll be right here.” Agron nodded his silent thanks, and moved towards the corral.

The horses were now dozing quietly, forms illuminated by the meager moonlight. All was silent, but for the crackle of fire and his boots on the gravelly footing. 

He went to the fence, and crossed his arms over the topmost pole, resting his head as well. Spartan was still half awake, and nickered softly as he walked towards Agron. Ordinarily he would have said something in greeting, but right now, his voice failed him. The horse snuffled at his cheek, giving it a gentle nudge, and breathing softly over his face. Agron responded by stroking his neck just behind his ear, and Spartan lazily rested part of the weight of his head on the man’s shoulder.

Agron began to quietly weep. He choked out a few spluttering sobs, and pressed his face into the gelding’s mane. Horses had a scent about them that just oozed comfort, and right now, that was all he needed. 

He wept for his lost friends, for the family he had shunned, and for what was sure to be a ruin of a date. He wept until the tears ran out, and nothing but dry sobs were left. Miraculously, Spartan stayed put the entire time, leaning into Agron’s touch. That was another special thing about horses. They always knew exactly what you needed.   
Just like Nasir had known.

“Thank you, buddy…” Agron told the horse, pressing a kiss on the animal’s cheek. He had to face Nasir sooner or later, if he was still there.

And he was, just as he had promised. Agron sat back down beside him, and cleared his throat to clear the traces of his tears away. Nasir had seen enough for the night.

“Better?” Nasir asked. Agron nodded, not trusting himself to speak just yet. “I never meant to press you to such an extreme…” The remorse was plain in his voice.

“It was my choice. I needed to tell it. And,” Agron met Nasir’s eyes for the first time, “that actually kind of helped. Though I wish you didn’t have to see it...I’ll understand if you want to go to bed now…”

As if appalled by the concept, Nasir quickly interjected. “Listen to me, and listen well. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. Things happen that are beyond our control, so far beyond our control that all we can do is tremble in the wake of it and deal with the fallout. So please, do not think that this will turn me away from you, or that you have failed in any way.” Agron was looking away, and Nasir reached up and cupped the man’s stubbled face, turning his gaze towards him. “I am proud of you. That took a lot of strength.”

Agron looked deep into Nasir’s eyes, and didn’t find the pity that Duro’s or his uncle’s had had, but instead found...compassion. And resolve. Agron was helpless to stop the lone tear that crawled down his face.

“Thank you…” he said, and before he knew what he was doing, planted a kiss on Nasir’s crown. “I hope you don’t mind if I turn in early?” 

“Of course I don’t. Good night, and I’ll be around, should you need me,” Nasir assured him, for he still had an air of fear about him. 

“It’s more than I could ask for,” he replied, smiling weakly. 

He unzipped his tent, and crawled into his sleeping bag, slipping into a mercifully dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to make one thing clear: I don’t intend to treat Agron’s PTSD symptoms as a character quirk. It’s a serious condition that I am somewhat familiar with, having seen it in dear friends. Mental illness is not fun, nor is it cute. It’s ugly, and tears at a person’s soul in the most wretched of ways.
> 
> I have experienced panic attacks myself, so that’s where a lot of my descriptions of that stem from.
> 
> The idea for Agron to have fought in Afghanistan and to have come back with PTSD comes from his crucifixion in the show. He was hurt, and hurt bad, but Nasir didn’t coddle him or act like their love was going to fix everything. He forged him a new weapon, and put the sword back in his ruined hands, and stood beside him. To me, that’s the ultimate form of respect and love, and it’s that sentiment that I wanted to carry into this fic. Kind of like how Crixus taught Naevia to defend herself instead of pampering and bubble-wrapping her. God I fucking loved those two ;_;
> 
> On a side note, the scene above the treeline is also from my own experiences. I did the Skyline trail in Jasper a few years ago, and I’m not exaggerating when I describe the wind. It was at least 90 km/h, and you would actually fly backwards if you jumped straight up.   
> Highly recommended, if you get the chance :)  
> Thank you, as always, and I hope you enjoyed it <3


	10. Tandem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And in the bravest moments, I watch you  
> And we take turns  
> Looking away
> 
> I adore you  
> I want to follow you  
> Make a boat out of this cigarette pack  
> Watch it float away, and hope it comes back…”  
> ~Skyway Bridge, Melissa McClelland

Agron opened his eyes, slowly, and realized the sun was up.

Shit! he thought to himself. Everyone will have gone…

He fumbled out of his sleeping bag, and yanked on the pants he’d been wearing the day before. He threw on a t-shirt hastily, unzipped the tent, and blinked in momentary blindness due to the sunlight.

He tugged on his boots, and hastened over to where the hikers were camped. He almost tripped over a log-shaped object that he hadn’t remembered being there the night before. A dark-haired head emerged from what Agron realized was a sleeping bag.

“Nasir! What the hell…?” Agron bent down, concerned he had kicked him in his haste. “What are you doing out here?” Nasir rubbed his eyes groggily.

“I wanted to ensure you were alright. It was a warm enough night, so I decided to stand by, just in case…”

Agron’s heart swelled. 

“So, are you ok?” Nasir asked, as he unwrapped himself from the sleeping bag.

“Yeah, yeah...what about you, I didn’t kick you, did I?” His voice was soft, and full of concern.

“No, I’m fine,” he assured, waving his hand dismissively. He was up now, folding the sleeping bag over his arm.

Impulsively, Agron wrapped him in a hug, before he had time to censor his action.

“Nasir?” he said.

“Yes?”

“Thank you.” And he hoped the shorter man could feel the gratitude that was rolling off of him. Nasir returned the hug, resting his ear on Agron’s chest, arms wrapped around his waist. Agron was suddenly aware of just how big their height difference was; Nasir was an entire head shorter than him. For some reason, that made the flames in his heart burn ever higher.

“You’re welcome,” Nasir replied, words muffled by the taller man’s shirt. Agron let go first.

“I should see to the horses. The others, have they…”

“They left already. I told them to leave their things in a pile for you.”

“Oh, man...Nasir, you didn’t have to. I am so sorry-” 

“No. Don’t apologize. You needed the sleep. Do you need a hand?” Nasir asked, with some reservation. Agron knew he probably wasn’t keen to interact with the horses, and he didn’t know his way around them, so Agron declined. 

“No, you’ve done enough - so much - already.” For the first time since his panic attack, he smiled in earnest. He left Nasir for the corral.  
\----  
Agron departed, leaving Nasir to take care of his own affairs. He hadn’t had a chance to pack up yet, being unwilling to leave Agron alone after his episode. The night had been a little chilled, in fact, but his sleeping bag had kept him warm enough. However, it was now soaked with morning dew, so he lay it in the sun on a young pine to dry. 

He made quick work of his tent, and having figured out the best order to place things in, had his bag assembled in record time. 

He returned to Agron’s site, and caught sight of the abandoned dinner from last night. 

_I suppose that will be breakfast._

He had finished his last night, after Agron went to sleep.

He was still angry with himself for allowing such a thing to occur. He wanted to help, not poke at a grievous wound. And this was where compassion had brought them. Agron insisted that it had been his choice, but Nasir was sure the topic wouldn’t have landed there if he had directed the conversation a little more skillfully. 

Nasir started a small fire, so as to boil some water for tea. Nasir was fond of tea, and had brought his favourite kinds along with him. The water was just beginning to boil when Agron returned, having finished his task.

“Hey. The train’s assembled, so I can just take your things and we can both be off in good time, if you want,” he offered.

“I can stand to wait a while longer. I just put some water on for tea, would you like some?”

“Oh. Uh, I’m actually more of a coffee guy, but sure I’ll join you. I brought my own supplies, you see.” He allowed a half-smile to grace his features, and even though it was but a fraction of the glory of his full grin, Nasir was heartened to see it.

“Listen. I don’t want you to think that what happened was in any way your fault,” Agron began, sitting beside Nasir on the log, and the minimized distance between them was noted. “You have to understand, I never-”

“But Agron, it WAS my fault,” Nasir interrupted. “You knew that I wanted to know more about your past, and wouldn’t have broached the topic if I hadn’t been so insistent in days past, and for that-”

“You helped me.” Agron interrupted this time, insistent on speaking. “Now listen. I was going to say that I have never talked about this particular time in my life to anyone. Ever. Not my colleague, not my family, not the shrink they set on me, NO ONE. You were the first to hear it out loud. The only others that know exactly...what happened...they’re gone. I have nightmares sometimes, and Myra has seen the fallout a few times, but I’ve never articulated on the cause. I never felt that I could.” He shook his head slightly, eyes trained on Nasir and full of emotion. “Not until you.”

Nasir was dumbfounded. He had assumed others, at least a therapist, had been witness to his tale. To keep such a thing inside for so long...no wonder events unfolded as they did.

“Nasir, I…” He faltered slightly, trying to regain his composure. He sighed heavily, and placed his hands on Nasir’s shoulders, locking his green eyes on Nasir’s. “I feel safe with you. You knew exactly what to do, you did everything right...you don’t make me feel like a victim, like everyone else does. You made me feel human.”

Agron might as well have thrown a load of bricks at Nasir. The raw honesty in his voice was evident, and was so direct, that the intensity of the statement even scared Nasir a little. His eyes left little room for Nasir to assume anything other than deep affection. He had heard confessions of love before, but somehow, this was more. This was a man with precious little trust to give, and here he had given Nasir most of it.

Nasir had always been told he was plain and would never amount to anything extraordinary, but here was this man, giving him the highest compliment he could conceive of.

Tears threatened, and spilled down his cheeks. Words would have been futile. Agron’s hands slid down his back, pulling Nasir into a fierce, yet gentle embrace. Agron rested his head on the top of Nasir’s, and for the first time, both were conscious of the sensation of their bodies, and very souls, blurring and becoming entwined. Nasir took the time to relish in Agron’s being, in his scent, which recalled woodsmoke and evergreen forests, as well as horses. Neither wishing to forsake this perfect moment in time, they held each other until the sun was well above the horizon.

This time, the break was mutual. Agron’s eyes were brimming full with tenderness and affection, and Nasir memorized the sight, locking it away in his memory to recall on a less favourable day. 

“Perhaps we should mosey on,” Agron said at last.

“Perhaps we should,” agreed Nasir.

“Come with me today?”

“Let’s do that,” Nasir said. He had no wish to be separated from Agron now. He had been enjoying himself alone, but a companion made things so much more defined; gave a journey so much more purpose.

After all, no man is an island.  
\----

He had finally said it. He had found what endeared him to Nasir, and he had put it to words, and told the man so. And it had paid off. He truly did feel human, for the first time in a long time.

Despite his episode last night, Agron was now feeling like he could walk anywhere without fear. And for the first time, for the very first time, that hollow feeling of loneliness that had set in his bones abated, and he felt lighter than he had in forever. 

He looked down, catching the way the filtered light caught Nasir’s shape, and watched the man move. He had the fluidity and strength of purpose of a jungle cat, and all of a sudden, Agron wondered if he was a good dancer.

Nasir glanced up, catching his eyes raking over him.

“What?” he asked simply. 

“I was just wondering to myself what you would look like dancing.” Nasir laughed.

“It’s nothing special, I’m afraid. If anything, I’d call it shifting my weight and bouncing a little to a rhythm. Nothing that resembles the art itself.”

“I’d like to see it sometime,” Agron added shamelessly. Nasir grinned.

“It’s a date.”

Though the horse trails were rougher ground than the hiking trails, Nasir was keeping up impressively well. The tempo of plodding hooves set the pace, and while Nasir was cautious to avoid the pack horses, he seemed more at ease around Spartan. But perhaps that was only because Agron was astride him.

The day was yet another warm one, and when the road twisted back into the wooded region, he breathed a sigh of relief. The sun was nice, but only so long as you had the option to take shelter from it. The eddies of cool air pockets generated by the forest cooled Agron’s sweating face, and he heard at least three of the horses snort in relief.

The trail began to slope upward sharply, and the exertion it required left little breath to spare for conversation. The horses were all panting, and Nasir began to lag behind a little. Agron waited up when he could, but the ground was not always favourable to stop on. Sometimes it was best to just keep moving, lest the horses get stuck on the muddy trail, or start to slip. 

Agron thought he was only a few paces in front of Nasir, but then heard a shout from behind.

His mind went blank and exploded with images of awful scenarios all at once. Launching off of Spartan, he tied the reins to a tree hastily, and dashed back down the trail, slipping and sliding in the mud.

Nasir was further behind than he thought. He immediately felt regret for allowing him to fall so far behind.

He found him leaned against the edge of a massive rock, with mud all down his left side, face scrunched up in pain. He wasn’t standing on his left leg.

“Nasir, what happened?!” Agron demanded as he ran to him. 

“I wasn’t watching, I think I rolled my ankle on a rock.”

“Does it hurt badly?” Agron asked, stooping to examine the damage.

“It’s not bad; I should be alright.” He tried walking a few steps, somewhat embarrassed by the situation. He couldn’t take a single step, and Agron only just caught him before he hit the ground.

“Yeah, I don’t think you’ll be walking on that. Take off your boot, let me see.” He stood Nasir back upright, hand firmly pushing him back to lean on the rock.

Nasir nodded, and undid the laces of his boot. Agron gingerly took his sock off, making him hiss in discomfort.

“What’s your assessment?” Nasir grimaced.

“Well, it’s already starting to swell. That means you probably sprained it. Did you hear a pop or crunch when it happened?”

“No, nothing audible. But I think I felt a few tendons shift.” Agron tried to keep the concern from his face.

“That bad?” Nasir asked, now turning his gaze to Agron’s face. Apparently he was easier to read than he suspected. He seemed calm, and Agron wondered at that. But then, he hadn’t heard all the stories Agron had about sprains and injuries in the backcountry.

“Well, I won’t lie. Of all the things to happen on the trail, an ankle sprain is considered one of the worst.” For a second, Agron was lost in worry.

“Where did you put the horses?” 

The question immediately snapped Agron out of his thoughts. He looked up at Nasir, hoping he would be open to his suggestion.

“They’re up the trail a ways, I made sure they were tied. So…” Nasir eyed him with a questioning gaze. “How opposed would you be to riding the rest of the way?” Instantly, the other man’s eyes widened.

“Uh...pretty damn opposed,” Nasir asserted. Agron had expected the answer.

“Look, there’s no way you’re going to be able to hop the rest of the trail. We’re in the middle of the trip now, so there’s no point in going back, because it will take just as long to reach the end of the trail. I have to go with the horses, because I have everyone’s supplies. I’m sorry, but we really don’t have much of a choice left to us,” Agron reasoned.

Nasir considered the words for a long time.

“Well, seeing as the horses are all tied together, there’s not much chance they could kick me off…”

“Wait, what? Did you think I was going to stick you on a horse by yourself?” 

“Yes? How else will this work?” Nasir looked profoundly confused.

“You’re riding with me,” Agron said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Realization broke across Nasir’s face.

“Oh...well, perhaps I can manage that,” he offered with a hesitant smile. 

“Mm, perhaps. Now, take my shoulder. I’d offer you a piggy-back ride, but we don’t need two gimps in this outfit,” Agron smirked, extending his arm. Nasir took his arm, and hoisted himself onto his good foot. 

The going was rough, and Agron silently thanked the powers that be that Nasir was as small as he was, otherwise it might have been much harder. He could tell he was in pain, and so tried to go as slowly and gently as possible. At last, they reached the horses, who were standing quietly, foraging leaves from the bushes that lined the trail. One snorted impatiently.

As the pair got to Spartan, Agron paused to consider how they would both fit.

“Do you mind waiting for a second? I’m just going to shift some of my gear so that two can fit.”

“By all means,” Nasir answered, hopping awkwardly over to a large rock. He watched silently as Agron moved some of his bags onto the horses behind.

“Alright, I’m going to bring them over. I’ll put you on first, then I’ll follow. Alright?”

Nasir nodded, obviously still nervous. Agron lined Spartan up beside where Nasir was sitting, so he could use the rock to help him get on if need be. 

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

Agron aided Nasir, hoisting the leg with his injured foot carefully over the horse’s back from the level of the rock. Nasir grimaced, having knocked his foot against the stirrup just in front of it. He was sitting just behind the saddle, and grasped the cantel to sturdy himself. Spartan shifted his weight on his hind legs, and surprised Nasir with the motion, causing him to crouch down, clutching the saddle ever tighter. Agron was fiddling with some straps on Spartan’s saddle.

“Would you PLEASE get up here,” he demanded, his calm quickly diminishing.

“Alright, settle down,” Agron assured, and hoisted himself into the saddle in one smooth motion, careful not to kick his passenger. “Now, if you want more stability, you can put your arms around my-”

Nasir snapped his arms around Agron’s waist before he could finish his sentence, and Agron was glad he couldn’t see the smile on his face. He reminded him of a cat clinging to an unsteady tree branch.

“Relax. All animals can read your emotional state, and if you’re tense, it comes through. You don’t have to trust the horse, I won’t ask you to do that just yet, but you can trust me. I’m in complete control,” Agron assured with a steady voice. He could almost feel Nasir’s rapid heartbeat through his jacket.

“I trust you,” came the answer. Spartan swished his tail.

“Just one more thing: try your hardest not to fidget your legs, because a kick is how you signal a horse to move forward.”

“Understood.”

For the first few paces, Agron was sure Nasir would chase the air from his lungs with his grip. They were moving uphill, so being behind the saddle offered a more precarious position than being in it. However, Nasir seemed to adjust quickly, and his grip soon lessened. 

\---

As the hours wore on, Nasir was feeling more and more comfortable on the horse. He had been terrified, but as Agron had promised, the bay was under his control.

He thought he’d be increasingly tense as the journey progressed, but he was surprised to find that wasn’t the case. The combination of of the steady rhythm of Spartan’s movement with Agron’s scent filling his nostrils, and the fact that they were now on flat ground, lulled him. His eyes began to feel heavy, and while his ankle still throbbed, he inhaled the smell of the man in front of him, and with cheek pressed to broad leather-clad back, closed his eyes and fell asleep.  
\---  
“Hey Nasir, we’re almost…” Agron felt the arms around his waist loosen gradually, and he realized that Nasir had fallen asleep. He was suddenly filled with a rush of protectiveness for the man.

As they pulled into camp, Agron discretely wrested himself from Nasir’s arms, and began to unload. He slumped forward into the saddle and did not stir.

The sight was such that it made Agron wish he had a camera. His face was so peaceful in sleep, and his expression so pleasant, that Agron didn’t want to look away.

Impulsively, he walked up to his horse and the man resting on him, and stroked a stray lock of hair from his face, smiling fondly all the while.

There was no point in playing the denial game anymore. He had fallen for this little man, and fallen hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 chapters!! No piece of my writing has ever made it this far, and I owe it all to the wonderful support I’ve been receiving. I mean that.   
> Sorry for the delay in getting this one out! I had an exam that demanded attention, and could only write in short snatches, so I apologize if that reflects in the chapter.  
> A bay is a dark brown horse with a black mane and tail, which is what Spartan is. A cantel is the back part of the saddle, the part that sticks up in the back.   
> Hope you enjoy, and thank you all from the bottom of my heart <3


	11. Respectable Dive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We’ve both kept our eyes on the ball  
> We know the lyrics to them all  
> These songs of fear
> 
> And baby I love you  
> And I do not want to lose you  
> But I’m not able to put my cards on the table  
> And if you only knew of the hand that I’m holding  
> You would be blushing  
> And I am so far from bluffing  
> In this respectable dive."  
> ~Respectable Dive, Rufus Wainwright
> 
> This isn't the last time I'll quote one of his songs. This one was written for his husband. I actually wanted to title this fic after the one that inspired it, but it didn't match the overall theme, so I decided differently.

Nasir was only vaguely aware that he was now slumped over the saddle of the horse. He could hear the sound of straps being loosened, but that raised no reason for alarm in his mind. 

He felt someone touch his shoulder, giving it a gentle shake.

“Nasir? We’re in camp now.”

He grudgingly sat up and opened his eyes. The sun was still a fair ways above the horizon, and he found himself alone. On a horse.

“Um, help get me down?” He only just managed to keep his voice even. Agron extended his arm in reply, easing Nasir down gently. He almost managed to clear his injured foot of the saddle without incident, but ended up whacking it against the horse’s hind end. Luckily, he didn’t spook, but the pain...he cried out, despite his best efforts to stifle it. 

Agron was right there, leading him to an opportune stump on which he could rest.

“You wait right there. I’ll get these guys tacked down, and then I’ll get a fire going for you,” Agron said. He must have seen Nasir shudder, because he draped his jacket over his shoulders. 

“Thank you. But I should really set up my tent…” Nasir answered, frowning, pulling the coat around him. He really didn’t want to be more of a burden than he already had been.

Agron scoffed, less in amusement and more in dismissal. “Not going to happen. You can share my tent tonight, I have more than enough room.” The surety in his voice surprised Nasir. He realized he was just being practical, but still...the thought set his mind aflame, and caused him to redden, despite the encroaching chill. He was too stunned to say anything before Agron walked away, leading the chain of horses.  
\---  
Nasir hadn’t given him an answer. He tried his best to tack down the horses and arrange all the gear in the utmost haste, but the thought wouldn’t leave his mind that he had overstepped.

Sharing a tent! What the hell was he thinking?! Given the express interest Nasir had shown him, this was more than a guide looking out for a guest. This was much more.

In the nights so far, he had fantasized many times about Nasir being beside him, sharing his warmth. The thought had caused his blood to rise, and he had trouble containing his runaway imagination. His hands exploring the finely-tuned muscles on Nasir’s back...his scent, enveloping him, driving all thought from mind…

Slamming the thoughts into the back of his mind, he focused entirely on the task at hand, and soon finished. Mustering his courage and overcoming his shame, he moved back toward Nasir. 

“Listen, about what I said...you don’t have to share my tent if you don’t want to, I could just as easily set up yours for you, and I’m sure you’d appreciate the quiet-”

“Agron!” Nasir interjected, stopping him in his tracks. “It’s ok. I will join you, if you’d still permit me,” he asked humbly. Agron’s mind had predicted his reply would be much less pleasant; angry even. He blinked, taken aback. 

“Of course,” he said at last, with a single nod. 

“It’s settled then.” Nasir’s smile reassured him in a way his words failed to, and Agron found himself returning the expression. 

“Come on, let’s get you set up by the fire. The air’s cooling down pretty fast, and while ice would be good for your ankle, the rest of you might disagree.” He helped him up, and hobbled him over to the edges of the fire pit, sitting him down on the log. Once he was settled, Agron set to work gathering the foundations for the fire. The brittle dead branches of coniferous trees usually worked best as kindling, but aside from that, the camps were stocked with an ample supply of wood, gathered by Agron and Myra in the weeks before the season opened. And the days had been blessedly clear, meaning that damp wood was no concern.

Satisfied with the accumulated pile, he set to work coaxing the fire to an acceptable height. The other hikers arrived just then, and Agron was glad they arrived when they did. He didn’t want to injure Nasir’s pride any more than it had been already.

“You know, I never actually got to put my fire-starting skills to use. I’ve been freeloading off of your skills for the entire trip,” Nasir commented, somewhat forlornly.

“I don’t mind a bit. I’ve been a solo act for so long, and it’s so nice to have company...especially quality company,” he added with a smile, directed at the injured man. The shadows were now encompassing the valley, and night was setting its dark cast over the sky. The emerging firelight illuminated Nasir’s face, but this time, Agron didn’t bother to look away. For a moment, he lost himself tracing the lines of his face into his memory.

“I agree,” Nasir said, looking at Agron with equal intensity. The fire was well established now, so Agron went to retrieve his bag to set up for the night.

Everything was prepared in less than half an hour. He set out his sleeping bag in the tent, and moved it from its customary central position to just off to the left. It was where he had slept when Duro had accompanied him on the few camping trips they did, and all of a sudden, the memory blindsided him, and he was filled with the familiar remorse and longing for the company of his brother. Shaking his head, he returned to the present a moment later. He picked up Nasir’s pack and brought it towards the flickering light.

“Here’s your stuff,” Agron said, setting the bag down beside the man and taking a seat on the log beside him. They were so close their thighs were touching.

“Much appreciated,” came the reply, and Nasir bent over to dig out his dinner.

“What’s on for tonight?” Agron inquired.

“Looks like…” Nasir reached his hand in the bag, and held the recovered packet up to the fire to divine its contents. “Pasta roma.”

“Scrumptious.”

“You know, it’s not bad, given enough time to hydrate,” said Nasir. Agron made a noise of dissent. 

“You say that now, but wait until you spend a summer eating the stuff,” he complained.

“Point taken.”

“The water will be a few minutes,” Agron said, and glimpsing the clear sky, looked up to see what stars had come out. There were only the bright ones so far.

“Yet another perfect night,” Nasir sighed. “Is it always like this, this time of year?”

“Not a chance,” Agron scoffed. “Usually it’s pissing rain, and the trails are a complete mess when it’s like that. Sometimes we don’t even open until next month,” Agron explained. “I’m beginning the think the gods favour your presence.”

“Gods? So you’re a polytheist?” Nasir asked, sounding intrigued.

“Not really. I believe in some form of higher power, but the whole monotheistic thing never made sense to me. Why would you believe in only one god, when humanity has had so many over the centuries? It’s like being a selective atheist. So, I just say gods. I guess it kind of rubbed off on me from my brother, too. He’s a full-out pagan.”

“I guess...I’ve never thought about it at length,” admitted Nasir. “My Nana was Muslim, and while I never took to it, I kind of grew up with a monotheist assumption.”

“Understandable.”

“Your brother...do you talk to him often?” The question was honest, but Agron couldn’t help but feel a smarting in his chest as he thought of him.

“No. Not often at all. Mostly at Christmas, if ever.” He poked at the fire to distract himself.

“May I ask why?” Agron sighed, not wanting to give. But...he also found himself not wanting to keep anything from Nasir. “Apologies. I shouldn’t have asked-” 

“Because I couldn’t face him after what happened to me.” Agron interrupted. He looked directly into Nasir’s eyes, and saw encouragement alongside genuine interest. It reassured him. “The men I fought beside...they were as brothers to me. And I…”

“Agron, you DON’T have to continue,” Nasir asserted, putting his hand on Agron’s knee. He was obviously nervous, after what happened last time. But Agron was not a lit stick of dynamite, and he didn’t want to be tiptoed around.

“I do. I want to. If that’s ok,” he asked. Nasir nodded. “I let them die. I might as well have killed them.” He felt the awful memory coming back, and worried he would unravel again. His pace was quickening, along with his breathing...but Nasir took his hand in both of his own, and rubbed his thumb over Agron’s comfortingly, bringing him back to the present. “Yeah...I just couldn’t take that responsibility. Duro was old enough to look after himself, and was actually in college. He was so happy, and really enthusiastic about his future. When I came back...I was something he didn’t recognize; something I didn’t recognize. He worried over me endlessly, constantly checking on me, making sure I was ok. The roles reversed. I basically raised him, and here he was, squandering his own life on the ruin that mine had become…”

“And so you ran.” Nasir didn’t drop his hand, but suddenly felt more distant.

“I couldn’t saddle him with what I became. Nor my uncle.”

“So you just decided that you were too good for them,” Nasir criticized. There was a look of disappointment and mild disgust on his face that cut Agron to his core, but at the same time, felt his ire rising.

“Look, I had no choice! They would have wasted their time with me, and I was not going to continue abusing their kindness like the wraith I was. I was protecting them!” Nasir dropped his hand.

“No, you weren’t. Cutting people out of your life doesn’t only hurt you, Agron.” And suddenly there was a steel in Nasir’s eyes that Agron hadn’t thought possible of their warm shade.

“Oh, trust me! They’re better off with me gone!” Agron was nearly shouting.

“I seriously doubt that!” Nasir argued, voice raising in turn.

“Listen! I was an addict! For three years, I showed up to family dinners so fucked out of my mind that I couldn’t even speak! What authority do you have to speak about MY family, huh? All of a sudden you show up, gut me of all my secrets, then proceed to judge me for it? I don’t think so.” With that, Agron got up, and stormed away to the corral before he could say anything else he might later regret. He knew full well that Nasir couldn’t follow, and was glad for it. 

“The fuck does he think he is?” Agron muttered to himself. His heavy footfalls alarmed a couple of horses, and they shied away from the sound. Still fuming, he punched the trunk of the tree just beside the corral, then sank down on its roots to simmer in his thoughts.

How was saving his family from the pain he caused them selfish? In what fucking universe could that be in any way construed as a selfish act? It had killed him to leave without so much as a farewell, but he knew he’d be better off healing alone, and that they’d be better off without the tempest that he was ripping through their lives every other day. No, he’d done them a favour.

His thoughts cycled back in anger again and again, but eventually, they slowed. He watched the horses calmly grazing in the moonlight, and listened to the sounds of the forest at night. There was a small creek nearby, and he could hear it gurgling. And all at once, he felt calmer. Once again, he was reminded why he had come out here in the first place. 

Anger having faded, he began to feel remorse for his explosion. Nasir didn’t deserve that. He had shown that he truly cared about him, in action more than words. It was more than anyone else had ever done for him, except maybe nature, but you cannot hold nature as your own, nor hurt it with your words. Formulating an apology, he rose, and moved to deliver it.

He returned to find Nasir staring forlornly into the flames. Hearing his approach, he turned to Agron.

“Look, I’m so-”

“I didn’t mean-”

Agron gestured for Nasir to go first. “I did not mean to judge you. You’re right; I don’t know shit about your family, I was simply reacting to my own pain. I’m truly sorry,” he said, eyes downcast.

He looked so sad, sitting hunched over with his elbows on his knees, hair drawn like a curtain shading his face. Agron went to him, and took his cheek in hand, sitting as close to him as he had been before.

“The fault is not yours. I reacted poorly, and on the advice of my pain, as well as you. I hope you can forgive me...your favour is the last thing on Earth that I want to lose,” Agron said tenderly.

“All is forgiven,” Nasir replied. Agron thought he glimpsed a tear in his eye, but it was gone a moment later. 

There was naught but affection in his eyes now, and suddenly, Agron’s own eyes were drawn to his lips, and he could no longer resist the urge that had gripped him so many times before this moment...and before he knew it, Nasir was leaning forward in consent, and their lips pressed together, as softly as new snow on the grass. 

It was as Agron had imagined, and yet so much more. Somehow, all the things that they were both feeling were transcribed into the kiss, and what started as a chaste connection soon gave way to a hungry want; a mutual need for closeness. Agron clutched the smaller man ever closer, as if to weld him to his own flesh through the layers of clothes that separated them, and Nasir responded, scrabbling his hands around Agron’s neck and down his back.

Suddenly, Nasir withdrew, hissing in pain. Agron was stunned for a moment, but then remembered his injury.

“Oh shit! I’m sorry...I forgot about that. Here, I think I have a tensor bandage in my first aid kit, at least I should,” said Agron, rustling in his pack and retrieving a small red bag with a white cross on it. He registered embarrassment on Nasir’s face, and added, “Listen, we’ll fix you up.”

Agron set to his task, carefully removing the sock from Nasir’s foot, and began wrapping the bandage around it as he was taught. Nasir winced.

“I’m sorry, just bear with me. This’ll hopefully prevent it from getting worse.” His lips tightened in sympathy; he’d had a sprained ankle before and knew the discomfort of it. He rolled the last of it around the swollen foot, and fastened it together with pins. “There, that should do it. It’s not too tight, is it?” 

“No, but it still hurts.”

“I know, and it likely will for a while. Here, take these,” Agron said, handing Nasir a couple of pills and taking his seat beside Nasir once more. “It’s Advil. Hopefully it helps take the edge off.” Nasir swallowed, chasing them down with a swig from his water bottle. Unexpectedly, he chuckled.

“What?” Agron inquired.

“It seems we’ve both had the chance to play nursemaid on this trip.” 

“Yeah, I guess so…” Agron chuckled in turn, and the awkwardness remaining from the interrupted kiss evaporated. 

“Where did you learn how to wrap an ankle?” Nasir asked.

“You can’t very well be a backcountry guide and not know a lick of first aid,” he replied.

“Thank goodness you do.”

“Yeah.” He paused, not sure if he really wanted to ask his next question. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Fire away,” affirmed Nasir.

“Where did you learn what to do for a person having a uh, panic attack? You handled that like a champ.” He met Agron’s gaze, who was nervously fidgeting his hands.

“Ah, that. Well, as part of my degree, I had to take a few psychology courses. One of my projects involved researching a mental illness, and I opted to write on anxiety. One of my close friends had it, and so that kind of sparked my curiosity. In my findings, I stumbled across how to help someone who’s having an anxiety or panic attack. I had to use that knowledge once or twice on my friend. So I suppose you could say I’ve studied it and put the knowledge to use in the past,” he explained. 

“So you’re a psychologist?” Agron inquired further.

“No, no! Much too much work for me, and not explicitly my area of interest. No, my degree was in sociology.”

“Cool! So, what have you done with it?” 

“Not you too,” Nasir groaned in mock irritation, rolling his head back in emphasis. “Everyone always asks that. Truth is: I have no bloody idea. I’m still trying to figure out my next move, which is another part of why I’m here.”

“No shame in that. The answer will come to you, I’m sure.” Agron barely stifled a yawn.

“I suppose it is getting late. Shall we eat?” Nasir asked. Agron had almost forgotten. Between the argument and the kiss, the thought of food had almost fled his mind. 

“Oh yeah! Good idea. Crap, most of the water will have boiled off by now…”

“Not to worry, I filled the food packets already.” Agron grinned at him.

“So efficient! You know, that’s a really good trait to have.”

“I have my talents,” Nasir said coyly, causing Agron’s cheeks to flush.  
\---  
“Here, give me your sleeping bag and thermarest. I’ll lay them out for you,” said Agron.

Nasir hated feeling so helpless, but handed them over anyway. Silently, he cursed his clumsiness. He was leaning against a tree near Agron’s tent, watching the shadows from inside as the flashlight illuminated Agron’s movements.

He poked his head out. “Finished!” he proclaimed with a foolish grin. Quietly, Nasir hoped he would be able to see all of Agron’s smiles, born of every emotion. “Can you get in by yourself, or-”

“I will manage quite fine, thank you.” Nasir yet had some dignity to preserve. He hopped to the tent, then awkwardly bent over, leg extended behind him, so that he could get in. He only just managed to delay his fall until he was over his bed. “This is going to be a pain in the ass,” he complained. He still had 4 whole days to go like this, and all of a sudden was feeling very tired.

“All things with time, little man.” The nickname had aggravated him at first, but he had quickly grown to accept it as a term of endearment. He looked up at the roof of the tent, and listened, in the brief silence, to the sounds of the nocturnal life around them. 

It was interrupted by the sharp whine of Agron’s sleeping bag zipper, who was settling down. 

“Just turn the light off when you’re ready,” he said. The Advil must have begun to work, because the pain he felt from his ankle as he slid into his own sleeping bag was minimal compared to what it had been.

As soon as he lay still, his eyes closed, and he was lost on the vast sea of dreams.  
\---  
_He must have fallen asleep,_ Agron thought. He reached for the flashlight, and flicked it off. 

He settled and closed his own eyes, but tired as he was, sleep evaded his grasp. He turned over a couple of times, trying to get comfortable. The night was colder than the previous ones, and just as he felt himself edging towards sleep, a shudder awakened him. 

Rolling his eyes and groaning, he reached into the sack of clothes that was his pillow, and pulled out a toque, wrenching it down over his ears. He zipped up his sleeping bag all the way, and wrapped the hood part around his head. As he began to warm up, he bent his legs, but found them obstructed by another body. For a moment, he was terrified he had kicked Nasir’s bad foot, but luckily, the other man didn’t so much as stir. He looked at the form of him, inhaling and exhaling rhythmically, and the sight lulled his mind. He inched closer, and soon, sleep found him, with his back pressed to Nasir’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, pillows are kind of bulky to take on the trail. What I do is stuff my extra clothes in a bag and use that.  
> It’s fair to say I’m projecting some of my own ideas and statements into Agron’s mind and mouth...oops XD  
> I apologize for this chapter being so late. I found out that my grandma’s in the hospital, so I dealt with that by drawing for about 10 hours over the last two days. I dunno, drawing calms me down. Lucky for you, one of the pictures was of Spartan :P I also did one of Agron.  
> Spartan: http://elementalshifter.deviantart.com/art/Spartan-522406030  
> Agron: http://elementalshifter.deviantart.com/art/Spartacus-Agron-sketches-522625671  
> Thank you all so very much <3


	12. Distant Dreams of Things to Be

Nasir woke to someone gently nudging him. Slowly, he opened his eyes.

“Hey, get up. I want to show you something,” Agron said softly.

He realized the sun was not yet risen. “Agron, what…” Nasir’s voice was thick with sleep.

“I know it’s early, but I also think we should get a head start today, if possible. That way we can take more breaks if we need to.”

He sat up, and Agron began rolling up his sleeping bag. He was already dressed, and smelled of fresh air, so presumably had been out to tend to the horses already. Nasir groped around for a new shirt, and at last came upon one that would be warm enough. He tugged the old one off and replaced it, all the while feeling Agron’s eyes on him. 

The painkillers had worn off in the night, because the pain that greeted Nasir was ferocious. He barely moved his foot, and yet the pain almost blinded him. Seeing his discomfort, Agron was ready with more pills and his water bottle.

“Thanks,” said Nasir, blinking in the flashlight beam that was now pointed towards him. He took the pills, then disentangled himself from his cocoon. He shuddered in the cool morning air.

As they emerged from the tent, Nasir noticed the fire was already burning.

“How long have you been up?” 

“About an hour. I usually get up before the sunrise,” Agron answered.

“Wow. I didn’t even hear you unzip the tent door,” Nasir marvelled. 

“Stealth is an acquired skill,” Agron winked. “How’s that ankle doing?”

“Still hurts, but I think the Advil is starting to work. The bandage stayed on, surprisingly.”

He hobbled over to the fire, absent Agron’s help, who must have sensed that he didn’t want to be coddled or fussed over. He found instant porridge already prepared; Agron handing him his bowl.

“Thank you,” he said, sitting down.

“Ah ah! Wrong way. Sit facing this way,” Agron instructed, giving him a nudge on the shoulder.

“Okay?” Nasir was puzzled, but didn’t ask. They were looking out on a grand valley, with a wild appearance that only multitudes of pine trees could lend. He could see the ghost of morning light just above the peaks, and suddenly knew why Agron had roused him so early.

Without exchanging any words, they ate their breakfast, watching the sunrise. A sliver of light pierced the veil of dawn, illuminating the scant fair-weather clouds high in the atmosphere. It was a fiery shade of pink, which bled a purple colour onto the skies behind. Slowly, and yet quickly, the sun ascended, changing the polychromatic sky to different shades by the minute. 

It was one of the most beautiful things Nasir had ever seen. He found his cheek dampened by a single tear, but couldn’t place the reason for its appearance. He set his bowl down, and extended an arm around Agron’s waist, leaning his head against his sturdy shoulder. He glanced up, and found Agron smiling warmly, though not at anything in particular. His face was illuminated by the dramatic light, and Nasir thought the sight equally as beautiful as the spectacle he’d just witnessed. The taller man then leaned his own head on top of Nasir’s, and in this position, they watched the last remaining minutes of the dawn.

“Good morning,” Agron said simply, turning his head to kiss the top of Nasir’s head. He was only slightly conscious that he hadn’t, in fact, bathed in what was now 4 days. He consoled himself with the fact that Agron smelled much the same. It wasn’t bad, it was simply...human. 

“You do this every morning?” Nasir asked, awed.

“I try to. I have a particular weakness for sunrises, and I’m usually the lone spectator. I liked it that way,” he explained.

“Well, I am fortunate then, to share with you such a jealously guarded display,” Nasir smiled. 

“And there’s none other I’d rather share it with,” he said, wrapping an arm around Nasir’s comparatively thinner shoulders and giving them a squeeze. “I should prepare for the day. Do you mind putting the fire out?”

“Not at all.” With that, Agron departed for the corral, leaving Nasir to his thoughts.

If ever there was a more perfect way to spend a morning, Nasir hadn’t experienced it yet.  
\---  
Agron’s mind was abuzz with warm thoughts. He went about the tacking-up of the horses more cheerfully than usual, even humming to himself, which he only did when he was especially happy.

He’d had crushes before, and a few flings with other men, but he couldn’t recall ever feeling so...light before. 

One of the other hikers interrupted his thoughts. 

“Hey, is Nasir alright?” she asked. She was roughly middle-aged, and looked like an experienced hiker, grey-streaked blonde hair adding to her wizened appearance. “I saw you wrapping his ankle last night.”

“Yeah, I think he’ll be ok. It would help if there were some ice around, but he’ll live.”

“Poor dear...well, tell me if he needs anything! I have some medical experience, you see. So you’ll ferry him the rest of the way?”

“That’s the plan,” Agron confirmed. “I’ll let you know. Thanks for asking.”

“Anytime,” she answered with a smile. The last bag was now piled onto the day’s load. 

Agron set to work, making sure to allocate anything bulky from Spartan’s saddle to the other horses. Leading the train and double-checking the site for forgotten things, he moved back towards Nasir. He wasn’t at all surprised to find him packed and ready. 

“One of your fellow hikers asked after you,” Agron informed him.

“Oh? Who?”

“I’m not sure of her name, but she had blonde hair, and looked somewhere around middle-aged.”

“Ah, Bev! Yes, we had conversations on the trail for the first day and a bit. Her walking pace is similar to mine, though slightly faster, which gave us cause to converse. She’s a wonderful woman,” Nasir complimented.

“Mm. So, you ready for another day of riding?” he asked enthusiastically, clapping his hands together once then rubbing his palms together for emphasis, grinning madly all the while.

“Let’s just do this,” Nasir replied, looking as though he was steeling his nerves against the rigours of riding double. 

“You did great yesterday, and you seemed to get more comfortable with it as the day went on,” Agron encouraged, still grinning.

“I was tired, that’s all,” Nasir stated emphatically. 

“Right. Anyway, let’s get you up,” Agron said, beckoning Nasir towards Spartan. He hobbled over, still clearly uncomfortable, but moved with more surety than yesterday, despite his impediment.

Agron kneeled down on the right side of the horse, cupping his hands together to make a step for Nasir. There was only a moment’s hesitation from Nasir, and Agron gently raised him over the back of the horse, this time without bumping his foot. Normally, you NEVER got on the right side of a horse, but in this case, there was little choice, as Nasir could hardly hoist himself up from his injured left foot. Agron however, got up from the left side as he was accustomed to, gracefully as ever. 

Immediately, he felt Nasir clasp his waist, and giving the man’s hands a pat, he picked up the reins and nudged the horse onward and down the trail.  
\----

Agron had been right. It wasn’t just his fatigue that had caused him to fall asleep yesterday. He was getting more relaxed on the horse, now so deeply in tune with the rhythmic pattern of steps that the nervousness evaporated some. However, there was still some left to simmer. Horses were animals after all, and no matter how well an animal is trained, you can always count on them to do at least one thing that you don’t expect. It hadn’t happened yet, but his mind was alert to the possibility.

Nasir almost actually preferred riding, in terms of the experience. He was now free to look up and around as often as he pleased, not having to focus on his footing or pacing his breathing. He delighted in the soft greens that danced through the canopy, and the rays of light that pierced it to dapple the ground with a kaleidoscope effect. 

Agron hadn’t made any attempt at conversation, and made no noise aside from the occasional cluck to urge Spartan on. Nasir didn’t mind in the least. He was content to sit in his own thoughts, and enjoy his prolonged proximity to Agron. Such a thing did not require words to make it more enjoyable. One did not need to converse with a river to enjoy its peace.

Nasir thought on more than one occasion that this was what it must feel like to be in a fairy tale. Not a care in the world, riding through some of Earth’s most impressive landscapes with one he could love.

He stopped himself there. Love?

They had kissed once. One time. That was nowhere near enough to determine if a feeling was love, or simple infatuation. He knew this, and yet...his instincts were crying out that this was something more; something deeper, that maybe he couldn’t yet understand.

He rested his temple against Agron’s gently flexing back, watching the forest go by. He sighed. What would happen when the trail ended? What waited for them there?

He was scared to even ponder it. Brow knitting together, he pushed himself as close to the taller man as possible. 

Would he leave, go back to Calgary and forget to call Agron, silence stretching months between them?

Suddenly, vehemently, Nasir rebelled against the thought.

Whatever this was, whatever they were, whatever they were to become...Nasir wanted to try. He at least wanted to do that.  
\---

As night descended and they all settled into camp, thoughts began to creep into Agron’s mind of the long-term implications of what he felt for Nasir. There was no denying the connection, the spark...but would it ignite into something more lasting?

He grew troubled, and a frown creased his face as he carried out his various chores. Nasir had noticed, and Agron felt him looking at him, and tried to reassure him with easy smiles and gentle words, but he knew he was onto him.

By the time they sat down together for dinner, both were lost in their respective thoughts. Agron broke the silence first.

“Want me to take a look at that ankle again?” he asked, choosing a safely mundane topic.

“Sure,” Nasir replied. As Agron knelt down, he saw that the swelling had gone down marginally, but still not enough for his liking. Suddenly, an idea dawned on him.

“Wait here,” he said, and before Nasir could protest, he dashed to the tent, pulling out a ziploc baggie from one of the pockets in his bag. He made his way to the creek, and let some water flow into the bag before coaxing most of the air out of it and sealing it. A couple of horses looked up in curiosity, others merely notching an ear his direction. 

Kneeling at Nasir’s feet again, he took the bag, and wrapped it around the ankle. Nasir hissed.

“Damn, that’s cold!” 

Agron grinned. “Excellent!” He couldn’t believe he didn’t think of it before! All these streams were glacier-fed, and as a result were colder than hell. Especially now, when the spring melt contributed to the water feed.

He wiped his hands on his pants and took a seat next to Nasir, pleased with his handiwork. He had wrapped the bandage loosely around the bag, keeping it in place. The food was ready now, and as they ate and the excitement of innovation wore off, the nagging thoughts and worries returned. Both of them ate slowly, enjoying each other’s company as they had been all day: with simple touch. 

As they finished, Agron spoke up. “You did good today.”

“Thanks,” Nasir said, looking down. Agron had a hunch that the thoughts that plagued him were also creeping into Nasir’s mind. Agron was familiar with the trail, and had passed many of the points along it today that reminded him of the impending end. But, Nasir knew that they only had 2 days left now, even without knowing the trail. And time waits for none. 

“So...what happens after this?” Agron finally worked up the courage to ask. He was aware that he was wringing his hands again, as he always did when engaging conversation on a subject that made him nervous.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I can truly say I never want this to end,” answered Nasir, smiling wistfully and gazing up at yet another clear sky of stars. He slowly turned his gaze to Agron. 

Agron allowed a sad smile to grace his face. “Nor do I.” He didn’t know whether to ask him to stay or to give him his number, which would be more of a gesture than anything, as the hills where he spent most of his time had no reception. Gazing at him now, lovestruck as he was, he knew he never wanted Nasir to leave his side. Yet his rational mind told him that that was too much too soon. He drank in the sight of him, clothed in now substantial moonlight, face kissed by the firelight. How he longed for his touch... 

As if answering his thoughts, Nasir leaned in, and as the night before, their lips met, this time fuelled by something more...desperate. Yet it did not venture out of the realms of chastity, and was born of a simple need for each man to reassure themselves of the other's existence and desire. 

When they broke apart for breath, Agron took his hand and placed it on Nasir’s neck, stilling him. He pressed his forehead to the other man’s, and they stayed like that for a moment.

“Would that this foot were healed…” Nasir complained. Agron smiled.

“I know exactly what happens next, then. I’m taking you to the hospital- just to make sure.” It was a poor compromise for an actual plan, but it had to start somewhere.

“Sounds like a plan,” Nasir said, smiling and resting his head on Agron’s shoulder. The night was even colder than the last, and Nasir shuddered.

“Shall we turn in?” Agron asked, rubbing Nasir’s shoulder with the hand stretched around his shoulders in an attempt to warm him.

“I think so.” Shifting his position so that he could better support Nasir, they made their way to the tent.

Once they were in, Agron remembered his makeshift ice pack. “Hey, is that water around your foot still cold?”

“As with the rest of me,” Nasir replied. 

“Alright, we’ll take it off and I’ll re-wrap it. Hold still.” Agron transferred the flashlight from his hand to between his teeth so that he could see in the darkness. The swelling had gone down notably. “Ha! I’m a genius,” he praised himself.

“It seems so,” Nasir acknowledged. “It even hurts less.”

“Excellent!” Agron raised his eyes to Nasir’s for a moment. “That ok?” Nasir simply nodded. He cupped his hands to the darkly stubbled cheek, and then took his place on his own thermarest. He tucked himself in, and hung the light on a hook at the apex of the tent. 

He watched Nasir crawl into his sleeping bag, noticing that he didn’t take off any layers. Hopefully he’d be warm enough in the night. 

“Goodnight, little man,” he smiled, flicking the light off.

“Goodnight.” Agron could hear the reciprocated smile in the word.  
\---

Nasir awoke in the night, shivering violently. He tried to get to sleep, but tired as he was, he was just too cold to wade into the sea of dreams. 

He tried to snuggle closer to Agron, but through the sleeping bags, not much heat could be transferred. He resigned himself to a long night.

“Hey, you good?” came a groggy voice. He must have woken him, even though he thought he had been subtle in his shifting.

“Uh…I guess I’m a bit cold,” Nasir allowed; proud of himself for speaking around his chattering teeth.

“Here,” Agron said, unzipping the side of his bag and then Nasir’s. “We can zip them together, it’s warmer that way.” Agron had clearly done this before, as there was minimal fumbling before he managed to join the different zippers together.

As soon as the two bags were joined, Nasir instantly felt warmer. They were both wearing several layers to keep out the chill, but even still, the combined body heat sufficed much better than Nasir’s alone. He was prone to the cold, and always had been (he supposed as a result of being born in a warmer clime).

Agron coiled his arms around Nasir's waist, and drew him close, his back pressed to Nasir’s considerably bigger chest. He felt Agron’s warm breath on his neck and his pulse beating steadily beneath his ribs, and allowed a foolish grin to creep across his lips and stay there, until he drifted into dreams.

He was vaguely aware of dreaming about a nap in the sun, in someplace warm and peaceful. And in the cold bite of early spring, as far as he was concerned, Agron was even better. Except that he was not a dream, a fact made known only because of arms slung carelessly around him, providing all the warmth he required.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long again! And I’m sorry I can’t elaborate more on the whole kiss thing, but I have zero experience to derive it from. XD  
> Yes, I totally fell for the cheesy-as-hell “we need to share heat” thing. Maybe you saw it coming. I don’t know.  
> I feel like this is shaping up to be a long fic. If you’re into that, great! Stick around, more will come eventually. I still have a lot of places I want to take these guys :) If you’re not into that...sorry for dragging it out >.


	13. Converge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Babe, you have nothing to fear for  
> This is as real  
> As the rain
> 
> My love for you  
> Is as deep as a coal mine..."  
> ~With A Bullet, Sam Roberts

Agron awoke to discover Nasir still wrapped firmly in his arms.

_So it wasn’t a dream..._ he mused.

It was still dark out, but the sun would rise soon enough, and as it was their second last morning together (on this trip, anyway), Agron had no wish to miss it.

He planted kisses along Nasir’s neck, moving slowly up, towards the top of his head. As they were positioned, it was a bit of a stretch to reach, but Agron managed. He hiked his knee up overtop of the smaller man’s leg, ever cautious about accidentally nudging is bad foot, and nuzzled his face into the crook of his neck. The smell of any sort of shampoo had long since washed off, leaving only Nasir’s unadulterated scent...and Agron adored it. 

“Mmm,” Nasir mumbled, and even in this simple sound, he could hear the smile spreading across his face. Nasir rolled over to face him, eyes now open, yet still weighted with sleepiness. “Morning,” he said. 

“Morning,” answered Agron. Each gazed at the other with stars in his eyes, both considering how lucky they were to have found each other’s arms.

“The sun will rise soon. Care to join me?” Agron asked, gently stroking Nasir’s face.

“Is that even a question?” There was something in the younger man’s smile that sent a pulse of affection coursing through his veins, and he allowed himself to be steeped in the feeling for a time. He had only woken up enwrapped in another person a handful of times, and even then, it was usually only a minor fling.

He had been through so much, and had come so far...and now, it was starting to feel truly worth it. He was hesitant to place his purpose in a thing so fragile as another human being, and yet, he could think of no better place to put it. The realization was both thrilling and terrifying, and the urge to pull away gripped him, but something in Nasir’s deep brown eyes held him there. 

A second realization struck: no matter what, he wanted to be with this man.

He kissed Nasir’s forehead, then emerged from the conjoined sleeping bag. Nasir followed suit, though Agron was the first out of the tent.

He stretched his arms, giving them a roll to remedy the stiffness that had set in. He’d already gathered wood for the morning fire, so all that was left to do was set the kindling and heat the water.

“You good with instant oatmeal?” he asked.

“I do have my own food, you know.”

“Yeah, but I always bring more than I need, just in case.”

“In case of what?” inquired Nasir.

“Sometimes we can get freak weather storms on the upper region of the trail that can sock in for days. Worst case scenario, snow can come along and trap you up here until help arrives, and that can be weeks sometimes,” Agron explained, as he was filling his kettle.

“Woah...has that ever happened to you?”

“Not to me, no, but Myra has stories about it.”

“Oh?” Nasir encouraged.

“Yeah. There was this one trip she tells about before I came along where that happened. She was doing the same thing I do, leading the train rather than being a guide for the riders. Anyway, there were 6 of them, not including her, and they reached the upper camp we were at a couple of days ago. This system moved in from the west, and those ones are always the worst. It brought a solid 10 inches of snow overnight, and luckily they made camp before it started, but they were all completely snowed in after a few hours. They had to spend the night waking up in turns, keeping the snow off the tents; not to mention Myra had to look after the horses. They were stuck up there for three days before anyone could get them out, and Myra had to stay even longer, because she wouldn’t leave the horses. She says it was the scariest days of her life,” Agron concluded. Nasir’s eyebrows were raised.

“I didn’t know something like that could happen that quickly...was there no indication on the forecast?” he asked.

“Nope, it just blew in and blindsided them. That’s the nature of life out here though, you have to roll with the punches that nature throws.”

“I’m not sure I’d want to go back after an experience like that…” Nasir said.

“Yeah, she’s a tough cookie, that one.”

“Water’s boiling,” Nasir pointed out. Agron took the kettle off its crook above the flames and poured some water into each of their waiting bowls. 

“I’d like to talk to her more,” Nasir commented. “You two seem to be a good team.”

“We’ve become close over the years, it’s true. That happens when you work so closely with someone in a place like this; there’s no way to make it alone.”

“Much like any other place.” Agron thought Nasir looked a bit forlorn, but he didn’t ask about it. If he wanted to speak, he could. But he didn’t.

The sun began to peek above the jagged spine of the mountains, but this time the colour was more golden and orange. Not for the first time, Agron wondered why every sunrise had a different cast of colours that seemed to blend seamlessly, no matter how different. 

Both of their hands were occupied with their food, but they still managed to sit as close to each other as possible. 

Again, they beheld the everyday miracle in comfortable silence, fire warming their backs and sunlight breaking over their faces, already beginning to banish the chill of the night.

A lonely cry pierced the silence, and Agron looked up to spot a golden eagle riding the currents around the valley stretched before them. The warm light reflected off of its feathers, giving the bird an ethereal presence. He nudged Nasir, pointing to the bird. Nasir nodded enthusiastically.

Both of them finished at around the same time, and by then, the sun had completed its ascent above the peaks. They gravitated towards each other without intention, leaning into each other, hands placed over one another’s. 

“Alas, to work,” Agron said, and hearing the other hikers stirring, moved to start the tasks of the morning. He gave Nasir a quick peck on the cheek, then made his way to the corral.

\----

They were well underway by the time it was about 10 oclock. That was another thing Nasir loved about being way out here: time ceased to matter. City life moved in accordance to the passive god of the clock, quietly governing the lives of those beneath its rule. Here, the sun was the only indication of the hour, and there was a great peace in not knowing - and not having to know - the exact hour or minute. 

Nasir had been much more comfortable getting on the horse this morning, and was now hardly nervous about what he would do. He was under Agron’s control, and he almost seemed more complacent when both of them were riding. He asked Agron about it.

“I noticed that too. I think he senses your nervousness, and wants to let you know it’s ok,” Agron replied. “Some horses are just like that, while others...well, they’ll try to get away with as much as possible.”

“You know, perhaps one day I may even consent to ride one.” Nasir couldn’t see Agron’s fiendish grin from behind.

“I thought you’d never ask! Wanna take the reins for a bit?” Agron asked, looking over his shoulder at him. Nasir was suddenly terrified again.

“I didn’t mean today!” His voice was pitched high with fear. He unwittingly clenched Agron’s midsection tighter.

“Ok, I get it...on your own time. I’d never make you do anything you don’t want to.” His voice was low, and soothing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push it.”

He could sense Agron’s true remorse, and guessed he would start beating himself up if he didn’t say something.

“It’s ok. I will find my way to it eventually, I’m sure,” he said somewhat hastily. “Especially if I stick around for a while,” he added, before he could catch the commitment in it.

Agron looked over his shoulder at him again. “Would you?” Even in the one eye he could see, there was a...vulnerability in his eye he hadn’t seen since the panic attack. Nasir could feel the tension thrumming underneath his touch.

Did he truly stake so much on Nasir already? 

He found himself delighting in a sort of selfish pride. And really, what did he have to go back to? Yes, a brother, but he had embarked on his own path long ago, and though they had been close as children due to shared trauma, a distance had manifested between them.

“I would. I mean, the doctor will probably keep me for a while anyway, and where can I drive with a busted ankle?” With that, Agron twisted himself around in the saddle, and planted a hasty yet affectionate kiss on Nasir’s forehead before facing front again.

“I’d drive you home if that’s what you wanted; I’d never seek to trap you somewhere.” Again, hesitation was plain in his features. Why was he offering to help him leave if he truly wanted him to stay?

“Do you want me to stay or not?” Nasir asked plainly, though not angrily.

“Trust me, Nasir, it’s all I want at this point.” Agron spoke in such a way that was empty of hesitation this time. 

Now it was Nasir’s turn to kiss the back of his neck, and Agron placed his hand on the arms encircling him.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, shorter chapter, but I felt that this was a good place to end it. It was just...right.   
> Sam Roberts is my all-time favourite musician, and while I don't generally ask people to listen to the songs I quote, it would be nice if you listened to this one. Minus the one "girl" in the lyrics, the song fits seamlessly with these two as I'm portraying them.  
> With A Bullet, Sam Roberts. You won't regret it!  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXwFRwOblp0  
> Thank you to everyone who comments consistently, and to everyone else who doesn't (or leaves kudos)! Everyone who even takes the time to look at this means so much to me, so bless each and every one of you! <3


	14. Final Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Mention of rape. Not explicitly described, but the mention is there.

Dusk arrived quickly once they had entered the last campsite. Agron made the usual preparations, but this time Nasir started the fire and set the water to boil. Agron returned to a roaring hearth, and looked on Nasir with surprise.

“I’ve spent enough nights watching you do it,” Nasir shrugged, without Agron even asking. 

“I’ll make an outdoorsman out of you yet,” Agron said with a broad grin, placing an affectionate hand on his shoulder and taking his seat beside him. Nasir had already put the water on his food, and Agron did the same.

“Agron, I’ve been thinking…” A knot suddenly twisted into existence in his gut. This was it. He didn’t want to stay.

“Oh?” he managed to grunt, already beginning to brace against the words he was sure were coming.

“I really think you should go see your brother.” A breath Agron hadn’t been aware he was holding escaped his lips, and with it a nervous chuckle. 

“You find the thought amusing?” Nasir’s expression was so perplexed, that it caused Agron to break into a full-out guffaw. He could practically see the question mark above his head.

“No, it’s not that! I was sure you were going tell me that you wanted to leave after we got back. Whenever someone says something like ‘I’ve been thinking’ or ‘We need to talk’, my mind jumps to the worst thing they could possibly tell me.”

“That’s the worst thing I could possibly tell you?” Nasir’s eyes lit with understanding, mouth curving into a flirtatious smile. 

“Yeah, it kinda is,” Agron replied truthfully. Nasir chuckled, and this time he initiated the chaste kiss that found its way to Agron’s lips. They broke apart, faces only centimeters from each other, and Agron held the side of his head in his hand, thumb idly stroking through the long black mane of hair he’d come to love so well. 

“You shirk from subject.” Shit. Nasir was onto him. He removed his hand, and stared resolutely into the flames.

“But after so many years...surely he’d have moved on? I mean, he’s probably got a million better things to do than talk to his fuck-up older brother-”

“You did your best, I’m sure. And I just have this feeling that he would want to see you. My own brother and I parted ways mutually, but we’re not as close as I think you and Duro were, and are. If you just talked to him about why you left, like you did with me, I’m sure he’d understand,” Nasir reasoned. 

Agron sighed heavily. The years of silence would make the encounter inconceivably awkward, and he didn’t want to face it. His shame still burned brightly inside him, and not only the shame for his actions during his years as an addict. It went against every instinct he had to leave his brother behind, because for so many years, it had been the two of them against the world. When he returned from Afghanistan, he fought demons that Duro could never share, much as he might have wished to. Agron would never wish such torment on his kin; his only brother.

“I’ll even come with you, if you so desire it,” Nasir offered, still insistent. 

“Food’s ready,” Agron said, turning his attention away.

\--------

Nasir had realized when he first talked to the man that he was falling for an incredibly stubborn character, and here was proof.

Frustrated, yet understanding, he allowed Agron’s deliberate avoidance of the topic to pass without further badgering. There was no winning with some people, and he was sure the topic would arise again when Agron was ready. If one wished to gain the trust of a wounded and stubborn person, patience was the only course of action. 

They ate in silence, though it was not uncomfortable. They watched the sun set above the tree tops, painting the sky in markedly different colours from the pallette seen at dawn. Nasir agreed with Agron. Sunsets were beautiful, but sunrises held a certain something...more.

He’d always thought this, but the recent morning cuddles with Agron as they beheld it had simply sweetened the experience. 

His ankle hurt even less today, and Agron had again employed the trick of using the chilled stream-water in place of an ice pack. Between that and the Advil, Nasir could hardly feel any discomfort. However, he still couldn’t place weight on it. It looked as though he would return to civilization on the back of Spartan. There was only a shade of worry about how he would be received by the others.

And Myra. She was obviously an important person to factor in, if he was going to be staying for a while. 

“Agron, how do you think Myra will react to my wish to stay?”

Agron scoffed. “She won’t mind one bit. We’ve got a couch/bed hybrid in the living room with your name on it.”

Nasir was relieved. “And she knows of your preferences?”

“That I’m about as straight as slinky?” Agron grinned broadly. He waved a hand in dismissal. “Yeah, no worries. Somehow we lapsed into the topic when she interviewed me for the job, and she didn’t even bat an eye. Most folks that come here are the same, so I count myself lucky for that.” Nasir thought there was a story behind his closing remark.

“You’ve been places where the ignorant still remain?” he asked.

“In the army? You’d better believe it. Most of the guys were cool, but there were a couple that made jabs at me whenever they got the chance. You learn to ignore it, after so many years. I’ll never forget the first time I encountered someone who didn’t think I was ‘normal’, back when I was a kid...Duro actually ended up kicking his ass, unbeknownst to me until years later.” Agron chuckled, then let out a sigh. “What about you? I can’t imagine your life must have been easy as a youngster, if your aunt kicked you out just for being gay…”

It wasn’t a topic Nasir liked to contemplate, but Agron had already bared part of his own soul to him, and it was only fair to reciprocate.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry. You don’t need to answer,” Agron added quickly. Nasir looked at the abashed expression on his face, and his heart clenched. He was so considerate, and Nasir hadn’t had dealings with many such people.

“I want to tell you. It’s ok,” he put on his most reassuring smile, despite the unease he felt around the topic. Agron nodded, silently encouraging him to continue. 

“In my younger years, as I’ve said before, my aunt set me up on a number of dates with girls she thought would make a good match for me. They were always uncomfortable affairs, and I suppose I knew from an early age that I was gay because of these...dates. When I was 18, and finally allowed more freedom, I frequented a local gay bar, to try and meet people, you know?”

Agron made an expressive snort, and nodded his head, looking at Nasir with interest all the while.

“Well, I was relatively successful. There was a man a couple of years older than me that I thought was perfect. We had met several times before, and he’d been so nice to me. He made me believe that I could live my own life and be proud of myself. But when I went back to his place...he…” Nasir had to pause. He went to great lengths to forget this experience, and now here he was, recounting it. 

“You don’t have to say it,” Agron said, so gently that Nasir almost didn’t hear it. He realized the big man was clutching his knee with his hand. Yet when he looked into his eyes, there was a fury there that he had never seen before, just barely reined in.

“He took me without my consent.” Nasir let out a great, shuddering sigh, in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. “I came home in tears, and my aunt asked what happened. I didn’t wish to lie, so I told her the truth. All of it. She recoiled, as if I had suddenly grown horns, then started screaming at me to pack my things and leave. I asked her where I was supposed to go, and my brother tried to reason with her, but to no avail. I was out on the street, the next thing I knew.”

Agron was now shaking, jaw clenched and eyes burning. “If I ever met her...or that sick fuck...I swear…” Nasir took the hand Agron had coiled into a fist. Upon seeing Nasir’s imploring gaze, he calmed himself a bit, with visible effort, and asked, “So where did you go?”

“I went to a friend’s house. She had been my friend all through junior high and high school, and she and her family were so nice to me...but once I had recovered some, I started looking for places to rent. I didn’t want to burden them any further, because I knew their family had trouble with finances. And so, a month later, I moved out on my own into a small multi-unit house that’s still my home to this day.” He searched Agron’s face, trying to gauge his reaction. Traces of his anger still remained, but compassion had replaced fury as the dominant expression. 

It was strange. He had told a handful of people about his experience, and most either responded by looking at him as though he was a lost kitten, or, in the case of the psychologist he had seen, carefully controlled acceptance, but empty of true human compassion. Agron had said that he’d made him feel human when he shared his own traumatic experience, and now, he understood what he meant. 

“What about your brother? Did he not come visit you?” Agron asked.

“He did, quite frequently. He and Chadara - my friend who I was staying with - were what got me through it.”

“Did they loan you the money it took to move? That couldn’t have been an easy feat.”  
Nasir squirmed a little bit. He always hated mentioning that he was not rich, exactly, but rather well-off. It gave people a perception of him that was false, and he avoided bringing it up for that reason. 

“Well, the thing is...my brother and I both inherited a substantial amount of money from our parents when they died, and all the money was put in bank accounts that no one could access except for us, when we came of age. Luckily, that age was 18, and I used some money to move. I used a fair chunk of it for my schooling after that.” He waited for the look of contempt, envy, or even disgust that people gave him when he revealed that fact, but saw only acknowledgement on Agron’s face, and nothing more.

“I kind of figured you came from a pretty good place financially, what with your fancy hiking gear and all. Most of it looks like new, top-of-the-line stuff,” Agron said casually. 

“It is...I wanted to ensure I did it right the first time around,” Nasir answered, still slightly stunned at Agron’s lack of surprise.

“You’re a brave person, Nasir. I hope you know that. I don’t know where I’d be without my uncle or brother…and you’ve become such an amazing person, and though we haven’t been acquainted that long, I’m proud of you.”

For some reason, the presumably closed floodgates opened, and Nasir couldn’t hold back the tears. They streamed down his face, and he gave a small sob before he leaned over and silently wept into his hands. 

“Hey, it’s ok...did I say something wrong…?” Agron was rubbing both his shoulders, and sounded really concerned.

“No, it’s not that...it’s just...no one’s ever told me that before,” he managed between hiccups.

“What, that you’re brave?” Nasir couldn’t help but laugh now, and before he knew it, he was laughing through his tears. He swatted Agron’s chest playfully.

“No, you colossal doof, that they’re proud of me.”

“You can’t be serious...not even your brother, or your friends?” Agron sounded legitimately surprised.

“No, nobody. Certainly not my aunt. She still calls me an abomination,” Nasir said, voice becoming more even, now that his tears were dissipating. “I kind of inferred that they were proud of me, but it means a lot to hear someone say it.” Agron placed a hand on his cheek, and rubbed away a tear with his thumb.

“Well, now you’ve heard it. And conquering your fear of horses like that? Yeah, that’s a cause for pride in my books,” Agron praised. 

“That’s only because someone showed me how. That, and circumstances sort of demanded it.”

“Don’t worry, you’re almost out of the woods,” Agron quipped with an impish grin, raising his eyebrows. 

Nasir shoved him away. “Do you subject everyone you get close to to your terrible puns?” Despite how lame it was, Nasir couldn’t help but smile. 

“Yep, it’s kind of a character quirk I guess. Just ask Myra. I’ve had my fair share of shoes and other things thrown at me as a consequence,” Agron laughed. They shared a glance that was equal in warmth and intensity as the fire before them. 

It was getting late, and Nasir was now having trouble keeping his eyes open. Despite himself, he yawned.

“Shall we call it a night?” Agron asked. Nasir nodded his assent. Agron deposited their food garbage into the bag that would go up the bear-pole, and left to hoist it up with the rest of the food. Nasir unwrapped the bandage on his foot that held the water-pack in place.

Agron re-wrapped his foot when he got back to the site, and soon, they were both in the tent, this time changing into different clothes. Nasir would have done so last night, but it was just too cold. This night was a bit warmer, but still chilly. He inadvertently shuddered once his shirt was off, and Agron caught sight of it.

“Should we join the sleeping bags again?” he asked, not succeeding in keeping the hopefulness from his tone. Nasir found it unimaginably endearing. 

“Perhaps we should...just in case,” Nasir winked. Even in the dim light the flashlight provided, he could see Agron’s blush, and it stirred something, deep in his chest. It was like a snake coiling around his organs, and he would have called it lust, but it was different. It was more of a desire to be as close to Agron as possible. Certainly, his lust was rising as well, but he feared what the act itself might do to his foot. He didn’t want their first time to be interrupted by his injury. 

Agron zipped the bags together as he did before, and they immediately entwined, each facing the other. Nasir’s injured foot was on top of the tangle of legs, unjostled thanks to Agron’s careful movement.

They just lay there for a time, breathing each other’s air, listening to the sounds of the night forest and feeling each other’s pulses, until eventually, sleep took them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason this feels like a really piecey chapter. I’m sorry T_T I’ve been trying to write this in between papers and Easter craziness, but here it is!   
> Thank you for sticking with me, each and every view and piece of correspondence means the world to me <3


	15. Coming Down

Agron woke as he did the morning before, with Nasir coiled in his arms. Having had a taste of it, he never wanted to wake up any other way. Again, he was awake before Nasir. 

They hadn’t dwelled on it at length last night, but Agron felt a sudden stab of sadness that this was their last night on this trip. He’d said he would stay, but honestly, Agron was hesitant to count on the dream that this would be happening again. He wasn’t sure if Nasir would enjoy a life of relative segregation from the world, and the horses were a definite compromise...yet, he found himself hoping. He didn’t care if it was fruitless, it was pleasant to think about.

“Hey,” he said simply, pressing his nose into the back of Nasir’s neck hidden behind his veil of dark hair. He loved Nasir’s unwashed scent, and yet he was curious to discover what kind of scents he used when he did bathe. He felt Nasir’s breath rise out of the easy pattern that was characteristic of sleep, and with it a sound of acknowledgement. 

“Want to see our last sunrise on the trail?” All he got in reply was a grumble of assent. Good enough. Loathe as he was to abandon their embrace, he wanted to attend the horse’s needs early so they could just pick up and be off. 

It had rained in the middle of the night, and this morning, overcast dominated the skyscape, though the drizzle had ceased. He had heard it pattering on the tent fabric, and it had woken him, but not Nasir. He’d been very careful not to wake him. Light slumber was a thing learned from his days in the army, and he’d never kicked the habit. Clouds always meant a more spectacular sunrise.

He was going to the corral when he noticed a print in the mud. He immediately identified it as bear, probably black, judging from the size. Worried, he scanned the herd for signs of injury or distress, but could find nothing that pointed to any kind of negative altercation. He’d have a closer look in the daylight. It was probably fine, since bears were generally peaceful creatures, and he hadn’t heard the horses screaming in the night. 

He looked toward where the tent was, and saw the light of a fire flicker to life. He smiled. Nasir was good at that, and getting better too. 

While the water was heating, he disassembled the tent and packed it away, not too concerned about its dampness, as he could just air it out when they got back to civilization. There was always a kind of freedom in the last day of a trip, because you no longer had to be concerned with keeping everything quite as orderly as it had started. 

He joined Nasir just when the water reached a boil. “I could get used to this. Just one less thing for me to do,” Agron said casually.

Nasir only smiled at him. “It promises to be a good one,” he commented, nodding his head to the east. 

“I believe you’re right.” 

No further words were needed. True to prediction, the sun cast its first rays over the low-hanging clouds, giving the sky an impression of being some kind of colossal oven. There were oranges, purples, pinks and silvers, shades that Agron would never tire of seeing. 

It was these kind of quiet moments that Agron savoured. He’d already offered to take Nasir to the hospital to get his ankle checked once they got back, and he wasn’t looking forward to being in the city again, even if it was only a town. He just didn’t like all the people and noise; it seemed to exasperate his anxiety. That was why Myra ended up doing most of the milk-runs. 

When the spectacle was finished, they let go of each other, and moved to complete their respective tasks. The other campers were already collected and moving on, which was their cue to embark on the final leg of the journey. It was mostly forest, and Agron either loved or hated this part, his feeling usually dependant on the weather. If it had been crappy for the entire thing, he loved this stretch, because it promised the comfort of a bed and warmth at the end. But this had been his best trip yet, and not just because of the weather. He never wanted it to end. 

The pack train was all outfitted, and Nasir had seen to the campsite. Before he knew it, they were mounted up and heading down the trail, leaving the silence of the valleys behind them.

\--------

Nasir was keenly aware of their departure. It meant he had to go back to the real world; to the world of cars and highways and jobs, and the thought nearly made him ill. Now that he had tasted what life outside the clockwork was like, he never wanted to go back. Agron at least knew for certain he would return. This was his job. It was just another Tuesday for him. 

Often, others had looked upon Nasir with envy for his sizable fortune, but now he was the one who felt envy for the easy life that Agron led. Sure, there were horses involved...but was he not sitting on one right now, completely at ease?

He’d fallen in love. And not just with Agron. The entire lifestyle that he lived, the sights he got to see every day...the beauty surrounding him had taken his heart by force. He’d been absorbed by Jack London books as a child, and in his English classes he’d had to study Thoreau, and now he could finally understand the reverent way that they spoke of the uninhabited places of the land. 

He’d even try to overcome his fears for it. 

“Agron?” he asked, willing himself the courage to carry through.

“Yes?”

“Do you think I could try ‘driving’?” He didn’t want to say riding, because he already was, so he used the only verb he deemed suitable. Agron’s head snapped around.

“You’re serious?” He looked so hopeful that it gave Nasir the needed bravery to act.

“Yeah. You’ll have to guide me, though,” he cautioned. A smile lit Agron’s face like the sun through breaking clouds. Next thing he knew, Agron was on the ground, helping Nasir forward into the seat of the saddle. Agron quickly jumped back on, taking the rear position.

“Now, the reins are how you steer and stop, so make sure you hold them tight.” Nasir grabbed them, clutching the leather strands until his knuckles blanched. He swallowed hard.

_It’s now or never,_ he thought.

“Your legs tell the horse to go, so try not to flap them around too much. Relax your legs,” Agron instructed, rubbing Nasir’s thigh in emphasis. The simple touch broke his anxiousness a little. “Now, to make him go forward, just give a gentle squeeze.” Nasir inched his calves closer to Spartan’s sides, ever so slowly, and once he made the barest of contacts, the gelding moved forward, the rest of the train in step behind them. Nasir flashed back to his first riding experience, and began to feel nervous again.

“Good! Now, Spartan knows how to turn whether you use the direct rein or neck-rein. I’ll teach you the direct rein, because it’s easier. So, to make him go left, just pull the left rein; and same for the right side. That’s it. See that rock up ahead? Go to the right around it.” Agron didn’t need the support, but he wrapped his arms around Nasir’s waist anyway. He gladly welcomed it. 

As they approached, Nasir pulled the right rein, very gently, and when the horse didn’t respond, a bit more firmly. He veered to the right, then fell in step with the direction of the trail.

“That’s all there is to it! Now, if for whatever reason you need to stop, pull back on both of the reins. Try it now, it won’t bug them any.” Nasir did, and Spartan stopped. There was no indication that he was going to do anything unpredictable, and Agron’s arms around him reassured him further. Now breathing as normal, he moved them forward. “Slicker than shit, eh?”

Nasir couldn’t stop himself from twisting his neck around to give Agron a questioning look.

“Uh, sorry. An expression I picked up from Myra,” he responded with a quick smile.

\------

Agron knew they were getting closer and closer to trail’s end. Myra would probably be back at the cabin already, debriefing her own guests and getting updates from Gerry about how things were with the rest of the herd. He was a good caretaker, but he was getting on in years, so the horses would probably need some exercise. Hopefully Myra could cover him so he could take Nasir to the hospital.

He sighed heavily, really wishing this could last forever. But nothing’s permanent, and so he settled for resting his chin on Nasir’s shoulder, leaning his head ever so slightly into the other man’s. 

Unceremoniously, there it was. The sign marking the end of the trail, and the parking lot filled with the cars of all the hikers. The straight edges of the vehicles were a stark contrast to the rough and ragged edges of the natural world that he’d become so accustomed to over the span of the week, and the familiar feeling of coming down off of his “nature-high” set in. 

“If you wanna hang tough and stick with me until we get back to the cabin, I’ll take you back to your car here when we come back from the hospital.” Nasir simply nodded. “But first, we have to wait for the rest of the crew.”

The other hikers soon emerged from the trail, and Agron had already organized their things into their respective piles so it would be easy for them to grab.

“Ok, folks! Looks like that’s a wrap,” Agron said in his public-speaking voice. “I hope you’ve enjoyed yourselves, and maybe we’ll see you again in the future.” The four of them came up and shook his hand and thanked him individually, but Bev stopped to talk to Nasir. She exchanged a few words with him, and gripped his knee in farewell. He blushed at her parting words, and Agron wondered what she could have said. She was approaching him now.

“Thank you, Agron, it’s been a pleasure. You take good care of Nasir now, you hear?” she added with a knowing smile. Agron could guess what she told Nasir, and suddenly he himself began to flush. He waited until they all drove away, idly stroking Spartan’s shoulder. After the last departing wave, he mounted back up. 

“What did she say to you?” Agron asked, after giving Nasir a few pointers and they were on their way. 

“She said we uh...make a good pair. Maybe we weren’t as subtle as we thought.” Agron leaned forward to kiss his cheek. 

“Who cares?” he grinned. Nasir leaned his weight back into Agron in reply.

The trail back home was relatively featureless, and the occasional hum of a car interrupted the silence that had dominated the past week. 

“I never realized how intrusive road noise was,” Nasir complained quietly. His eyes were trained in front of him, obviously still nervous about riding. However, he directed Spartan like a champ, and Agron would have never guessed that Nasir was afraid of horses if he saw him for the first time now. His heart swelled with pride. 

Before long, the cabin was in sight. There was an odd cast of light on the trees around the driveway, and it didn’t take Agron long to figure out what the source was.

“Nasir, speed up,” he instructed, voice giving no room for debate. Nasir tensed.

“But Agron-”

“Please, just to a trot.” He softened his voice some, in concern for Nasir. “I’m here, I’ll help you. I’m going to speed him up now, ok?” Nasir nodded. He nudged Spartan with his heels, and the horse moved into an easy trot. His mind was aflame with worry, but he did take notice that Nasir was rigid, and yet didn’t panic. 

When they reached the end of the trail, Agron’s worst fears were confirmed. The swirling lights of an ambulance pierced the veiled light, and his eyes searched for whom it was here for. 

“MYRA!” he shouted.

“Agron! In here!” came Myra’s voice. So she was alright. He breathed again.

He practically launched off the horse, turning to help Nasir down swiftly, yet gently.

“Go. I’ll be fine,” Nasir said. Agron nodded in thanks, then dashed to the barn where Myra’s voice had come from. 

When he got there, he saw that it wasn’t Myra, but Gerry, being loaded onto a stretcher. He was unconscious. Myra met his eyes, with tears in her own. He knelt beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder reassuringly. 

“What happened?” he asked gently. He could feel his heart drop into his stomach, but Myra didn't need him freaking out right now. She needed a kind word and a gentle touch.

“They say he had a stroke...it can’t have been long ago, because there’s food in all the stalls…I found him like this when I got back,” she sniffed. “If I’d only gone faster, come back sooner-”

“Myra. Listen. There’s nothing you could have done. These things just...happen. Gerry’s tough, I’m sure he’ll be alright,” Agron assured her, with more confidence than he felt. Gerry was an older guy, and there are some strokes that people don’t recover from. Nonetheless, Myra nodded, wiping her eyes.

“Yeah. Uh, ok. I’ll go with him to the hospital,” she said, moving to follow the paramedics as they rolled the stretcher back to the ambulance. 

“Actually...I can go. I have to go anyway. One of my people rolled his ankle, and I said I’d take him,” Agron explained, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “That is, if you don’t mind,” he added, meeting her gaze. 

“Sure. Call me as SOON as you get an update, understand?” she commanded. 

“Yes, ma’am,” he answered.

“And who was it?”

“Huh?”

“That sprained their ankle?”

“Oh! Uh, it was Nasir.” He looked away, and turned to follow Gerry. When he stepped outside, he saw Nasir actually petting Spartan on his forehead, holding onto the breastplate for support as he teetered on his one good foot. The sight surprised him so much that he stopped in his tracks, and despite Gerry being loaded into the ambulance, he smiled. He was almost sad that he had to break the spell.

“Alright, Myra’s agreed to stay here while I take you to the hospital,” Agron said, causing Nasir to turn and face him.

“What’s going on?” 

“It looks like Gerry had a stroke, they’re taking him in the ambulance. Come on, we’ll take my car. I’ll explain more on the way there,” Agron explained hastily. “Can you lead the horses to Myra? She should be in the barn. Sorry, I’ve just got to grab my keys.”

“Yeah, no problem.” He took the reins in one hand, and awkwardly hobbled towards the barn while Agron ran to the house.

\-------

Nasir found Myra sweeping out a stall, and timidly knocked on the large wooden door. She looked up, leaning her weight on the broom. 

“Hi, um. Here are the horses, Agron said to bring them to you.” She smiled at him, though it was restrained by anxiousness. 

“You must be Nasir. How’s your foot doing?” she asked.

“A lot better than it was a few days ago. It happened in the middle of the trail, so I’ve been riding double with Agron since then.” She stepped forward to take the reins from him, and he handed them over. 

“Lucky you,” she joked. Nasir smiled in good humour.

“Nasir, you ready?” Agron asked from behind him. 

“Yeah, let’s go,” Nasir answered, turning away from Myra and toward Agron. His shoulders were tense, and he looked eager to be gone. He offered Nasir his arm, and he took it, if only minimize the amount of hobbling he’d have to be doing. He still had some dignity to preserve. 

It was a challenge getting into the high-axled pickup, but Nasir managed by using the various handholds on the open door and in the cab. Of course, Agron hovered just behind to catch him if he fell.

“I’m fine,” he asserted. Without sparing a word, Agron jumped into the driver’s seat and skillfully maneuvered out of the narrow driveway.

“Which is the nearest town?” Nasir asked

“Williams Lake.” Agron was holding the steering wheel firmly, so much so that his knuckles were white. Nasir wasn’t sure what to say. He didn’t know if Agron would prefer to talk about it or stay quiet. 

The way Gerry had talked about him and Myra, Nasir assumed that he’d been a friend for a long time. And from what Nasir knew of Agron so far, its that his friends were of the utmost importance to him. After a few kilometers of deliberation, Nasir settled for putting a hand on his knee.

“Hey, I’m sure he’ll be ok.” He spoke softly. Agron flashed him a look of worry, but began nodding slowly. “Do you want to talk?” Nasir offered.

“It’s just...I can’t lose anyone else, Nasir. I can’t.” He took a deep, shuddering breath, wringing his hands on the steering wheel. Nasir’s heart broke for him. He looked so vulnerable, and so scared...though he had been there for his panic attack, this was a different kind of fear. Not that of mortal danger, but that of loss. 

He leaned over, putting his head on the big shoulder. Agron took the hand that was on his knee. 

“You’re not going to lose him. It’ll be fine, Agron.”

Agron just squeezed his hand tighter. There was no way he could leave him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for yet another slow update :( Research papers kind of ate my time...but I’m back!  
> And they’re back into civilization! Though what awaits them isn’t too thrilling...sorry Gerry, I planned this from the start.  
> Thank you all so very much, this story has garnered more attention than I ever thought my writing was worth <3


	16. Chapter 16

By the time Nasir arrived at the hospital with Agron, Gerry had long since been admitted. He checked himself into in the non-immediate part of the ER, as Agron apologized and went to check on his friend. He didn’t honestly wish to be alone right now, but he’d never think of being so selfish as to request that Agron stay with him. 

After a week in the woods, the glaring white walls and antiseptic scent of the hospital was a rude awakening. He was sure that the only reason he was sitting at least one seat away from everyone else was because of his smell. He’d suddenly become keenly self-conscious that he hadn’t showered in over a week.

He wasn’t waiting long before Agron came back, and Nasir had to frown slightly at his demeanour. He was more tense than he’d ever seen him, and though he wondered why, he knew this was not the time to ask about it. Agron took a seat beside him, either not noticing or ignoring the grimace on the woman’s face that was in the seat next to him. Yeah, they both must really stink.

“So what’s the situation?” Nasir asked.

“Well, they said the stroke wasn’t massive, but it was no small thing either. He’s in the ICU, but he’s stable. They’ll be keeping him indefinitely…” He ran his hands down his dirt-splotched face, leaning forward to brace his elbows on his knees. Nasir swung an arm around his shoulders.

“But he’s alright, for now. Dwell on that, not what might be.” Agron looked up, and offered him a small smile. Nasir had to restrain himself to keep from kissing him. He had never been one for public shows of affection, but he was finding it very hard to keep his impulses in check around Agron. 

“Nasir?” called a voiced from the reception desk. The ‘s’ was more like a hiss in the way she pronounced it. He much preferred the way Agron said it, turning the s sound more into a ‘z’, as it was supposed to be said. 

Agron helped him up. “Is it alright if I go in with him?” he asked the nurse who came to greet them.

“I don’t see why not,” she said with a smile. She led them to a small room with only one bed in it, and told them to wait for the doctor. Despite the diminutive size of the room, Agron still found enough space to pace around. If he wasn’t so concerned, Nasir might have found it comical, seeing such a large man in such a small room try to get more than 4 paces out of it.

“What’s wrong?” Nasir asked, finally.

“I just...hate hospitals. I’m ok.” He didn’t stop. Nasir decided he’d broach the topic again when Agron was more comfortable. 

It wasn’t much longer before the doctor came in. At this point, Agron was forced to take a seat in the extra chair to allow the doctor room to maneuver. 

“Hello, I’m doctor Martin,” said the man that came in, hand extended to Nasir. He was a portly, older man with graying dark hair. His eyes were somewhere between hazel and gray, and he had a pair of glasses dangling from his neck. “So, I heard you twisted an ankle?”

“Yes, while hiking.” A rhythmic thumping resounded in the room, coming from Agron’s leg fidgeting against the chair. 

“Mind if I take a look?” he asked, hands poised to unwrap the tensor bandage.

“Not at all,” Nasir answered. As he took it off, the doctor raised his eyebrows. 

“This is a good wrapping job,” he commented.

“It was all Agron.” The doctor looked toward him, nodding his approval. Agron hadn’t noticed, as he was distantly looking out the small window through the slats of the blinds. As soon as the foot was bare, Dr. Martin ran his hands around it, testing to see if there were any immediately noticeable tendons or bones sticking out anywhere. Finding nothing, he then began moving it in all ways the joint would allow.

“Tell me if it hurts,” he said. He moved it to the left, and then right, and up and down. All ranges of motion were fine, except for when he turned it toward the inside.

“Ah!” Nasir gasped. 

“Well, it seems like you got off pretty lucky. Nothing’s broken and nothing’s out of place, so far as I can tell, and so you should be fine in about a week. If you keep it wrapped and stay off it until then, you should be walking as normal again. I’ll have them fit you with a pair of crutches. Sound good?” 

“Yes. Thank you, doctor,” Nasir said, shaking his hand again before he left the room. 

“Take care now,” he said before closing the door. Nasir looked over to Agron. He was still looking out the window and fidgeting his leg.

“Agron?”

“Hm?”

“We can go now.” Nasir got down from the table.

“Ah. Right. Let me call Myra first, update her on Gerry.” 

\------

Agron loathed anything to do with hospitals. He hated the glaring lights, the smell of piss and hand sanitizer, and he disliked the false smiles that everyone wore. He was probably walking too fast for Nasir, especially since he wasn’t used to moving with crutches, but he was eager to be gone. He reached a pay-phone, inserted the right amount of change, and dialed home. It only rang for half a time before Myra picked up.

“How is he?” came her anxious voice.

“He didn’t have a really major stroke, so that’s the good news. The bad news is that he’s in the ICU, and they don’t know when he’ll be released again. He hasn’t been awake yet, but he is stable.” He heard her sigh.

“I guess that means we may have to shut down operations for a while, unless we can find a replacement. And I have no idea where we’d find someone new...I guess it’s lucky we don’t have another booking until 3 weeks from now. Did they call his family?” Myra asked. She was clearly stressed out. Agron noticed she tended to talk about what to do next when faced with a stressful situation, and he supposed it was her coping mechanism. 

“They did, and his son said he’d come as soon as possible,” Agron answered.

“His son? You mean Lucas? He’s been gone since...forever. Didn’t he leave to chase the big oil dream in Alberta?”

Agron hoped he could keep the scowl out of his voice. There’d been a couple of months where he’d worked on the rigs as a teenager, and the memory was vividly unpleasant. “He did. But, if your dad has a stroke, I guess that’s reason enough to come crawling back.”

“Hey, be nice,” Myra chided. “It’s good money up there, and a lot of people fall prey to that. Gerry is his father.”

“I’ll make an effort,” he ground out. It wasn’t only his leaving that caused Agron to dislike Lucas. He’d been an arrogant little shit for the two summers he’d worked at the barn, and Agron had never gotten along with him very well.

“It could be some time before Lucas gets there, so I’ll go and stay with him. You come on back,” she stated.

“No arguments here. Hey, Myra?” he asked tentatively. He wasn’t sure how she’d react to his request.

“Yes?”

“Do you think Nasir could stick around for a bit?” Her answering giggle really caught him off guard. He blinked in confusion.

“Agron, you sound like a teenage boy asking if his friend can stay the night. It’s your place too, and we never have company. Of course!”

“I mean, he’d earn his keep, I can teach him a thing or two about the horses-”

“Agron. You’re fine. It’s a yes,” she affirmed. 

“Thanks.” Neither of them were good with awkward goodbyes, so they both hung up there. Agron turned back to Nasir.

“Well, that’s a resounding yes. We’ll be short-handed, so I might need you to do some things while you’re with us, if that’s ok,” Agron proposed.

“I didn’t expect to just freeload off your hospitality. I might be hobbled for now, but I can still help.”

“Oh, I know. You don’t seem like the type to be hindered by much of anything.” Agron started walking with a purpose towards the door. He had to rein himself back to keep from easily outpacing Nasir.

He loaded the crutches in the truck bed before helping Nasir in, seeing as there was no room for any more than three people in the cab, there was certainly none to spare for crutches. It was an older truck, but a few things had been re-done, like the stereo system and paint.

He was beyond glad to finally be away from the hospital’s vicinity. He must have visibly relaxed, because Nasir asked, “So, why do you dislike hospitals?”

He prickled a little bit, and knew that Nasir was only asking out of curiosity, but this went back to his childhood, and the very earliest of his traumas. 

“Again, if I’m asking too much, you can tell me to fuck off. I’d understand....I’m sorry, I have no idea why I’m so nosy about you, it was a bad question. Forget it.” Nasir didn’t sound disappointed, but Agron knew he was kicking himself.

“I know...but it goes back to something I’ve never really talked about, and I just...can't. Not right now.” He was never one to beat around the bush, and he liked to say exactly what he meant. He stared resolutely at the road illuminated by the headlights.

“That’s completely fine,” Nasir answered, tone gentle. He’d tell him eventually, but too much crap was happening, and he didn’t want to risk another breakdown. He was reasonably sure he’d be ok, but he’d rather not badger the hole. “Hey, whose is this?” 

Agron looked over to see him holding his iPod. “Uh, it’s mine.” He quickly thought to what was on there, and after concluding that he had no overly embarrassing things on it, he allowed Nasir to flick through it. It was a simple, black 4th generation nano, and though he didn’t use it overly much, he was glad to have it.

“Yours? Mister ‘courier de bois’?” Nasir snickered. “Hey, I’d never have taken you for a metal fan,” he commented, browsing the array of music on it.

“It relaxes me,” Agron answered with a shrug. 

“Relaxing? If you say so...it seems a curious choice for someone who seems to like the quiet.”

“I take it you’re not a rock’n roll kind of guy?”

“Not usually. I like my electronica music, and some folk stuff. I don’t know, my tastes are all over the place.” Suddenly Nasir looked up, giving Agron a very clear side-eye.

“What?” Agron felt himself blanch, eyes darting from the road to his passenger and back again. He hadn’t thought there was anything incriminating on there…

“Cher? Really?” Nasir raised his eyebrow, barely stifling a giggle. At once, Agron knew the song.

“Shut up. It’s a sentimental thing…” he said defensively.

“An old flame, perhaps?” Nasir bounced his eyebrows, bringing his face closer to Agron’s.

“Get outta here,” he said, pushing Nasir’s head away. “Duro and I were at a dance once, back in high school. That song was playing. I dunno, it just brings me back to simpler days.” Nasir laughed, but not unkindly.

“I guess I have some pretty weird stuff as well. I confess, I have a thing for Daft Punk,” Nasir conceded.

“Oh, that’s not even weird. Come on. What’s the weirdest song you’ve ever bought or downloaded?” 

“Well…” Nasir said slowly, obviously wanting to dodge the question.

“Spit it out. You’ve got my entire library right there, I’ve got nothing to hide.” Agron poked his shoulder, smirking. “Come oooonnn.”

“Fine! itspokerfaceok,” he muttered.

“Hm? Sorry?” Agron teased.

“Poker Face!” Nasir proclaimed irritably. Agron didn’t laugh, but looked over at Nasir with a half-smile.

“Hey, no judgement here. Music is music, man,” Agron shrugged. Nasir pulled one eyebrow into a frown.

“That’s usually the last thing you hear from a metalhead.”

“What can I say? If you enjoy it, who the hell cares? Music isn’t an exclusive club, it’s art, and art is subjective.” Nasir was quiet for minute.

“You’re a strange man, Agron.”

“In a good way?” he asked.

“In the best way,” Nasir answered. Agron smiled over at him.

Before they knew it, they were back home.

\----------

Nasir was having trouble navigating with his new crutches. He’d never had to use them before, and so didn’t have the benefit of prior knowledge. 

Agron stayed close to him out of concern, but he didn’t give the impression of hovering. Nasir thought it was sweet, and some part of him appreciated the concern.

They went into the house, and found Myra preparing a sandwich with a towel around her hair.

“Hey, Agron,” she greeted without turning around.

“Hey, Myra.The truck should have plenty of gas, whenever you want to go,” he answered. She finally turned around, and saw Nasir standing beside Agron. 

“Ah, hey Nasir! I heard you’ll be staying for a while?” She sounded friendly, and not at all reserved.

“Yes, that’s the plan. I know I’ll be no substitute, but I can fill in for some of Gerry's duties if need be,” he offered. Her eyes flicked to the arm Agron had placed around his shoulders. His face burned, but she still bore the same kindly smile.

“Our home is yours. I trust Agron will set you up,” she winked, and having finished her sandwich, went upstairs.

“She really doesn’t mind,” Nasir mused to Agron quietly.

“Told ya. Why don’t you shower first so I can set up the bed?” Agron stroked his hair once, then busied himself with finding sheets and coverings for the bed in the living room. “It’s upstairs on the right.” 

Nasir didn’t really want to do anything but sleep right now, since it was nearly 11 pm, but he knew he’d feel better after a shower. He was fine with being a bit dirty, but a week’s worth of grime was quite enough.

The ascent of the stairs was an ordeal, and he managed to do it quietly enough that he didn’t catch Agron’s notice, who was rummaging in some cupboards for extra pillowcases. He braced himself with the crutches, then hopped up each step, one by one. The bathroom was easy to identify, and he shut the door and began undressing. He realized he’d have to take the bandage off his foot, and that he’d have to ask Agron to re-wrap it. He didn’t want to be so dependant, and the thought made him frown. But, he'd deal with it. It was better than being alone in his own place. He looked behind the shower curtain into the bath, and fiddled with the tap until he found his ideal balance between hot and cold water. He was feeling chilled, sitting on the edge of the tub with nothing on but his necklace (that he never took off), and so he made the water a bit warmer.

He used the soap-holder to sturdy himself on the slippery bathtub bottom, and as soon as the water hit his hair, he nearly melted down the drain with it. It felt indescribably good to get the grit he hadn’t even noticed off of him, and he shook his head slightly in the sheer pleasure of the moment, letting the fingers of the water rake through his hair.

It took him two rounds of shampoo to get his hair satisfactorily clean, and he had to steal a daub of Myra’s conditioner to finish his normal process. There was no men’s conditioner around, and Nasir assumed it was because Agron had short hair. His long hair was a nightmare if he didn't get some conditioner into it, and he only felt a small amount of shame for using “women’s” conditioner. He was clean, and that’s what mattered.

He realized that he neglected to bring clean clothes in with him. He really didn’t want to put on the dirty ones again, but how was he going to get a new set of clothes otherwise? He wasn’t about to traipse around the small house in a towel. Yes, he and Agron had cuddled a few times, but Nasir still had a sense of modesty. They weren’t at the "wear a towel around your house" phase yet.

A knock on the door. Nasir jumped.

“Hey, Nasir? I left your bag just outside the door here. I don’t know if you have any clean clothes left, but you can use our washer when you want.”

God bless Agron. Nasir breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he called through the door.

“I also made dinner for when you get out. Sorry I didn’t wait, but I was really hungry,” he added.

“That’s fine. Be right out!” He cracked the door open, scanning for any onlookers, and then pulled his bag into the bathroom. He didn’t have any clean clothes left, but the night-clothes were the cleanest of the bunch, so he put those on. All of it smelled of woodsmoke, and he smiled. He’d always loved that smell. He brushed his hair through once, and then removed all the his things from the bathroom.

“It’s all yours,” he called down the stairs to Agron. Hopping down the stairs was much easier than going up, and he made it down in good time. Agron was flat on his back on the newly-converted couch-bed hybrid, an arm slung across his eyes. His breathing rate told Nasir that he’d drifted off, as well as the barely audible snore coming from his half-open mouth. As much as he wished to let him sleep, he shook his shoulder gently. “Shower?” Nasir said, once his eyes fluttered open.

“Mhmmm,” Agron grumbled. He blinked a few times, but then slowly made his way to the bathroom. Nasir found a cooked frozen pizza in the kitchen, with a third missing. He dug in eagerly, relishing the grease in it, after so many days of dehydrated rice and pasta dinners with some mix of vegetables. He was usually more conscious about what he ate, but damn it, this was _good._   
He also surprised himself by eating a third of it. He hadn’t realized he was that hungry.

Once he finished, he hopped back to the waiting bed, and collapsed onto it. He groggily tugged the blankets over himself, and sleep found him with extraordinary ease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to make it known that I’ve never been admitted to the hospital for anything before, so anything I describe is from speculation and experiences of relatives being in the hospital. I have no idea what the procedure is for a sprained ankle, but it’s not super serious, so he wouldn’t need a cast...right?  
> Anyway, thanks a million <3 You guys are the best!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You don't have to be a soldier to fight,  
> But you'd better have a killer in ya  
> You don't have to be a poet to die,  
> It's the little things that kill you."  
> ~Electric City, Firewater

Nasir woke the next morning to find the sun peeking through the shutters of the window. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up, and realized that someone had wrapped his foot again, in a clean bandage.

He got up, deciding not to use his crutches to hop five steps, and saw Agron in the kitchen, cooking eggs in nothing but his boxers. Nasir’s face must have been similar to the colour used on fire trucks, and yet, he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

He was very quiet. He’d never seen Agron’s bare skin in anything but a glancing flashlight beam in a tent, and it was only now that he had the chance to properly look.

His back muscles were all well-defined, and yet not bulging, tapering down to his waist like some renaissance figure. As to what was beneath the boxers, Nasir could only use his imagination. His legs were strong, like the rest of him, no doubt a result from working with horses for 6 years. He was a work of art, and had the most pleasing form Nasir could remember seeing on anybody. His eyes were drawn to a knotted scar on Agron’s left shoulder, which arched down his side and over the shoulder, which probably continued to the front. His back was flecked with other smaller scars, and Nasir speculated that it must have been a result of his time in Afghanistan. 

Agron turned, and Nasir was suddenly conscious of how he must look right now. He was clutching the wall, peering around it, like some kind of peeping tom!

“Sorry!” he yelped, moving back towards the living room. Agron appeared around the corner holding the frying pan, not appearing to be at all shy about his state of undress. He chuckled.

“It’s totally fine. Are eggs ok? I have some bacon too, if you like,” he offered, raising an eyebrow.

“Uh...I ah..I mean...yes! Yes that’s fine,” Nasir stammered back.   
_Oh, kill me now._

Agron’s satisfied smirk didn’t do anything to lessen the scarlet hue on Nasir’s face. He disappeared back into the kitchen.  
 _He totally knows what he’s doing, the little shit!_

Nasir timidly re-entered the small room, and took a seat at the small round table, pointedly looking at the grain of the wood, the colour of the linoleum floor...anything but Agron. He felt lips press to the side of his head, and heard Agron take the seat beside him.

“You’re adorable when you’re flustered,” he said with a breath of laughter. “It’s ok, you can look. I’ve bared other scars to you before.” Was this really the man that had been stealing glances at him on the hiking trail not 6 days ago?

Nasir slowly looked up. He had been right. The scar on his shoulder extended to the front, and knotted down his pectoral muscle, reaching his heart region. It must have been a deep wound. Like his back, there were a series of smaller scars flecking his otherwise even skin. Nasir’s eyes traced all the lines, from his beautifully put together clavicle region to his comparably narrow waist, then finally met Agron’s gaze. There was insecurity in the depths of it, though his actions contradicted the emotion. He was really making himself vulnerable here, he realized, and suddenly Nasir felt honoured.

“Afghanistan. Happened when I got blown up…” he looked away, and Nasir reached for his hand. Agron gave him a smile, though not as bright as before. 

“What can I say? If my face hasn’t betrayed me yet, I think you’re gorgeous…”

Agron’s eyes shone. The insecurity vanished, and nothing was left but tenderness. Nasir wondered at how a man with such an imposing stature and build could be so gentle. Of course, you had to have a stoicness inside you to be a soldier, but the man before him now showed no traces of the hardened veteran. Aside from the scars, of course.

The toaster popped. This snapped them out of the spell, and Agron got up to retrieve their breakfasts. He set a plate in front of Nasir, and resumed his seat. There was no ambient noise like there was in the woods, and the sun was already up, and so they sat there in silence, though not focused on anything. It was only mildly awkward, but maybe that’s only because Agron was in naught but his underwear. Nasir did his utmost to resist the temptation to make an excuse to look under the table.

Both of them were hungry, and so it didn’t take them long to finish. Agron got up, putting both their plates in the sink. “I’m gonna go get dressed, and then I’ll give you a tour of the facilities, ok?”

“Sure thing,” Nasir answered. He’d use the time to get dressed himself.

\--------

Agron’s heart was absolutely pounding by the time he reached his room. He had been so nervous about Nasir seeing the extent of his scarring, and he hadn’t allowed many people to see him like that. He wore t-shirts as often as possible, and when it got too hot, he usually just suffered through it. It was easier than the questions the scars drew. Myra had seen them once or twice, but he’d never allowed her to look at them in detail. It was his biggest physical insecurity.

And Nasir had been so respectful, and understanding...he was also cute as all hell. Agron had had to hold back a verbal “awwww” when he saw him peeking around the corner, blushing crimson. 

The truth was, he had expected Nasir to sleep a lot longer than he had. He’d been planning to whip up breakfast and maybe make some headway on a few chores before his guest got up, but Nasir woke sooner than anticipated. He truly hadn’t meant for breakfast to turn into a “check me out” session, but it had happened, and Agron found that he wasn’t sorry.

He hastily pulled out a fresh pair of jeans and a simple grey shirt, then shuffled into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he got downstairs, he found Nasir by the door, with his crutches at the ready. He was wearing a blue v-neck that did things to his slim build that should by all rights be illegal, with a dark blue pair of jeans. Agron stopped for a moment to take in the sight. Nasir tucked his hair behind his ear, even though it was in a low ponytail and already out of his face. Agron had learned that this was a tell that he was nervous.

“Ready?” Agron asked.

“Lead the way,” Nasir replied, gesturing toward the door with his crutch. 

As they walked through the yard, Agron allowed time for Nasir to take in the place in the daylight. He’d only ever seen it in the dark, and it really was quite pretty. The trees were all over 100 years old, and provided more than enough shade for the area. He decided the first stop would be the barn, and besides, he had to let the horses out into the paddock. 

As he opened the door, he was greeted with several nickers. He looked over at Nasir, who seemed to be alright. He was looking around nervously, but he kept his cool. 

“Good morning, all!” Agron greeted back. The barn hallway lead directly into the paddock enclosure, so this way all he had to do was open the stall doors and they’d be turned out. He opened the door at the other end, causing some horses to start pawing at the doors. “Stand over here, just inside this empty stall. They’re usually pretty good, but you’ll be out of the way there.”

One by one, he opened the stall doors. First was Spartan, who set out toward the light at a brisk trot. Moving down the row, he almost forgot the last stall, and realized that it was because the horse inside wasn’t standing. He looked through the door’s opening, and his heart sank. “Oh, gods…”

Inside was Tsar, one of the oldest members of the herd. He’d been there way before Agron had started his job, and even before Myra had started. He was a sweet old chestnut quarter horse cross, and the fact that he was splayed out on his side was ominous. 

He quickly opened the door, and that didn’t cause the gelding to stir. Agron was now really worried. He knelt down beside him, feeling for his heart rate and prodding his stomach. It felt rock solid, and Agron looked around for manure in the stall, but didn’t find any. He put his ear to the horse’s bowel region, and listened intently.

“Agron, what-”

“Shh! I need to listen,” he said hastily. There was no noise. He stood up abruptly, and snatched the halter from the stall door. He slipped it over Tsar’s nose, who was groaning softly. He pulled on the lead rope, trying to coax the horse to his feet. “Come on bud, you gotta get up. Please, do this for me,” Agron said quietly. He pulled and pulled, and finally, the horse kicked out in an attempt to get to his feet. He rocked once...twice...three times, and finally gained enough momentum to get up. He took two steps before bowing, and before Agron could do anything, he was back down.

“Oh, shit...he’s colicking. Uh, stay here with him, I need to call the vet,” Agron told Nasir.

“Sure,” said the other man in confusion.

He sprinted back inside, and looked up the number for the vet. He flipped through the pages of the address book, becoming more and more agitated. “Come on, where the fuck is it?!” On the last page, he found it. He stabbed in the numbers, and held the phone to his ear. He only had to wait two rings.

“Hallo, this is Dr. Taylor,” came a familiar voice.

“Al, it’s me. It’s Tsar, he colicking bad. I got him up briefly, but he’s probably been down all night, and there’s no crap in his stall. He’s solid as a rock, too,” Agron blurted.

“Oh, lord...sit tight, I’ll be right over.” He hung up. Agron raced back to the barn.

“Has he moved?” he asked Nasir.

“No, but he keeps groaning...Agron, what’s wrong with him?” Agron knelt beside the horse, stroking his neck and bringing his forehead to the massive cheekbone.

“He’s colicking. It’s basically a horse stomach-ache...the trouble is, horses can’t vomit, and so if something gets them really stopped up, it’s bad. Judging from how solid his abdomen is, I’d say a gut’s twisted somewhere. This...it might be the end for him…” Agron could barely choke the words out before tears fell from his eyes.

“What?! Just from a...a gut-ache?” Nasir gaped.

“It’s that easy...plenty of horses die from it, all the time. Nobody really fully understands how the horse’s digestive system works, and so most of the time, nothing can be done…” He sniffed, and felt steady hands on his back. How much more was this shit week going to throw at him? “It might be a while before Al can get here…” Agron felt Nasir get down beside him, awkwardly lowering himself to sit beside him.

“I’m sorry Agron...truly, I am,” Nasir spoke softly. Between Nasir’s touch and his soft words, Agron couldn’t control it anymore. He broke down into full sobs, continuing to stroke Tsar’s mane and neck.

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, and it seemed like moments later that he heard tires crunching on the gravel outside. He wiped his eyes, and stood up to go and greet the vet. Numbly, he helped Nasir up.

Al got out, reaching to retrieve his box of supplies from the seat beside him, then made his way to the barn.

“Where is he?” he asked. Agron didn’t trust himself to speak, and so simply beckoned in the direction of the stall.

Tsar hadn’t moved at all. He was still on his side, groaning, and weakly pawing at the air. Agron noted the look of resignation on the vet’s face, and even before the inspection, he knew the horse was done. But, to follow procedure, Al still checked his vitals and felt his stomach, in the same way Agron had. He got up, brushed the shavings from his pants, and shook his head.

“I hate to say it, Agron...but I think he’s had it. Do you want me to proceed?”

“It’s alright, Al. I knew it was coming,” he managed. “...go ahead,” Agron permitted, taking a deep breath. Al nodded slowly, then opened his box. He pulled out a syringe and a small vial, and as he drew the serum from the small glass bottle, Agron felt himself break a little bit.

Tsar had been a good friend, and he’d been one of the pillars of the herd. He was always steadfast, and rarely gave any kind of problem. He didn’t reach for Nasir, because he knew that if he was touched right now, he’d completely lose it. There would be time for that, but it was not now.

“Alright, big guy...it’s over. You can go, now,” Agron said, crouching down and stroking the gelding’s face. Silent tears slipped from his eyes, and yet, he could see no sadness in Tsar’s. He could see pain, but Agron could swear that he realized what was happening. He knew. It was time. “Thank you, for everything...I’ll miss you,” he cooed. He gave a short nod, and Al inserted the needle in the horse’s neck with practiced precision. Tsar flinched only slightly, and soon, his eyes began to fade. A great, shuddering breath...and then, it stopped.

Agron stayed down, touching his forehead to Tsar’s. He couldn’t believe that this had all happened this morning. It seemed a thousand years ago that he was making breakfast for himself and Nasir, sharing an intimate moment in the kitchen...   
Remembering that he wasn’t alone, he looked to the smaller man. There were tears streaking down his own cheeks, his face cast in sorrow.

“Do you want me to take him now?” Al asked. Agron looked at him.

“Might as well...I’ll give you a hand.” Horses weren’t as easy as dogs to take care of after death. The body had to be hauled away. 

He tried not to think about how the old horse’s skin was getting colder and colder as he helped haul him out of the stall, which wasn’t very far. It took a monumental effort between the two men, and once they had wrestled him out, Al’s truck did the rest of the work. He had a rig in his heavy-duty pickup to transport the remains of livestock and horses.

Agron watch Tsar’s limp frame come to rest in the bed of the truck, watching with a steely expression. First Gerry, and now this. He hadn’t had this bad a week in a long time. Nasir came up behind him, and put a hand on his arm. Agron shied away. He couldn’t be touched right now, or he knew he would shatter. He prayed Nasir would understand, not risking a glance over at him.

“I hate to slap you with this, Agron...get to it when you can. I’m really sorry. For what it’s worth, Tsar had a good run. Not many horses live that long, and even less with such a great quality of life. I docked the cost where I could,” Al said, handing him a sheet of paper after it was all done.

“Thanks…” was all Agron managed. Al patted him once on the shoulder, then climbed into his truck and left. Without quite realizing what he was doing, Agron made his way towards the cabin. It felt like he was being moved by a puppeteer's strings. Somehow, he ended up on the steps of it with his head in his hands.

Nasir sat beside him, and Agron knew he was looking at him, and edging closer. Slowly, cautiously, Nasir wrapped one arm around him, and gave a light squeeze.

And Agron fell apart.

\-------

It was all Nasir could do to hold the shaking form of the man beside him. Agron was sobbing inconsolably, and Nasir’s own cheeks were stained by tears. He’d never watched anything die before, and seeing the horse just...go really had affected him. He couldn’t get the image of the animal going permanently still out of his mind. That last, wheezing breath...and yet, there was peace as well. From what the vet had said, Tsar had been pretty old.

As Agron’s sobs began to subside, he leaned more and more into Nasir. Soon, his head was in Nasir’s lap, and he ran his hands over the short, spiky hair.

“It’s alright, Agron...there was nothing to be done. He had a long life, and from what I’ve seen of how you take care of the horses, he never wanted for love or care,” Nasir said, sniffling a bit. Nasir leaned over Agron’s form, trying to envelop as much of him as possible. The position was a bit awkward, but neither of them cared, each needing the other's touch.

It wasn’t long before a familiar truck rolled into the driveway. Myra stepped out, and greeted, “Hey guys! So, it looks like Gerry’s gonna be...hey, what’s up?” she asked, face lighting with concern as she took in the expressions on their faces. 

Agron hastily pulled himself upright, and walked over to Myra, putting his hands on her shoulders. She looked scared.

“It’s Tsar...he’s dead. Colicked, must have been sometime last night…” A hand slapped to Myra’s mouth. She looked stricken.

“No...oh god, no…” she murmured as tears escaped her eyes. Her legs seemed to crumple, and Agron was right there with her, both sinking to the ground in unison. He wrapped her in a massive hug, and held her as she sobbed.

It didn’t occur to Nasir to feel left out. Tsar had been, obviously, a key part of the herd with quite a bit of sentimental value to both of them, and so he left them to share their grief alone, silently watching and crying along with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like a dink. First Gerry, now I slap them with this...sorry guys, but it’s all in the name of a bigger plot! Yes, colic can take a horse down in less than 5 hours. Even if they’re relatively young. It’s a very common end for a horse, and it’s very painful for them in most cases, so usually the decision is made to put them out of their misery, depending on how severe it is. Rarely, surgery can be performed to rectify it, but the cost and trouble of putting a horse through surgery usually isn't a viable option. And when they're old, it's hard to justify putting them through so much pain for just a few more years.
> 
> Tsar is based off of a kind old soul at my own barn who died last winter. His name was Czar, and he was 42 years old, which for a horse is ancient. I was there when they put him down...it’s not a thing easily forgotten. But it was very peaceful, and he was trying to comfort all of us around him...it was the first time I’d ever seen anything die.  
> Rest in peace, big guy. You were so loved. I hope you have all the green grass in the world, wherever you are.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can't you see that I've changed my tune?  
> I'll be your Sunday afternoon  
> I'm as constant as the sea  
> Or as much as you need me to be..."  
> Too Far, Sam Roberts

The day passed slowly, and the sun seemed to drag through the sky. Agron had said he’d teach Nasir more about the place and how they operate, but he just didn’t have the words to speak. 

He’d cried himself out, and he knew that it was just a horse, but it felt like a member of his family had died. Myra said that Gerry was going to be ok and was expected to recover, but somehow he couldn’t appreciate that knowledge to the full extent just now. 

Nasir was inside, resting on his bed, keeping his foot elevated as the doctor had apparently instructed him. He had ice on it too, and now that they were back to civilization, it was actual ice packs rather than improvised water baggies. 

Agron was mucking out the stalls, but stopped when he got to Tsar’s. The cardboard nameplate was still there, and though he was gone, Agron could swear he felt a presence in the stall, but it wasn’t angry. It was a lingering peace, the kind you feel when a well-known landscape is shrouded in mist. You know what’s there, but you don’t have to see it to know what it is. 

It was a strange feeling, and it made him also think of Duro. He’d always been into that “woo-woo” stuff, and though Agron hadn’t bought it, he claimed to have felt the presence of their parents on more than one occasion. Agron winced at the memory. He’d been less than kind about it.

Morosely, he cleaned the shavings out of the stall and replaced them, and decided to leave the nameplate up, as a small memorial.

He put food in all the stalls, and let the horses back in, one by one. They seemed more withdrawn than usual, seeming to mirror how Agron felt. He went to visit Spartan, opening the stall door and receiving the customary greeting of a nudge from his soft nose. He stroked the smooth hair at the base of his head, looking up into the deep brown eyes. They were calm, and the gelding stood there, seeming to sense that Agron wanted the simple company of a horse right now. Agron lifted his mouth in a faint smile as Spartan put his nose pretty much right on Agron’s, sniffing him. 

He heard someone open and close the barn door. Judging from the absence of metallic clinking noises, he assumed it was Myra.

“Agron, can I talk to you?” He was right. He didn’t turn around.

“In here,” he said. She appeared at the stall door, leaning against the frame.

“Well, as much as I hate to bring it up so soon...we’re going to need another horse. We’re down to 10, and that won’t be enough to keep this place afloat. You know the books as well as I, and we need to keep in the swing of things…”

“I know, I know...you got any leads?” Agron asked, still stroking Spartan’s neck. 

“Yeah, actually. A friend called me from Alberta a couple weeks back, but I turned her down since we already had a full stock. I called her back just now, and she’s still willing to sell. She has a few candidates, so there will be some choice involved. So...how do you feel about a road trip?” she proposed.

“But with Gerry in the hospital…” 

“His son showed up last night.” Agron turned around, making a face. “I know, it surprised me too. But I can hold down the fort here, and Gerry will be taken care of. I’ll still visit him, of course, but it takes the pressure off to have someone else there to be with him.”

“I never liked that kid...fine, I can go. What about Nasir?” he added.

“He can go with you, if you want. I doubt he’ll be up to doing all the chores with his foot the way it is, and besides, it would suck for him to be in the house alone all day.” Myra’s mouth curved into a sly smirk.

“What’s with the face?” Agron asked apprehensively.

“You’re totally into him. Don’t even!” she interrupted as he started to speak. “The way you look at each other, the lingering gazes and touches...if I may say so, you’ve done good. He’s one fine specimen.” She waggled her eyebrows.

“Myra! He’s not a horse!” Agron exclaimed, slightly embarrassed.

“No, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that he’s finer than sand!”

“I thought you didn’t think that way,” Agron grumbled, unimpressed with the teasing.

“Look, just because I’m asexual doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate human beauty. And for what it’s worth?” she added. Agron lifted his eyes to the roof, anticipating her next comment. “I’m happy for you. You deserve this.” He was taken aback. He looked at her, and knew she meant what she said.

“Uh...thanks,” he replied, blinking.

“It’s been a shitty week so far, but at least something good came out of it.” She patted his shoulder. “So, leave in the next couple of days?”

“Yeah, I can manage that. I’ll have to make sure Nasir washes all his clothes, though. He hasn’t got any clean clothes left.” Agron left the stall, giving Spartan a farewell pat and closing the door behind him. “Whereabouts is this friend of yours?”

“She’s up near Fort Saskatchewan. You know, Edmonton region. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you have the address,” Myra answered.

“And what kinds of horses are they? Are they trained?” Agron didn’t mind getting horses that weren’t fully trained, he’d become experienced with schooling them over the years. It gave him a project to work on, and the benefit of training the horse how you like.

“There’s a few trained ones, but the rest are youngsters. 4-5 years old, as she told me. They’re saddle-trained, but haven’t been ridden extensively.”

“Why’s she giving them up?” Agron asked. 

“She has too many to keep track of now, since she’s planning to retire soon. As she put it, she’s too old to deal with young riders and young horses.”

“Fair enough. Yeah, I’ll go. Is tomorrow ok?”

“Go for it. I’ll be fine here,” she said.

“I know it,” he smiled back at her.

\-------

“We’re leaving tomorrow?” Nasir asked.

“Only if you want to. I could uh, bring you back home too, if that’s what you want…” Agron offered. 

“No, no. I said I’d stick around, and I truly want to. I’m not ready for the city again,” he explained. “Though...it might be nice to sort some things out at home. Do you think we could stop by Calgary? I know it’s a 3-hour detour,” Nasir asked.

“Yeah, fine. Though I can’t say the idea of the city thrills me, either.” Agron frowned slightly. They were both sitting on Nasir’s bed, having finished dinner and now in the process of getting ready for bed.

“We won’t spend much time there. Just long long enough for me to grab some stuff and take care of bills.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Agron agreed. 

“Goodnight, you two!” Myra called down the stairs.

“Night, Myra,” said Agron, followed by Nasir. She shut the lights off in the upstairs hallway, giving them a heightened sense of privacy. They began to slowly gravitate towards each other, like strong magnets spaced far apart.

“It’s late. I’d like to get moving early tomorrow, if that’s ok with you,” Agron said, pulling away. 

“Yeah, fine. And Agron?” Nasir asked, not willing to leave it at that.

“Yes?”

“I’m really sorry about Tsar. He must have meant a lot to you.” Agron smiled sadly, then moved to get up. Nasir caught his arm, unsure of what he wanted to do. His impulse told him to throw the man down on the bed and smother him in kisses and caresses, and examine every square inch of his body, but instead he merely pulled him in for a kiss.

Agron obliged readily, and slowly, the kiss deepened into something more passionate than a ‘good night’. Nasir’s tongue begged for entry, and it was granted with enthusiasm. Agron was forced to sit down, and the gentleness with which he framed Nasir’s face with his hands only made Nasir want more. He knew the other man was still apprehensive and unsure, and so he wished to coax him into being just a little bit less reserved. His hands found their way under Agron’s shirt, and when they paused for breath, Nasir’s eyes asked a silent question, and found consent in the green depths of Agron’s eyes.

He deftly removed Agron’s shirt, barely causing an interruption in the ever-deepening kiss. Nasir’s hands hungrily traced the lines of the well-formed muscles, and paused ever so briefly at the point where the scar began. He broke the kiss, leaning back to trace the pattern of the scarred flesh with hands and eyes. His thumb flicked over the smaller ones, and Agron was still, but not rigid. 

“You’re beautiful,” Nasir murmured, looking to Agron’s face with a smile. It was met with shy reciprocation. In answer, Agron’s own hands moved to take off Nasir’s shirt, and he looked into Nasir’s face, asking permission. Nasir nodded, and the shirt vanished.

Agron traced his hands over Nasir’s comparatively smaller frame, but there was a look upon his face of sheer adoration. No one had ever looked at him before with such fondness. It made him want to remove all distance between himself and the man before him.

“And I can’t envision a lovelier sight. You are art, Nasir.” His name was a whisper in his ear, setting what was left of his restraint on fire. He moved his hands abruptly down to Agron’s belt, breaths becoming moans on the other’s skin. This seemed to unleash something in Agron, and somehow, they both ended up flat on the bed, in nothing but their underwear, crushing their faces and bodies closer and closer together. Agron flipped them, positioning Nasir on the bottom, and suddenly, a tightness began to grip Nasir’s chest.

_Please, not now…_

He attempted to drive the sensation back down into the depths where it came from, but the result only inflamed his panic. He wanted this so badly, had wanted it for so long, but the fear was back...with a vengeance.

“Agron!” he cried, and there was terror in his voice that caused the bigger man to stop immediately. He sat up, looking down at Nasir, releasing his grip on his arms and lithely rolling off him.

“What!? I didn’t hurt you, did I? Are you…”

“FUCK!” Nasir bellowed, driving his fist into the pillow next to him. Agron looked scared, and extremely perplexed, clearly shocked at his outburst. “I thought I had gotten over that...I thought…” Nasir’s hands flew to his face. A look of recognition lit Agron’s expression, and he relaxed some. 

“Listen, we can take this is slow, fast, or any way you want it. But I need you to know something, right now,” Agron said, lying down on his side next to Nasir, seeming to stare into his soul. “I’d never hurt you. I’d never do anything that you aren’t ok with. Say the word, and I’ll stop. Ok?” Silent tears of frustration leaked from Nasir’s eyes. He wanted Agron so badly, but apparently his demons had another say in the matter. A thumb wiped the tears away, coaxing a small smile from Nasir’s lips.

Would he ever feel ready?

Agron wrapped him in what Nasir had come to recognize as his most affectionate embrace, and there, pushed against each other in the dark, the pair were content to simply lie there and join each other in sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, but I felt like this was a good stopping point. I was really worried about writing intimate scenes, you’ll have to tell me how I did...I kind of went with what they were telling me was going to happen, if that makes any sense. I don’t think about this kind of thing in detail, but writing is like having another person in your head, and they helped a lot.  
> Also, yes, Myra is canonically ace :) We don't get nearly enough representation, even in fanfiction...  
> Thank you for every kudos, comment, and view <3 I adore you all!


	19. Carefree Highway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexy times ahead! But not without some bonding time first c:

Morning breached the windows shortly after 7:30, but Agron had been up for an hour already. He had given the horses their breakfast, and was drying the last of the wet clothes in the drier. Nasir was still fast asleep.

Myra had woken even before Agron, and when he came to, she was leaning against the kitchen doorway, grinning like the Cheshire cat. 

She was now off to visit Gerry, in the old truck that they kept in case both of them had to be away. For the road trip, Agron would take the newer truck, because it was more reliable for hard travelling, and because the heating/cooling system actually worked. It also had nice speakers, and Agron loved nothing more than hitting the road with his favourite songs.

Of course, Nasir would have to agree on a selection this time, but Agron had a plan to divvy up the music selection. It would also be a chance to get to know each other better. Agron knew better than most that music said things about a person that words never could.

By the time he heard Nasir stirring, he already had breakfast well on the way: fully clothed, this time. They needed to stay focused if they were to leave at a decent hour. He hopped to the kitchen, rubbing his eyes, just in time for Agron to finish the second omelette. 

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” Agron greeted, flashing a grin. 

“Morning yourself,” Nasir said, half mumbling. Without further discussion, he set the plates out, and the meal passed without a word.

“You know what I just remembered?” Nasir asked, having finished.

“What’s that?” Agron answered, resting his chin on his folded hands.

“We left my car at that parking lot.” 

“Ah, shit! Sorry about that...do you want to go and get it before we leave?” Agron proposed.

“It might be an idea. It still has the ticket in the windshield saying when I’d be leaving and when I’d be back, and we don’t want a ranger to happen across it and worry.”

“Valid point. We’ll do that before we go.” He got up to clear away the plates. “Throw whatever you need in the truck, we’ll go as soon as I get things cleared up.”

“Can I propose something else?” Nasir said, stopping in the threshold. 

“Shoot,” Agron prompted.

“What about going to see your brother on this little journey? He’s in Alberta, right?” Agron stilled, becoming very quiet.

“Maybe,” he muttered.

“Just a thought,” Nasir said kindly, departing to gather his belongings.

Agron pushed the idea from his mind, filing it neatly into the “shit to be considered at a later date” folder.

\---------------

Nasir was surprised that his old Camry started on the first try. He expected more resistance, after so long being left idle. 

“Meet you back there,” Nasir called to Agron through their aligned open windows. 

“You sure you’ll be ok?” Agron asked, for the third time.

“It’s my left foot that’s the gimpy one, and this isn’t a standard. I’ll be fine,” Nasir assured him.

“Alright,” he conceded, backing out of the small lot. Soon he was miles down the road.

Nasir followed directly afterwards. It felt strange to drive again, especially with his bum foot, but at least he was back in familiar territory. He hadn’t been in his car since he’d left the city, and like some kind of ghost, the entire feel of the hectic business of going from point A to B all day came right back. He made a noise of disgust. He wasn’t one to believe in all that “aura” and “energy” stuff, but it was almost as if he had trapped the atmosphere of the city in his car.

It was only a 20 minute drive back to the cabin, and Nasir nearly missed the turnoff. He made a mental note to tell Agron that the place needed a bigger sign.

He tucked his little car into the most inconspicuous corner he could, to ensure it wasn’t in the way, and then went to join Agron in the pickup. It was a much bigger hassle wrestling the crutches out of his own car, but, he managed eventually. Once everything was in the truck, Nasir slumped against the seat with a heavy sigh. Agron threw him a look.

“You sure you’ll be ok cooped up in a car for a few days?” Nasir threw his head back in exasperation.  
_Must he worry so much?_

“Yes, Agron, I’ll be just fine. It’s either sitting inside staring at the wall or sitting here and watching the scenery go by. I’ve decided I like road trips, and this way I get to spend some more time...uh, seeing places I’ve never been.” Agron gave him a confident smirk.

“I’m looking forward to spending 4 days with you as well...alone.” Agron emphasized the last word by leaning towards him and bouncing his eyebrows. Nasir couldn’t do anything but blush furiously. Any attempt to speak would only end up as unintelligible babble. Agron laughed, and pulled out of the driveway.

It would be a long 4 days.

\--------------

As they roared down the highway, the skies ahead greeted them with a spectacular display of broken clouds, the sun seeping through them like some divine lightshow. Agron had his iPod plugged into the stereo, and the song playing was “Achilles’ Last Stand” by Led Zeppelin. Oddly, it fit the scene before them in the most dramatic and perfect way. 

They were nearing Mount Robson, and Agron could hardly wait to see what the mountain would look like today. It was so monolithic that it dwarfed the mountains around it, and the peak was rarely seen. It took a perfect day to see the summit, and most days strangers to the region wouldn’t even know of its existence. Nasir probably hadn’t seen it before, because you’d totally miss it coming from the east. But going towards Alberta, it dominated at least 7 kilometers of the view from the highway. As much as it was photographed and adored by all who saw it, it was easy to see how the mountain had garnered such a reputation. 

Nasir was looking around intently, gaping at the montane masterpiece around them.

“I didn’t have a chance to look on the way in, because I was driving. I’d forgotten how much I love being the passenger!” he said enthusiastically. 

“Yep, I’d say she’s giving you a show,” Agron said, taking a second to glance around at the clouds. He wished he could stop to appreciate them with Nasir, but they had a long drive yet. It would be another 8 hours to Calgary.

The song changed to Iron Maiden’s “The Clansman”, and Agron noticed Nasir eyeing the stereo longingly.

“You wanna play some stuff?” Agron asked, anticipating his request.

“If that’s ok. I have a song that would be perfect for this.”

“Be my guest. I’m up for a bit of new music.” Nasir unplugged Agron’s iPod, and replaced it with his own. It was one of those old bulky iPods, the giant black ones with the click-wheel. Apparently, music was important to him. He scrolled for a while until finding the intended song, then adjusted the volume on the stereo.

If there was one thing Agron hated, it was when people talked over a good song, so he made sure to button up and listen. As the song started, it began with a steady baseline, with electronic effects overtop. 

Nasir had been right. Even in hearing the intro, the song might as well have been an auditory description of the beauty around them. As if on cue, Robson apparated into existence before them, just as the song was getting intense. The methodic notes spoke of an indifferent kind of beauty, the kind that was there whether it was appreciated or not. It spoke of solitude, but not loneliness, wildness, but not fear. The unexpected synchrony caused both of the men to be struck dumb. The clouds wreathing it didn’t totally conceal it, but rather bathed it in a kind of ethereal stage-light. The peak was only barely shrouded, and the full form of the mountain was clearly discernable.

Agron had seen it many times, but it was never the same mountain twice. The play of the light, the clouds, the snow, and the sky formed endless visions of it. As they approached the visitor center, there were only a few tourists huddled in the parking lot, cameras of various calibers all trained on the wonder in front of them. 

Nasir had his out as well, but he didn’t ask to pull over, so he must have been getting some decent shots. Before long, the mountain disappeared behind them, as unceremoniously as it had appeared. The song played on, continuing to illustrate the essence of the land, somehow.

“ _I’ve seen things, so many things that you can’t believe…_ ” the voice began. It wasn’t sung, but rather a dialogue. As it progressed, it made less and less sense, and yet, Agron found himself agreeing with the words. He felt like he was stoned, except he hadn’t used any narcotic substance in over 6 years. 

As the song ended, he was shocked to find a tear crawl down from his eye. He wiped it away quickly.

“I’ll remember that for the rest of my life,” Nasir mused, sounding as dream-like as Agron felt.

“As will I,” he agreed. 

Abruptly, the song changed to something with a very loud intro, causing them both to jump and both their hands to scramble for the volume knob. Nasir switched the song over to a gentle acoustic guitar track, apologizing profusely for the scare.

Both of them started to laugh as the adrenaline ebbed. It rose and rose until neither of them could inhale properly, forcing Agron to pull over, lest he cause an accident. He thumped his hand on the steering wheel, struggling to breathe, with tears of a different kind streaming from the corners of his eyes.

“Your...face! Should have...seen it!” Nasir wheezed, leaning against the door. Agron couldn’t even reply.

It took a good 5 minutes for them to calm down, and even then, one would start giggling, and the other joined, causing a cyclic effect. Finally, they regained their composure, and they pulled out onto the road once more. Nasir entertained a few more giggles, until Agron sternly pointed at him saying, “Don’t fucking start.” Somehow, that only made it worse. 

He caught himself thinking that he would never tire of hearing Nasir’s full laugh, the one that was his pure expression of unbridled mirth. It was one of the many things that made Agron think he would happily spend the rest of his days with this man. He must have been wearing a strange expression, to prompt Nasir’s questioning gaze.

“What?” Agron asked, double taking at Nasir.

“You just look so...at ease. I don’t know, it was nice to hear you laugh like that.” He tucked his hair behind his ear.

“Stick around, you’ll hear more,” Agron jibed. 

“Not like I can get away at this point in time. For the next...what is it, 8 hours? you’re stuck with me,” Nasir quipped back. Agron gave him a meaningful look.

“Good,” he answered, all traces of teasing gone from his expression. He was rewarded with a blush spreading across Nasir’s face.

\----------

It felt good to be back on the prairies again. It was where Nasir had grown up, and it was the only landscape he’d ever intimately known. He had found he had a deep love for the mountains and their silence, but there was something about the skies of the Plains that invoked a completely different sense of wonder. 

Coming out of the parapets of the foothills to Calgary, Nasir looked forward to sharing some of his favourite landscapes with Agron. He’d probably seen them before, but nevertheless, Nasir couldn’t help but feel a strange, detached source of pride for his old stomping grounds. There was a quality to this land that he hadn’t felt anywhere else, like the feeling he imagined one would get in a ghost town. It was some potent mix of nostalgia and wonder, a thing he could never quite put his thumb on.  
He loved the skeletal trees that adorned the hills around the highway, stretching their spent limbs to the sky in a final monument to the many seasons they had seen, and the endless waving grasses, buffeted by the spring winds. 

The broken clouds that had greeted them that morning had faded into a solemn greyscape as the day wore on, and when sunset had lit the sky, they reflected the shades of it beautifully. Nasir’s music was still playing, despite Nasir offering to switch it back. Agron seemed content enough, and smiled broadly at him when one of Nasir's favourite songs came on and he sang along, nailing all the lyrics as if it was second nature. 

By now, it was dark, and though the day had been fun, Nasir was definitely ready for a bed. He had dozed in the car, but napping while sitting up could never quite compare to sprawling out on a bed.

“There it is,” Agron said grimly, eyes fixed on the sickly glow of electric lights bouncing off the low-hanging clouds. “Good gods, that fast?! I thought we were at least another 45 minutes away.”

“The suburbs have really expanded. When were you here last?” Nasir asked.

“Uh...let’s see...I would have been...no, but that was...I’m gonna say 8 years ago,” Agron decided. Nasir snorted.

“You’re in for a shock, then.” 

Sure enough, they came upon the first of the suburbs in short order. Agron was gaping at the expansion, struck dumb by the sheer density and uniformity of the sprawl.

“What the hell…” he breathed. Nasir shrugged.

“People need a place to go, I guess.”

“Yeah, but...holy crap, so much land...this was all field!” Agron’s tone revealed that he was upset.

“Well, farmers in the area gave up their land for the sweet deals developers offered them. Why continue the hard life of a farmer when you can retire more than comfortably in a destination of your choosing?” Nasir shook his head. “It’s really sad.”

“Understatement,” Agron scoffed.

When they pulled into the city, Nasir had to direct Agron to his house. It was deep in the city, and admittedly hard to find if you didn’t know Calgary very well. Nasir could practically feel Agron tense up in the dense city traffic, and was glad when they arrived at last.

His place was a humble duplex, shared with a fellow tenant that he didn’t see much of, but got along with based on the passing conversations they had shared. He was a grad student studying science, and was gone much of the time. Both of them were really quiet, and so the arrangement worked nicely.

“Home sweet home,” Nasir said around a yawn, as he lowered himself down from the truck, stretching his arms. He couldn’t say he had missed the city air. “Perks of stopping here first? We can stay for free,” Nasir said as Agron stood beside him.

“Yeah, that is nice...but it’s so bloody loud,” he complained. As if to accentuate his point, a siren wailed through the night, speeding to some unknown emergency. 

Nasir gestured to his place with a jerk of his chin. “It’s quieter inside,” he said. Agron followed him in.

\----------

The first thing he noticed was the colours. They were all warm, variations of beige and soft orange, reminiscent of warm sands; at least in the entryway. The walls were sparsely decorated, but the art that was hung was either abstract or vaguely impressionist landscapes. All of them seamlessly matched the colour of the wall they were mounted on, and were very tastefully placed. 

Nasir spotted Agron’s wandering eyes, and explained, “These are all pieces done by local artists. I like to support them where I can, and in this case, it was a friend of Chadara’s who desperately needed the money.”

“I like it,” Agron commented. Nasir lived in the bottom half of the duplex, and so Agron could see why he would want bright and warm colours for the walls. 

Agron followed him down the hall, only half paying attention to what Nasir was saying about the rooms. It had been a long day on the road, and aside from a few sparing touches from passenger to driver’s seat, they hadn’t really touched at all. Despite the worn and weary appearance of the shorter man, Agron still thought he was the most beautiful person he’d ever laid eyes on. The way his hair ghosted out of its formerly neat ponytail, the air of ease with which he carried himself…  
It was making Agron ravenous for something that had nothing to do with food. At last, the tour led them to just outside the bedroom.

“I don’t have any more than one bed, but...it is big enough for two, if you’d like-”  
Unable to take it any longer, Agron cut off his words with a kiss. Nasir did not object; in fact, he reciprocated with equal hunger. Soon, the passion that drove him had him pressing Nasir to the wall, deepening the kiss and exploring with wandering hands. Remembering the last time they had tried this, (had it really been only last night?) Agron backed off, but only so much as to ensure that Nasir did not feel trapped. In response, Nasir pushed back, sending them both awkwardly stumbling back into the bedroom, landing Agron on his back on the mattress. There wasn’t much of a pause before Nasir was on him again, and while in the past Agron had only ever topped, he decided that this configuration might help with Nasir’s anxieties. 

They took a second to intake the sight of each other, Agron drinking in the sight of Nasir’s slight build under his tank top in the liminal light leaking through the slats of the shades on the window. His eyes were dark with desire, and soon he was leaning forward to kiss Agron ever deeper. Seemingly without effort or pause, Nasir yanked his shirt over his head and discarded it somewhere across the room.

Waiting for Nasir to make the first move, Agron held off with barely maintained patience. He knew something about forcing someone to do something that they weren’t ready to do, and the disaster that it could result in. He wanted to do this right.

Nasir ground into him with his hips, making the state of their arousal painfully apparent to one another. Grasping at the last fraying strings of his restraint, Agron clutched Nasir’s shoulders.

“You want this?” he asked, voice issuing from his mouth as a husky baritone. 

“Shut up and let me take off your pants,” Nasir breathed against his ear. 

Agron stilled, allowing Nasir’s hands to gently unlatch his belt and release the button and zipper, along with his desire. He could feel the smaller man smirk against his lips, running his hands downward with tantalizing slowness. Agron gasped when they found their mark. It had been a long time for him, and silently he hoped it wouldn't be over too soon. 

He reached for Nasir’s pants, waiting until he felt a gentle nod, then proceeding to peel away the last remaining layers that separated them. Nasir leaned down further and further, kissing the man beneath him passionately all the while, hunger becoming more and more obvious.

Nasir abruptly rolled off of Agron, driving him mad with desire. He attempted to pull him back onto his hips, but stopped once he saw what he was doing. He pulled out a bottle from the drawer and a condom, hidden in the bedside table, then regained his position on top of Agron, slowly decreasing the space between their bare chests, and sliding the bottle into his hand. Agron didn’t need further instruction. He slicked his hands and set them to work, reaching for Nasir’s most intimate places, while Nasir eased the condom onto Agron's length.

The faces that Nasir made while astride Agron might have been reward enough, but the sensations he was feeling while inside him were sending him to places he hadn’t been in over 6 years. He didn’t realize just how much he needed this until he felt the warmth of this man around him; this ethereal, unearthly man that had somehow chosen to stay by his side.

Nasir reached down to gratify his own needs, causing him to clench around Agron, eliciting a feral moan from somewhere deep within the large man. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore, and released himself, shuddering and going limp on the sheets. Nasir finished soon after, and collapsed onto Agron’s chest, utterly spent.

Agron gathered him in his arms, finding him limp as a ragdoll, and pressing a kiss to his sweaty forehead. Even in the woods and on the trails, he hadn’t felt the sheer bliss he was feeling in that moment for what seemed like eons.

“We should have done that,” Nasir panted, “much sooner.” Agron beamed, though Nasir couldn’t see it, as his head was nestled in the crook of Agron’s neck.

“Better late than never,” he cooed, stroking Nasir’s long hair.

Soon after, the lovers soon fell victim to sleep, entwined so fully in one another that neither stirred during the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Yes, I initially forgot about the protection part, but added it in! Always practice safe sex, guys...STIs are nasty, nasty things, and I don't want to condone unsafe practices in any way.  
> \-----  
> Was that ok? It took me a long time to get through that scene...even that much detail was a bit much for me to write. I apologize if you’re used to everything being described in detail, but I just can’t do that...v.v 
> 
> The song that was playing when they passed Mount Robson is a song that’s very near and dear to my heart, and will forever remind me of the fleeting glimpses of rocky crags above the clouds in veiled sunlight...to me, it puts the feeling of the mountains into sounds. The solitude, the wildness all around you...it's not something that can be described, but this song comes pretty close.  
> Intergalactic Radio Station, by Vangelis. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04-epi5w_Sw )  
> And, if you’re curious, this is Robson, in all her glory.  
> http://www.ourbc.com/travel_bc/bc_cities/thompson_okanagan/photos/valemount/mt_robson_01_640.jpg  
> http://www.thomklaeui.ch/canada/images/yellowhead/robson.jpg  
> Pictures don’t do the scene justice. It truly is like a monolithic ghost, lurking just around the next bend of the highway, inscrutable if you’re coming from the other direction. If you get the chance, go see it. Robson was also my first ever hiking trip, back when I was a whelp :) That’s also highly recommended. Berg Lake trail. Look it up if you’re ever in the area!  
> Thank you all very much <3


	20. Chapter 20

Outside somewhere, a magpie called harshly into the emerging light. Agron was pulled from his sleep as a result.

As he opened his eyes, memory of what took place the night before filling his mind, and became acutely aware of Nasir’s form nestled in his arms. The combination filled him with contented bliss, and so he pulled Nasir just a little closer, content to just breathe his scent and hold him for a while. He wasn’t typically the type of person to linger in bed, but it seemed he would be doing more and more of that. Not that he was complaining.

He took a glance at the alarm clock, and groaned inwardly. They’d have to set out pretty soon if they were to get up to Fort Saskatchewan at a decent hour. His movement caused Nasir to stir, saving him the trouble of awakening him. Agron propped himself up on one elbow, stroking Nasir’s slightly stubbled cheek fondly.

Nasir stretched his arms out and flexed his fingers, not unlike a cat just waking up from a nap in a sunbeam. Agron smiled at the resemblance. 

“I suppose you’ll want to get going,” Nasir said without opening his eyes. 

“You suppose correctly,” Agron confirmed, kissing his cheek and disentangling himself from the blankets. He could practically trace where Nasir’s eyes were lingering as he got up, and allowed himself to enjoy the sensation. It had been so long since he’d even entertained the thought of a serious relationship, and even longer since he’d had sex with someone.

He was so torn up after his return from active duty that all his sexual encounters had been one night stands, intended to distract him from the emptiness, just like the drugs and alcohol. 

This wasn’t like that at all. He was inspired to try now, to attempt to devote what he could to Nasir, and hope that it would work...and that he would be brave enough to follow through with his desires.

He heard Nasir get up behind him.

“I took all the perishable stuff out of my fridge before I left, so I’m afraid there’s not much in the kitchen,” Nasir stated sleepily. 

“No problem. We’ll grab something on the road, I guess.” Agron looked around for his underwear, but was unsuccessful in locating them. Now that he saw the room in the daylight, it was scattered with their various articles of clothing from the day before. “How did we manage this?” Agron asked, half to himself. 

“Very enthusiastically,” Nasir said from right behind him, the grin plain in his voice. Agron jumped.

“You’re getting really quiet on that one foot, you know that?” Agron scolded, turning around. He gave it an effort, but he found he couldn’t stay frustrated at Nasir, especially when he looked so...happy. Nasir looked up at him, smile radiating warmth. He had unfortunately already found his pants. 

Agron bent down to kiss him, starting out gentle, but steadily got more passionate. He knew they had to get moving, but if they were going to do this again…

Nasir shoved something into his bare stomach. It was cold, causing him to flinch, but not break the kiss. He realized it was his belt buckle. 

“Get dressed,” Nasir said, smiling against his lover’s lips and handing him his underwear and jeans. Agron practically whimpered in protest as he pulled away to find a shirt.

_Little tease._

Nasir found a shirt labelled simply with “U of C” and tugged it over his head, retrieving his crutches from the hallway and heading towards the small kitchen, leaving Agron to get dressed.

It felt so very domestic, and to his surprise, Agron felt a great well of contentment that he’d never known before spring up from where his loneliness usually sat.

\---------

Nasir shuffled through the mail that had accumulated in the mailbox, looking for anything pressing. There were a few bills, and he pulled out his laptop to take care of them. It was strange, staring at his laptop screen now. His mindset was still so far removed from the world of screens and his little basement, it felt incredibly odd to sit down at his kitchen table like always, and go back to business. 

He felt a very prevalent sense of wrongness, after everything that had happened; after everything he’d seen and experienced. 

He knew definitively, in that moment, that he did not want to stay here, in the city. He had grown up here, and all of his memories were linked to this particular place, but he found he had no problem with the thought of leaving it all behind.

He’d entertained such thoughts before, but his life was here, and his friends and relations. All of his support after the loneliness of his exile from home was there. A year ago, he would have been scared by the prospect of setting off on some momentous journey to find himself, but now, there was one key difference: Agron. He might not have to be alone now. 

He’d hold off on selling his place until he was absolutely certain of other arrangements, but he started toying with the idea in his mind.

Agron eventually made his way down the hallway, having eventually located all his clothes. He blinked and rubbed his eyes in the harsh fluorescent light, making him look almost childish. Nasir smiled.

“Anything drastic?” he asked, sitting down.

“Nothing big, no.”

“What about phone messages?” Agron continued, reclining in the small kitchen chair as much as he could.

“Checked them already. I don’t have a house phone, just my cell. Less expensive that way,” Nasir explained. “Plus, I’d never use it.”

“Hmph. It’s the opposite for me. There’s no cell reception on the trails, as you probably noted, so a house phone is all we have. I haven’t owned a cell phone in...10 or more years.”

“No, I didn’t notice,” Nasir answered, “because I didn’t bring my phone with me. Why would I? I wanted a break from...this.” He gestured vaguely at his computer, then the room in general. He had always noticed there was a tendency among outdoorsy-type folk to be rather elitist about their lifestyle, in the way of technology at least. Apparently Agron was not immune.

“Right...sorry,” Agron added on, glancing at him. Silence stretched between them, with only the methodic ticking of the wall clock above them to break it. Somehow, it wasn’t as easy as the long periods of silence they fell into on the trail or on the road. 

“So...any thought as to whether or not you want to pay a visit to Duro?” Nasir asked after a time, completely out of the blue. He wouldn’t normally press the issue, but he really felt as though Agron would only benefit from mending at least that bridge in his life. He knew what leaving something like this alone was like, and before long it turned into something downright nasty, left to bubble up at the most inconvenient times. 

Agron went unusually still. Nasir allowed himself a small sigh. It would have to be Agron’s choice, but he did hope that the two could at least talk.

“I don’t have his number. He wouldn’t know to expect me,” Agron said, sounding like he was trying to justify his point to himself. 

“I somehow feel like it wouldn’t matter,” Nasir reasoned. Agron looked at him with a guilty cast to his features, eyes trying to mask a deeper pain.

“I really let him down, Nasir. I was supposed to be there for him, beat up his bullies for him and read him stories when he couldn’t sleep. I did for a while, but then decided to go play ‘hero’ and get all fucked up in the head." He made a gesture around his head, then lowered it. "How do you come back from that? From almost ten years of excuses and lies?” His eyes began to water. “It’s been too long. That bridge has burned,” he finished, turning away.

“Maybe, but perhaps a new one can be built in its place,” Nasir encouraged. “Where does he live?”

“Same place we grew up. Grande Prairie.”

“That’s not so far out of the way, is it? What, maybe an extra 5 hours from Edmonton?”

Agron was quiet. 

“Fine,” Nasir sighed. “We don’t have to. I just thought it might give you some peace of mind…”

“Alright,” Agron said with a sense of determination. “We’ll go.” Nasir broke into a broad grin; he couldn’t help himself. He reached across the table, taking Agron’s hand.

“I’ll be right there with you,” he assured. Agron simply nodded.

“Well, I’ve taken care of my bills, so we can leave whenever you want.”

“Excellent. I’ll get the truck going,” Agron said, looking relieved at having a reason to leave the table. He left without another word, leaving Nasir to gather what he needed and follow behind him.

\----

The horse trailer clunked noisily behind them as they hit the many potholes in the road, and Agron made a mental note to go slow on the way back. These horses may not have been trained to tolerate the rigours of the road, and the last thing he wanted was a horse freaking out in the trailer on the way back.

Agron had his music playing this time, but he restricted the playlist to some of the quieter stuff. Somehow, he doubted Nasir would enjoy 3 straight hours of hard rock, given what he had heard of his music.

The silence between them wasn’t uncomfortable. Each was engrossed in their own thoughts, prodded gently by the passing scenery. Air didn’t need to be constantly filled with conversation, and this was something they both understood well.

Since Nasir had brought it up, Agron’s thoughts were on his brother. He hadn’t had any meaningful interactions with him in 6 years, outside of generic Christmas and birthday cards. Duro never left anything more personal than his signature, and maybe an additional “Hope you’re well” message. That didn’t leave much room for introspection into his life. Did he have a steady job now? A wife? ...kids?

Agron’s mind had gone over these questions before, but it only served to upset him, thinking that he may be an uncle and would never have known it. Suddenly, Nasir’s accusations of him being selfish washed over him like an unkind tide. A burning shame destroyed the last of his stubbornness, and yet...he didn’t want shame to be the only emotion driving him to reunite with his brother. He searched himself, for anything at all that might stand beside his shame. 

He was scared to badger this particular hole. He’d never given much thought to what it was that made he and Duro so close, at least in the past, because it would only serve to make him feel worse about his decision.

Would Duro understand? Anything Agron would say would only sound like more excuses, and this was among the main reasons for why he never called or visited. He figured Duro had had enough of his excuses to last a lifetime. A vivid memory flashed into his mind, one where Duro had loaned him money to get a hotel room for the night after a bit of begging, but instead, Agron had spent it in a bar, only to wake up to a worried and disappointed Duro staring at him through the bars of the drunk tank. Agron physically shuddered at the memory, damning it from his mind.

“You ok?” Nasir asked, breaking Agron back into the present.

“Yeah. Just...a nasty memory.” Nasir blessedly refrained from asking questions.

They were now just a few kilometers away from Leduc, meaning that their destination was only an hour and a bit away. Agron was excited to see the horses, so turned his thoughts to that.

“How’s your foot doing?” he asked.

“Just fine. I can’t wait to be able to walk normally again,” Nasir replied. His foot was propped up on the dashboard, his seat reclined so that the position was comfortable. He was quiet, and turned the music back up. 

They rolled into Fort Saskatchewan listening to “A Horse With No Name”, with Agron steadily drumming the beat out on the steering wheel. 

\---

As the truck pulled up to the house from the long driveway, Agron was forced to slow to barely 3 kilometers per hour, due to a couple of overzealous dogs running around the car. A figure waved from the porch enthusiastically, and Agron knew at once that it was Andrea.

They had had dealings in the past, and she wasn’t especially close with Myra, but she and Agron had had occasion to speak on more than one occasion. He finally rolled the truck to a stop, and turned to Nasir briefly.

“Hang on, I’ll come around the side,” he said.

“Agron, I’m fine. Greet your friend,” Nasir replied, making a shooing motion with his hands before reaching for his crutches. Agron obeyed.

“Hey, Andrea,” he greeted as the slight woman approached - rapidly. He staggered back as she gave him a hug, too stunned to react properly. Nasir laughed from where he now stood, just in front of the truck. The sound helped put him at ease.

Agron wasn’t what people might call “a hugger”, and Myra had learned this in short order. Apparently Andrea had forgotten. 

“Hey yourself! I swear, you get taller every time I see you,” she greeted back.

“I think I’ve done all my growing. You just forget how tall I am until you see me again,” he speculated, trying to smile, but sure that it looked forced.

“And who’s this?!” she said, turning her enthusiasm on Nasir. Suddenly he wasn’t laughing.

“This is my...uh, well…” Agron groped for the right word, but fell short. They hadn't really talked about it.

“I’m Nasir,” he said, extending his hand while shifting his crutches to the one hand. He smiled warmly - much more natural than Agron’s attempt. “Good to meet you,” he added.

She seemed to look him up and down, before asking, “So what happened to the foot?” Nasir knew it was coming, by his expression.

“Ah, that. Sprained it while hiking,” he explained. She hissed in sympathy.

“Ooo, nasty. Well, I’m sure you’ll be better in no time. So!” she clapped, turning once again to Agron, “shall we look at the reason for your visit?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Agron said, following her as she began to walk toward the back of the house, toward the pasture. 

“But first! Are you boys hungry or anything? That’s an awful long way to come,” she offered.

“Oh no, it’s fine. We stopped over in Calgary last night, and had something to eat on the way up,” Agron explained.

“Fair enough. Come with me then,” she smiled. Agron waited briefly for Nasir to catch up.

When they got to the pasture, there were a few horses grazing in the distance, but it was way too far away to make out anything specific. Andrea gave a shrill whistle, and at once, all their heads popped up and they came trotting over. Immediately, a large, handsome paint caught his eye. It had a kindly expression, and led the group to where they waited by the fence. The one beside him, a buckskin, pushed ahead to see what was happening. The paint pinned his ears, but seemed to take it in stride as the buckskin took his place. 

Agron put his hand out to the horse, and it gently smelled him, obviously having no problem with its face being touched. Agron stroked its cheek, but had to step back as the other horses vied for attention. The paint stayed back after the brief altercation with the buckskin, and seemed to lose interest after the reprimand.

“Who’s the paint?” Agron asked. 

“That would be Thelonius. He’s a 4-year-old, already saddle trained, if a little bit spooky. He’s a great guy, but a little too much for me to handle,” Andrea said, arms slung over the fence. “Yeah, his is kind of a sad story. He got pulled away from his mama when he was far too young to be weaned, because the breeder didn’t desire the colour he turned out. They meant to sell him to a dog food place, but then I got a hold of him.” She shook her head. “Poor fella. He never really seemed to mesh very well with the herd. I think it's because they separated him from his dam too early.”

It wasn’t uncommon for such a thing to happen. Agron felt a pang of pity for the horse, but ruled him out simply because of the spooking and his individual nature.

The buckskin continued to show interest, and already Agron was beginning to think he’d be a good one to try out. 

“What about this fella?” 

“That’s Russ. He’s a bit older, about 7 years old, but still has enough spunk to make him a challenge for me.” Agron silently considered. Nasir hung back, as he anticipated, but seemed interested in the goings-on.

“I’ll try him,” Agron said, gesturing to Russ. 

“Sure thing. Just let me grab some tack,” Andrea answered. Agron turned to Nasir as she left, and noticed that his eyes were fixed on the paint. He was standing behind the other horses who were still by the fence, weight shifted onto his back left leg. His ears were to the side, indicating a calm (if disinterested) state. Nasir moved down the fence a ways, and much to Agron’s surprise, tried to coax the horse over to him. Agron stayed where he was.

Thelonius slowly approached, not in any great hurry, but clearly somewhat interested. Nasir drew back only a little as the horse reached his neck over the fence and inhaled to familiarize himself with the scent. Agron thought they looked equally apprehensive about each other. Hesitantly, Nasir reached up to pet his neck, and the horse stayed quite still, allowing Nasir to feel the texture of his hair. He moved his hand up the long neck, until his hand was just below the horse’s eye. Without warning, Thelonius jerked his head back and sidestepped away, startling Nasir in the process and knocking him flat on his butt.

“Nasir!” Agron called, running over to him. He helped him to his feet, giving him his crutches back. “You ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Andrea reappeared with a saddle and bridle, and seeing Nasir dusting himself off, pieced together what happened.

“Oh lord! You ok? Sorry about that, I know he can be a bit of a chicken…”

“How much do you want for him?” Nasir asked. 

Agron thought he’d have to physically reach down and close his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact! I was born in Grande Prairie :) God, this fic is turning into something more resembling a journal entry than a story...at least for me. There's oodles of personal stuff in this.
> 
> Sorry about the delay for this x.x After school's done, I go back to work full time, and I'm lucky to get 3 hours on my computer in a day. So chapters may be coming more slowly, but I haven't forgotten about it or lost interest!  
> Thanks guys <3


	21. Chapter 21

Agron stepped in front of Nasir, firmly grasping his shoulders.

“Nasir. Do you even realize how much a horse costs to keep? And what about you being nervous around them? How can you care for something you’re scared to be around?” Agron was speaking quickly, Nasir showing no sign of budging.

“He can’t end up in a place where he’ll just be killed or mistreated,” Nasir said calmly.

“He won’t! He’s here! Andrea takes amazing care of all her horses, and I know she’ll find him a good place…”

“Yes, but if she can’t deal with him, who will? Think about it, Agron. She’s close to retiring. Eventually, she won’t be able to keep horses anymore and he’ll have to be sold to whoever will buy him. His behaviour is such that he’d be no one’s first pick,” he continued.

“Someone somewhere will pick him eventually, and you have to believe that…”

“Or, I could buy him and eliminate any probability of him falling into unkind hands. He wasn’t even your first pick!” Nasir exclaimed. He wasn’t yet shouting, but Agron could tell his ire was rising. He had that stubborn set to his jaw, and his dark eyes were flashing. Agron sighed heavily. 

“I don’t know if we can support another horse, Nasir. We’re stretched thin enough as it is,” Agron explained, worried.

“You’ve got me wrong. I don’t expect to just buy him and dump him on you. I’ll pay for everything, learn about how to be around horses. I told you, I want to try this. And I want to have a bond with a horse the way you do with Spartan.” Nasir was still postured for a fight, but Agron felt a swell of pride for his lover. He couldn’t find it in himself to refuse.

“Alright,” Agron conceded, a smile cracking across Nasir’s face. “We’ve got room in the trailer anyway. But,” he cautioned, “you’ve got another thing coming if you think you’re going to ride him with your foot the way it is. That heals first. Deal?”

“I thought that much to be obvious,” Nasir snorted. “Besides, the time I spend tending to him without riding will do me good. I need to get over my anxieties, and I feel them slowly slipping away. It’s not just my foot that needs time.” Agron nodded and stepped aside. Nasir looked to Andrea, who waited for them to finish their discussion.

“...to answer your question, I’ll let him go for $1500. That ok by you?” she asked.

“Just fine. It’s a deal,” Nasir agreed, extending his hand. Andrea approached and set the tack down, taking his hand and shaking it. 

“Sold, to the handsome young man,” she smiled, then turning to Agron. “Now, feel free to tack up Russ when you like. It might be good to see how he reacts to you catching him.” 

Agron picked a halter and leadrope out of the pile of hastily gathered tack, and proceeded to hop the fence. He noticed that Thelonius moved even further away than he was, but Russ stayed stock-still as he swung the rope around the horse’s neck. He fit the halter on, and led him to the gate where Andrea now stood, bringing him beyond the fence and to the pile of tack.

“So far so good,” he commented to her. 

“I never expected anything else,” she said. “He should stay if you just drop the rope. That’s how I trained him.”

He did as she said, and he remained still. He put the saddle on gently, knowing that slower was better with a new horse. He cinched it up, watching the ears out of the corner of his eye. Some horses got nippy when you tightened the cinch, usually as a result of some jerk who did it too fast in the past. Russ’ ears stayed neutral however, which Agron was impressed with.

Every horse was different with the bridle. Some took the bit easy, some with more difficulty, and it was immediately obvious that Russ took it easy. Another thing in his favour. The bridle went on with no fuss, and soon the horse was ready. Agron grabbed the horn of the saddle, again monitoring the ears, and gently swung himself into the saddle. The horse was a bit taller than Spartan, and the height was a bit foreign, but he didn’t move until Agron told him to. 

He felt the power beneath him and the potential for speed, as he did with all horses. It was endlessly humbling to him how such big creatures allowed people to literally lead them around by the nose and join with them in motion, and it was something he never took for granted. He figured that’s where most of his patience for moody horses came from; the sheer respect. But for now, he needed a horse that would listen and behave themselves, and be good with new riders. 

He liked what he felt so far. He moved Russ into a faster walk, and nudged him into a trot with exquisite ease. The next step was the canter, and that’s when Agron felt one truly got to know a horse. Every canter is different, and the very essence of the horse shows in this particular pace.

Agron set his right leg back, and Russ seamlessly transitioned into a canter. He had a typical western canter, neck extended and front end heavier than the back, but he did his best to lift the horse's head up. Once he did, he steered him around various objects around the yard, impressed with how well he responded at such a fast pace. It was exhilarating, even after so many years around horses, and Agron couldn’t stifle his smile, or a small whoop. The wind began to tear the water from his eyes, and he felt a tear roll down his cheek. Feeling bold, he decided to try and jump the small hedge just ahead of them. He dug his heels in just a little deeper, and Russ picked up the signal. With a fantastic leap, he cleared the hedge and landed cleanly. He slowed the horse back to a trot, and brought him back to where Andrea and Nasir were standing. He pulled to a halt just beside them.

“So?” Andrea asked.

“I’ll take him,” Agron grinned. He was sure he looked at least a little bit deranged, but he didn’t care.

\-----

Nasir looked at his man atop the buckskin gelding, beaming with such intensity that only affirmed his assertion that he wanted to learn more about horses. If something (other than Agron) could make him smile like that, he’d be glad of it. He enjoyed many things, but had never really found something that ignited his blood like the wilderness...or Agron. And if the man he’d come to love could feel such passion about something, then he’d try too.

He saw a tear on Agron’s face, and chalked it up to the sheer joy of the ride. 

“Two additions to the herd...I didn’t expect it, but, as they say, the more the merrier,” Agron puffed. Apparently whatever he’d made Russ do wasn’t only an exertion on the horse’s part. He hopped down with impressive grace, and swung an arm over Nasir’s shoulders.

“Now, let’s see about your guy,” he said, steering them towards the pasture where the paint still awaited. Nasir honestly wasn’t sure about this, but after hearing his story...he just wanted to make sure he had the best life a horse could have. He knew what it was to be the outcast, and to be without the guidance of parents. In some insane way, he felt connected to the horse simply on those grounds. 

“How about I go get him out of there, and then you two can talk?” Agron offered. 

“I could do it myself, you know,” Nasir argued.

“I just don’t want you getting knocked on your ass again,” he winked. Nasir shoved him away, though not out of any true anger. Andrea wisely stayed silent. Agron turned to her, and said, “Do you mind dealing with Russ? I just want Nasir to be sure.”

“Sure thing, honey. Take as much time as you like,” she answered.

There was a halter and leadrope sitting on a fencepost, and Agron retrieved it, folding it into his hand in such a way that it was hidden by Agron’s torso, and made no telltale clinking noises. Nasir guessed he did this for the benefit of Thelonius, who might be nervous about being caught by a stranger. 

With a jolt, Nasir realized that if he went through with this, he’d be taking the horse away from Andrea, who likely had served as a surrogate mother to him. Inwardly, he decided that if he couldn’t reach some common ground with the horse, he’d leave him here with Andrea, and come back for him when she was forced to retire.

Agron slowly approached the wary animal, walking with intent but not aggressively. Agron appeared to be going in a completely different direction, and the paint’s guard seemed to drop some. Then, Agron turned ever so slightly towards him, and threw the rope around his neck, quickly enough that the horse started. He threw his head up, the whites of his deep brown eyes visible, and tried to turn and run. Agron was too quick; he already had a hold of the rope, and gave it just enough slack to calm the startled horse. He reached his hand to the horse’s shoulder, probably recalling that the face wasn’t his preferred area of human contact, and did what Nasir could only call “the horse whisperer thing”. It consisted of Agron running his completely open palm over the horse’s tense muscles, slowly and calmly. It took a couple of minutes, but Thelonius relaxed enough for Agron to slip the halter on his face eventually.

He led him out of the gate and up to Nasir. Being so close to him now without a fence between them made him doubt his decision. Thelonius was massive, or at least appeared so to Nasir. But, knowing Agron was holding the rope, he felt safe enough to reach out and let the giant nostrils inhale his scent. The whiskers tickled his hand, nose recalling the texture of velvet.

He didn’t quite know what exactly happened. He had shied away when Nasir went to touch his face from across the fence, but now, he nudged closer to him, seeming to enjoy the hand gently stroking his cheek. In one heart-stopping moment, he moved slightly closer, and reached his head over Nasir’s shoulder, resting a part of the weight of his massive head on him. Even though he was obviously nervous, the horse didn’t seem to care. He withdrew his head, nosing at Nasir’s pockets to see if there were any treats hidden in their depths. Agron pulled him back, just a bit, to prevent the big animal from knocking Nasir over again.

“Hey now, big fella, easy,” Agron cooed.

“Well I’ll be damned,” Andrea gaped, still holding Russ’ reins. “He never - and I’m not just saying this - NEVER acts like that towards strangers. I was worried when you said you’d take him, but now...not so much. Sorry, but you have city kid written all over you,” she explained.

Nasir looked deep into the horse’s eyes, and for the first time around any horse, felt completely at ease. There was no mistrust nor malcontent in them, and though he was not one to anthropomorphize animals, he felt he had an understanding with the creature.

He turned his gaze back towards the dumbfounded Andrea and beaming Agron. He returned it with a shy smile, and nodded to Andrea.

“Yes, he’s coming with us. If that’s ok, Agron?”

“Hey man, you’ve sold me. I won’t even get on him until you’re healed up, I want you to be the first one on him,” Agron said, reaching forward to give him a thump on the shoulder. This caused Thelonius to raise his head in alarm and step back, forcing Agron to turn and try to quiet him.

“May I?” Nasir asked, surprising himself. He stepped forward, hand extended for the leadrope. Cocking an eyebrow, Agron obliged, and suddenly it was just him and Thelonius. 

“Hey…” Nasir hushed, raising a hand in a non-threatening way. He dropped the crutches, hopping forward and hoping it wouldn’t spook him further. Thelonius stopped moving, but his head remained raised. Nasir slowly and deliberately extended his hand to the massive shoulder, and imitated Agron in stroking the sleek hair with an extended palm. He made a note to ask about the purpose of that later. He tried to channel his calm and trust through the simple touch, and about two minutes later, all tension had left the gelding’s posture. He dipped his head low, allowing Nasir’s hand to smooth the hairs there as well. Unconsciously, Nasir had leaned his weight on the horse’s sturdy frame, and the long neck coiled around him to sniff at the hand holding the leadrope. And strangely...he felt safe. Nearly as safe as when Agron held him in his arms.

He looked up and took notice of his companions, who were still gaping at him. Without taking his eyes off him, Agron said to Andrea, “So, will that be cash or cheque?”

“Cheque is fine,” she replied.

\------

Agron was still reeling from what he’d just seen. Russ had gone into the trailer without a fuss, but Thelonius had required some effort. Nasir had managed to calm him, however, and all was quiet now, so Agron assumed they were ok. They bid Andrea goodbye and hit the road again, who had in turn given a tearful farewell to both horses. 

They were now on their way to Grande Prairie. Nasir hadn’t said anything, and Agron hadn’t told him definitively that they were going to see Duro, but he seemed to know what was up. After all, he could read the road signs, and why the hell else would they be going north? It was a detour, after all. 

Nasir’s iPod was plugged in again, but there was no conversation. They were both, once again, either listening to the music or lost in their own thoughts. The way up north wasn’t the most scenic, but there was always something to look at on the highway. Unfortunately, Agron had to keep his eyes trained on the road. The highway wasn’t busy, but he’d heard enough stories about moose collisions to be on his guard at all times. They were in the latter part of the day, and that’s usually when the deer and moose came out to play.

Despite the absence of hulking geological features, there was something powerful about the vastness of the land and sky. The song resounding from the speakers now reflected it beautifully, and snatches of the lyrics caught Agron’s ear.

“Maybe sparrow, it’s too late…”

Maybe it was too late...to go back to how he had been with his brother before his time in the army. Things would never be as they were, and he wasn’t deluded enough to think that they could be. Small hurts within a family could be forgiven, but some things were not as simple. In this case, it was the accumulation of all the little things that were never acknowledged. Instead of airing out the dirty laundry and facing up to his mistakes, Agron had simply run away. It was easier than facing exactly what he’d done, but his solitude had become a vicious circle. He didn’t apologize, and so the moment had passed. And it just sat and stagnated until the air was so thick of unmentioned hurts that clear communication was impossible now.

He sighed, betraying his inner turmoil to his companion. Nasir, ever knowing, glanced at him meaningfully.

“It’ll be fine. You don’t need to find a way back to how things were, but moving forward is always a possibility. Ok?” Nasir encouraged. Agron stayed quiet, because he knew his hopeless negativism on the topic would only serve to foul Nasir’s mood, and he preferred not to do that. Nasir went back to surveying the land from his window. Slowly, Agron chewed on his next words in his mind, phrasing and re-phrasing it so he wouldn’t sound too pathetic.

“But... _how_ do I start? _Where_ do I start?” he asked quietly; so quietly that it was nearly inaudible. Nasir blinked. He clearly wasn’t expecting a response, much less a request for advice.

“Well...I’d say you should start with honesty. Truly, how do you feel about the whole situation? It might not garner a positive result, but it’s where I’d start.”

The closer they got to their destination, the more anxious and emotional Agron became. It wasn’t only the familiar sights on the highway that connected Edmonton to Grande Prairie drawing him into nostalgia, it was the recollections of every little thing he ever did to hurt Duro or push him away. He never wanted it to go the way it did, but once he’d started...it was like he couldn’t physically bring himself to stop. It wasn’t only the fear of facing what he had done, it was also a matter of what he might still do to his brother, and all the new ways he'd find to disappoint him.

“GRANDE PRAIRIE 100 km” the sign read. He swallowed forcefully. He could feel the sweat trickling down the side of his face, despite the air conditioning already billowing from the vents. He chanced a glance over at Nasir, and saw that he had dozed off.

75 km….then 30...at that point, Agron was fervently hoping he wouldn't have an episode as they were driving. His heart hammered against his ribs, and his hands were clamped around the steering wheel like the jaws of a crocodile.

They came to an intersection that forced Agron to slow down, and the change in pace caused Nasir to wake up. Agron was only dimly aware of it. They were close now, and he was more strung out than ever. What he needed was a good long ride on the trails alone, but he was far away from that now. There was no more escape.

As they rolled into the city, Nasir took on the role of navigator, typing in the return address of the last bit of mail from Duro into the Google maps app on his phone. They steadily wound their way through the city, and Agron was sure his heart would beat through his chest and onto the dashboard. He probably looked severely uncomfortable, because Nasir edged as close as he could from his seat and leaned on his shoulder as much as possible. Amazingly, this calmed Agron down considerably. Nasir believed in him, and for now, that was enough. 

At long last, they pulled to a halt just in front of a non-descript house near the outskirts of town. It looked like someone cared about it, because the grass was manicured nicely and the garden was slowly regenerating. The trees in the neighbourhood were decently large, and Agron guessed the house may have been built in the 70s.

He took the card envelope from Nasir, and studied the paper, making triple sure that the address was right. It was. 

The time had come. Agron was physically shaking now, as if set upon by a winter only he could feel. Nasir grabbed his shuddering arm, and using his other hand, gently turned his head to face him by the chin, forcing Agron to look in his eyes.

“You can do this. I’m right here.” The smaller man’s eyes radiated confidence and calm, and it was exactly what Agron needed to see. He stopped shivering a little bit, but not by much. 

Mechanically, he opened the door and hopped down, closing it slowly behind him. He heard Nasir get out as well, the clattering of his crutches resounding through the warm evening air. Agron marched forward, aware of every single muscle that made the action possible, feeling every stride as he never had before.

Pulse hammering in his ears, shaking like an aspen leaf in the wind, he pressed his finger into the doorbell. For one horrifying moment, he thought no one would answer. Then he heard footsteps just behind the door, and it became altogether terrifying. The only thing keeping him on the doorstep was his pride, and Nasir’s steady presence just down the walkway.

The handle clicked, and turned. Warm light spilled into the waning sunlight of the evening, and in the doorway, stood Duro. Light eyes met dark, dark doing a double take and fixating on Agron’s face. His mouth fell open slightly, tears budding in his eyes, and clutching the doorframe, he staggered backwards. He looked much as he had 6 years ago, with the exception of the scruff and slightly longer hair pulled back into a small ponytail. However, his face gave the impression of health, and the sight alone was enough to make Agron's eyes water.

“Listen Duro, I know this is uncalled for, and I should have called firs-”

Agron was interrupted by the fiercest hug he’d ever been subjected to. His brother was only marginally shorter than Agron, and Duro used one of the hands clasping his brother’s back to cup the back of his neck. Duro held on for a long time, until Agron’s shaking subsided. 

“I thought I’d never see you again,” came the muffled voice, heavy with emotion. Something very deep and very intrinsic in Agron’s being came loose at the sound of that voice, and its tone. 

So he clutched his baby brother tight, and quietly sobbed into his shoulder, both standing in the threshold as the sun withdrew its last rays from the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my lord, I'm so sorry for how delayed this is. However! I no longer have to guess at how one recovers from a sprained ankle, because my mom sprained both of hers last week! She's alright, but Mother's Day weekend was absolutely nuts at work, and I had zero surplus energy to properly deal with this chapter.
> 
> So there it is! Hopefully you won;t have to wait as long for the next one.


	22. Chapter 22

After what seemed to be eons, the brothers broke their embrace, each holding the other’s shoulders and looking them up and down. Duro made a noise that was half laugh and half sob, smiling all the while.

“You look good,” he complimented, meeting Agron’s eyes at last.

“As do you,” Agron returned, voice still unsteady. Only then did Duro look around his brother’s larger frame to see Nasir leaned up against the front of the truck, crutches next to him, and the horse trailer that housed the two horses. 

Following Duro’s gaze, Agron beckoned to Nasir. He gathered the crutches and met them at the doorway, extending his hand to Duro.

“Hi, I’m Nasir,” he said, with a smile that was just a little bit warmer than his usual polite smile he donned when meeting strangers. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Duro,” he answered back, grasping the offered hand. “And you already broke him? Nice work, brother,” he quipped at Agron, gesturing to Nasir’s foot. Agron was too emotional still to be properly annoyed, but Nasir cracked a smile. 

“Honey, who’s that?” a female voice called from behind the door. 

“That’s Lyla, I’ll introduce you in a sec,” Duro said quietly to them, then called back to her, “Come here, you’ll never believe it!”

Sensing this was about to become a party, Agron decided to say just one more thing.

“Gods, how I’ve missed you,” he breathed. Duro smiled until the corners of his mouth reached his eyes. Lyla appeared just behind his shoulder. She was pretty, even Agron would admit that, and he smiled unintentionally at the fact that she had blue eyes and brown hair. That had always been Duro’s “type”.

Duro reached his arm around her shoulders, and said, “Lyla, I want you to meet Agron, my big brother.” Her eyes went wide.

“So you’re Agron! It’s so nice to finally meet you!” Her voice was pitched high with excitement. Without much warning, she jumped past Duro and wrapped Agron in a greeting hug. That would make twice in a day he’d been hugged in greeting by (somewhat strange) women. Unsure what exactly to do, he put a single arm around her back and patted once, awkwardly trying to pull away before she let go.

“Agron, this is Lyla, my fiance,” Duro added from behind. 

“Wow...fiance…” He didn’t have much else to say. It was enough of a shock to see Duro, but to find out he was engaged - and that he’d never even MET her - forced him to realize exactly how much of Duro’s life he’d missed. 

“And who’s this handsome young man?” Lyla asked, regarding Nasir.

“Uh, this is Nasir. My uh...friend.” Agron wasn’t about to put any labels on what they had without discussing it with the man in question first, and somehow, even through the hours of travel time, it hadn’t come up in the snatches of conversation they shared.

Which caused him to ask the age-old question for the first time: what were they?

However, with Lyla eagerly ushering them over the threshold, he didn’t have much of a chance to dwell on it. Duro stood in the doorway until they were all in, and shut the door behind them. Lyla made meaningful eye contact with Duro, and in the simple exchange, some kind of decision was reached.

“So, Nasir!” Lyla began, putting a hand on his shoulder and walking up the stairs to (presumably) the kitchen, indicating that he should follow. The rest of their conversation faded to obscurity, leaving Duro and Agron alone.

“Come downstairs. I have a cold one waiting for you if you uh, want,” Duro offered, somewhat hesitantly. Agron followed, but waved his hands in a gesture of refusal.

“Nah, that’s ok man,” Agron said simply. He wasn’t about to say “I’m not that guy anymore”. Not to him.

Duro eyed him strangely, but accepted it. Downstairs was a fairly large communal room, not as nicely furnished as the upper level, but still homey. It was carpeted and was still lit by incandescent lights, giving the place a warm feeling that Agron associated with his happier childhood memories. 

Duro sat in an armchair, and gestured to the one across from it. Agron sat, though only on the edge of the seat, not comfortable enough to fully relax. Silence stretched between them, and it wasn’t long before it became oppressive. Agron looked around some more, taking in the various decorations and furnishings.

“So,” Duro said at last. “I could ask a million different questions, but I guess the one that burns the most is…” He braced his elbows on his knees, and dropped his head into his hands. Agron had forgotten this particular mannerism of his, and seeing it again brought back equal parts regret and fondness. “Why? Why did you come back?”

“I...realized something.”

“Oh? And what was that?” Duro’s tone had an edge to it now. Clearly, he was angry. Agron couldn’t blame him. He’d take whatever hits he decided to throw.

“I realized that I didn’t leave because I was protecting you. That was the answer I gave you, but...it wasn’t true. I left because I was selfish. I subjected you to...so much bullshit. I know that, I was a right bastard. But for all that, I never let you in. Never explained. I just expected you to catch me when I fell, and I fell a lot. Duro, I…” Agron looked up, and seeing his brother’s soft expression, decided it was safe to continue. “I fucked up. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m ready to share what haunted me all those years...STILL haunts me...if you want to hear it. If not, I’ll leave. No questions asked.”

Duro considered him for a moment. There was no conflict on his face, but years of observation told him that he was processing an answer.

“I’ll listen to anything you have to say, Agron. I thought you’d FO’d for good, and now to have you back…” He laughed; a gruff sound. It was more an expression of relief than humour. “I don’t want to scare you off again.”

There was something in his younger brother’s eyes that was painfully vulnerable. He was plainly scared. 6 years too late, he realized that he was not the only one dealing with the fallout of their tumultuous childhood. Agron realized, for the first time, that Duro must be scared of being left alone again. He had always acted so confidently, and always made a show of telling Agron that he didn’t need him around all the time. He instinctively wanted to just quietly notice this and carry on, but all the stops were being pulled tonight.

“I’m so sorry, Duro. I was selfish.”

“You said that…”

“I never stopped to think what my leaving would do to you...I never wanted to leave you alone in this world. At the time, I was convinced that me being out of the picture was the best thing for you. I was so clearly dragging you down, disappointing you at every turn…” Agron spoke softly, in order not to betray the level of his sorrow. He looked at Duro in time to see a tear slip from his eye. His face, however, showed a gathering storm. “This isn’t a monologue, Duro, if you have something to say…”

“Yeah, I have something to say.” His mouth twitched in the way it always had when he was furious, and Agron knew he was in for it. Still, he braced himself to listen. “How could you?! All those years of us against the world, do you remember none of that? No, probably not. I have no idea what happened to you over there, but what I do know is that when you came back, you were near death. And I don’t just mean in body either. Something, some part of you...the brother I knew was gone.” 

Agron just listened, not indicating a desire to speak. Duro needed to say this, and he needed to hear it. All of it, even if it stung like lying on a bed of broken glass. Duro’s eyes were streaming in earnest now, but he kept on. “I hoped every day, prayed long and hard for you to come back to me. But I guess the seduction of numbing yourself to all your shit was stronger than your care for me. No, Agron, I don’t understand. And when you left...it felt like my world had collapsed in on itself. I consoled myself when you shipped out with the army with the knowledge that you had a warrior’s spirit that needed sating. But when you left again, I had nothing. NOTHING. Not even a hope of a time when you might come back! You have no idea how hard these years have been. No idea at all. You left, and took your reasons why with you. I didn’t even know where you went! No, all you left was this fucking thing!”

He took out a scrap of paper from his wallet, and at once, Agron knew what it was. It was his goodbye note, the one he’d authored all those years ago. He didn’t need to look at it to remember what it said. He remembered the feel of the ink giving form to each letter vividly. 

“And I quote: ‘Duro: I’m sorry, but this is how it has to be. I can’t continue to hurt you like this. You’re better off without me.’ I was in a sheer panic for 6 months until you sent me that postcard with no return address, except to some generic post office. I thought you’d gone to…” He stopped, swallowing hard. Agron’s own eyes were flowing freely now as well. “Who the fuck are you to decide what I’m better off with or without?”

“I know that now…” Agron’s voice was barely a whisper.

“Fuck you. I swear, if you say ‘Better late than never’, I will punch you in your gods-damned face.”

“I wasn’t going to say that. The only thing I have to give you is my apology...and gods, Duro, I’m sorry. More sorry about this than anything else I’ve ever done. If you don’t believe me, that’s fine, but I needed you to hear that.” He raised his hands in exasperation.

“Again with what I need. What I NEED, what I NEEDED, Agron, was not a perfect human being to protect me from all the ills of the world. I didn’t need a guardian, and still don’t. What I need...is my big brother. Nothing more, nothing less.” They were both crying unreservedly now. 

“I can’t make up for the lost years...the years of that that I took from you...but I can give that to you in the future. I can’t rewrite the past, and I don’t think there’s a way back to what we were, but I’m fully prepared to try and make the future better.” He realized he was recycling some of what Nasir had told him, but he felt that those were the most appropriate words.

Duro stood up, and crossed the room, arms extended. “Get the fuck over here.”

Agron mirrored him, and once again, they wrapped each other in a tight embrace. It wasn’t as lengthy as the first one, but no less intense. 

“So, now that we’ve sorted that out,” Duro continued, sniffling and drawing away once again, “where the hell have you been, bro? I mean, a horse trailer? And you look like you’ve spent years on some tropical island.”

“Nah, just the rockies.” For a moment Duro looked stunned. And then he started to laugh, quietly at first, but it wasn’t long before he was roaring with laughter. “What?!” Agron demanded indignantly.

“Nothing! It’s just...you’ve gone totally Thoreau on me? I’m sorry, I’m gonna need a moment to process this,” he managed, laughter winding down. Of all the reactions, laughter was not something Agron expected. Though, he supposed his current lifestyle didn’t really fit his profile from what Duro knew of him. He had changed much in his time away.

“You’ve really changed…” Duro said with a quiet wonder, as if he could see Agron’s thoughts. He allowed a small smile.

“Yeah, I really have. No bullshit this time.” Duro didn’t smile, but there was a kind of pride on his face that couldn’t really be defined as one expression. 

“What you did hurt like a bitch...but you have to know that I’m so proud of you,” he said. And for the first time, Agron allowed himself to feel pride for all that he’d conquered within himself. The depression, the fear, the addictions… It wasn’t something he realized he needed to feel until that moment. 

Agron heard the unmistakable sound of Nasir’s laugh from upstairs. He wondered what caused it.

“Shall we join them?” Duro asked.

“Sure, I can explain what I’ve been up to for everyone.” Duro flung an arm around his brother’s shoulders briefly, then led the way to where Nasir and Lyla were waiting. 

They entered the kitchen to find Nasir and Lyla sitting across the table from each other, both still smiling and chuckling occasionally.

“What’s so funny?” Duro asked, taking the seat beside Lyla. 

“Oh, nothing...we were just swapping stories about you two,” she replied smugly.

“Such as?” Agron tried to give Nasir a stern look, but the look on his lover’s face was causing him to smile and fail miserably in the attempt. 

“You know, respective stories of putting up with the Hoch brothers,” she continued, causing Nasir to giggle. Agron side-eyed him, but took the last remaining seat next to him.

“It seems you two have much in common,” Nasir added. Duro looked across the table at Agron in confusion, and Agron returned the expression, making both of their partners laugh again.

“...anyway, Duro, you wondered where I was all this time.” Agron switched the topic, eager to get away from the feeling that he was the butt of a joke. 

“Yes, that’s right.” Apparently Duro echoed the sentiment. The other two sobered up, and only cracked barely-concealed laughs a few more times. 

“I’ve been co-running a uh, trail riding operation in the B.C. Rockies. Well, I don’t do the trail riding bit, I just run the pack train that takes people’s gear up to the camps for them if that’s what they want to do. My partner, the other owner, takes care of the trail ride tours.”

“A+ service, I’d recommend it to anyone,” Nasir commented mischievously, throwing Agron a knowing look. Agron willed himself not to blush, unsure if he succeeded.

“So that means horses, right? That would explain the trailer,” Duro commented. “But of all things Agron, why did you decide on that?”

“The quiet. It gave me a much needed chance to do some serious thinking, and a much-needed distance from the uh...distractions of the city.” Lyla was the only one who wasn’t privy to what he was alluding to, but she thankfully refrained from asking further questions. “It’s beautiful out there, Duro. You should come out sometime.”

He smiled appreciatively. “Maybe in a few years. Both of us have obligations here for the next little while, but rest assured we will visit.”

“Which reminds me...what the hell have you been up to, little bro?” Agron relaxed into his chair this time, feeling more at ease.

“Ah, a bit of this and that. I’ve been all over the place, but now I own a little bookstore downtown. It’s not wildly popular and we don’t turn a huge profit, but it suits me,” Duro answered.

“Is it like an independant bookstore then?” Agron asked.

“Yeah, but most of them are used books that people either donate or sell to us. There’s a little coffee bar in there too.” Agron couldn’t help a scoff.

“What?” Duro asked.

“My brother the hipster. You know, somehow, it really fits.” Duro kicked him under the table, but only half-heartedly. “I’m proud of you, though.”

“Thanks. I’m still just a university drop-out,” Duro said bashfully.

“Who the fuck cares? You’re doing what you want, and that’s all that matters. You don’t need to fork out $60,000 to do that. Seriously, I’m proud of you.” Agron added a smile, hoping that it wasn’t too much.

Duro looked away. “...thanks.” Sensing that he was uncomfortable, Agron decided to keep the conversation going.

“So, Lyla! How do you spend your days?” 

“Oh, she’s-” Duro began, only to be interrupted.

“I can speak for myself, thank you!” she exclaimed, giving him a severe look. Duro reddened, and Agron wondered at his restraint in front of her. He didn’t know many people who could stop his brother from talking about something he was excited about.

“Sorry.” 

“Apology accepted. I just finished a nursing degree, and I’m doing an internship at the local hospital. It’s a good job, and I enjoy it. Some days it feels more like I’m annoying people rather than helping them, but hey, it’s an occupational hazard.”

“That’s great!” Agron said, wincing inwardly at how awkward he sounded. “Very respectable. How’d you crazy kids meet, if you don’t mind the question?” This was totally out of Agron’s usual character, but he honestly wanted to know. The fact didn’t go unnoticed by Nasir, who raised his eyebrows ever so slightly at his question. He’d already missed too much of his brother’s life. And, if they were getting married, he was sure he’d be seeing much more of her.

“Well...shall I, love?” Lyla asked Duro.

“Why not?” he conceded with a smile. 

“It was 4 years ago. His bookstore isn’t too far from the college where I was finishing my degree, but he didn’t own it at the time. He was the full-time barista, and one day I just ended up venting to him about a stressful day, and he was just...there for me, you know? We went on a few dates, and really clicked. It’s not the most exciting of stories, but it’s ours,” she concluded with a wistful smile.

“I tell you, I’ve never been so excited to hear someone complain to me all night. The first night we met, she came in almost in tears over something one of her professors did, so I asked what was wrong, and it was a slow night, so I kept checking on her. I made sure she had a quiet table, and she said she wanted to see me again, and that was that,” Duro added, an equally doofy expression gracing his features. Nasir had a cheshire grin plastered on his face, and that finally cracked Agron who just had to beam back. He didn’t care for shmultzy romance stories, but for now, it was enough to be in a room filled with the people he cared about most recounting happy memories.

There was an easy silence for a bit, and Agron noticed Nasir getting increasingly nervous about something. Agron had no idea what it might be, and was about to ask, when Duro made it apparent.

“So, Nasir! What do you do?” He blanched, and looked at the table.

Of course that was it. Agron remembered graduating high school and being asked by every adult the “what are you going to do with your life” question, and getting pretty damn tired of it pretty damn quick. But, at the age of 28, the question got substantially more awkward. One could forgive a kid with no direction, but adults were supposed to have their lives together - or so society said. Agron decided to come to his rescue.

“He just recently graduated with a degree in sociology, and wanted to explore a bit before putting his nose to the grindstone, you know?” Nasir threw him a thankful expression. “That’s how he ended up with me. A friend who helps out around the barn had a pretty serious stroke, so Nasir offered to help out.”

“Ah! That explains it. Well, good for you, Nasir. I’m sure the right thing will come your way eventually,” Duro assured him. Nasir looked like he had regained his composure.

“I’m sure it will,” he answered, giving Agron a significant glance. Agron had the sudden desire to kiss him, anywhere and everywhere. 

Lyla yawned, trying to conceal it behind her hand, but the damage was done. First Duro, then Agron, then Nasir yawned, all in succession. 

“Well, we should probably be off. Thank you so much for your hospitality, both of you,” Agron said. 

“Off where? You’re staying here tonight, aren’t you?” Duro asked, completely in earnest.

“No no, we’ll be just fine in a hotel. We need to be gone early tomorrow anyway, and I wouldn’t want to wake you up,” Agron reasoned.

“A hotel? No chance. You won’t wake us up; Lyla has to be at work at 6 am, and I usually get to the shop early so I can catch the morning coffee crowd.”

“That early?? Duro, you should have said so! We wouldn’t have come so late in that case…” Duro waved a hand dismissively. 

“It’s no trouble. It’s not every day your long-lost brother stops by for a visit. It’s worth being a little bit tired. I work in a coffee shop, for god’s sake, I’ll be fine. We have an extra bedroom anyway. You’re staying.” Agron decided not to waste the precious remaining hours of the night arguing.

“Fine, fine. Just point the way,” he conceded. 

“Well, I’m turning in if that’s alright,” Lyla interjected.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Be there in a minute,” Duro said, pecking her on the forehead. “Follow me, gentlemen.”

He led them to the spare room, which was pretty bare, except for a lonely bedframe with a basic mattress on it, without any sheets. 

“Ah. One second,” Duro said, shuffling over to the hall closet and retrieving some sheets. He handed them to Agron. “There you go. Anything else?”

“Uh, if you want, you can take the bed,” Agron told Nasir. Nasir opened his mouth to answer, but Duro cut him off.

“Agron. Please. I’m not blind. You don’t have to put up a front. Just don’t keep us up all night, ok? The walls are pretty thin,” Duro smirked, and Agron turned a comely shade of crimson. He departed with a pat on Agron’s shoulder. “See you in the morning.”

“You know, I really like your brother,” Nasir said as Duro closed the door to his room.

“Sometimes he knows too much for his own good,” Agron grumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured that was a good place to end it. I wanted to go on for longer, but 10 pages is pretty decent I think.  
> Sorry I haven't gone into Nasir's POV much, but I wanted to be in Agron's head for the reunion chat.  
> Hope you enjoyed it! You guys give this thing its life <3


	23. Needle & Thread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Strip away all the technology,  
> And you will see  
> That we are all hunters,  
> Hunting for something that will make us ok."  
> ~Needle & Thread, Sleeping At Last

Nasir was barely awake when Agron crawled into bed after checking on the horses, and only had a chance to feel the larger man’s arms snake around his chest before losing himself in sleep.

They woke in the same position, neither of them having moved much in the night. Uncharacteristically, Nasir woke before Agron, and got up to stagger into the bathroom. It was only when he looked at his tired self in the mirror before he realized he was standing on his foot - with minimal discomfort. He put more and more weight on it, and only stopped short of jumping, being reasonably sure that that would still hurt. 

Excited, he went back to the room, shaking Agron awake. He grumbled incoherently at first, but slowly opened his eyes.

“Agron! Agron! Look, I can walk again!” He took a victory lap around the room to emphasize, as Agron blearily rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Seeing the ease with which he walked, he jumped out of bed.

“Hey, excellent!” he exclaimed loudly, perhaps forgetting others might be still sleeping. A face peered around the corner of the doorway. It was Lyla.

“Hey guys, come down for breakfast,” she invited, sounding more than a little bit tired. Nasir looked over at the clock. It was 5 am. 

They both made their way to the kitchen, Nasir only limping minimally. Duro and Lyla were both sitting at the table, eating cereal.

“Sorry it’s nothing fancy, but you know, you gotta economize where you can,” Duro said. “Cabinet’s over there, take your pick. Also, there’s some coffee in the machine if you like.”

“Thanks,” Agron said. “Oh, do you also have tea?” Nasir knew he asked for his benefit.

“Yeah, just by the coffee maker. You’ll see it.”

They ate in silence, in part because they were all too tired to talk, and also because it was hard to negotiate a conversation around mouthfuls. Also, it wasn’t exactly polite. Nasir knew from experience that Agron had no qualms about eating and talking, but he sensed that he was acting more civilized in this particular setting. 

Lyla finished first, and went to go change and prepare herself for the day. Duro polished off the last of his, and followed suit. They both reappeared quickly, gathering the final items they’d need, like keys and leftovers from the fridge. At 5:45, Lyla left first, being the one who had to actually be somewhere on time. 

“It was really awesome to meet you, Agron. I hope to see you around more,” she said, wrapping Agron in a quick hug. “You too, Nasir,” she added, giving him a hug as well. “And I see you’re walking on that ankle, but don’t forget to keep icing it!”

“I won’t,” Nasir replied, just as she closed the door. 

“We should probably get out of your hair,” Agron said, getting up from his seat. “You have a store to run, and we’ve got a couple of horses who would love a walk.”

Nasir hadn’t had a chance to experience one, but he was certain that Agron was crap at goodbyes. He didn’t hear much beyond a garble of elevated voices downstairs the night before, but he assumed that he and Duro had made amends, judging by their demeanours. 

“That’s true,” Duro said, collecting his keys from a hook by the door. Neither of them had taken any of their belongings in last night, and so followed Duro out the door, who locked the door behind them and retrieved his bike from the side of the house.

“Oh man, you’ve gone full hipster,” Agron lamented.

“Shut it. The store’s only a half hour away by bike, and why pay for the gas?” Duro remarked cheerfully. They stood facing each other for a while, both knowing that this was probably the last they’d see of each other for perhaps months. “Hey, since you’re here, I might as well ask you in person...would you come to our wedding? And would you be my best man?”

Agron went stock-still, not saying a word. Eventually, he spoke, but the words came out half-strangled.

“Of course,” he replied. “Just give me the when and where.” Duro beamed at him.

“Next year, May 1st. It won’t be at a church, but I’ll give you the place once we have one nailed down.” Duro laid his bike down, and went to give Agron a departing embrace. This time, they both met with arms clapping each other on the back. Nasir allowed himself some internal praise for convincing Agron to come home.

“Before we part ways again...can I ask about Uncle?” Agron said slowly. Duro gave him a grave look, and Nasir braced himself in sympathy for what might follow that expression.

“It’s not good. He has severe dementia...I visit him often, and he recalls my name, but often mistakes me for you...sometimes he has no memory of who I am; who we are. You can visit if you like, but I warn you...it won’t be easy.” Agron’s expression turned steely. 

“Can I have the address?” he asked stoically. Duro nodded.

“Sure, I’ll text you the address.”

“I don’t have a phone, bro. Sorry. Not much use for one out in the boonies,” Agron said. Duro threw him an odd look.

“Now who’s the hipster?” Duro prodded.

“Ah, stuff it. There’s nothing wrong with a pen and paper.” Duro shook his head, half smiling, but pulled out a piece of paper and a pen from his pack, scrawling the address down and giving the page to Agron. 

“Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t remember you...and whatever you do, don’t get frustrated with him. Remember that he can’t help it,” Duro cautioned.

Agron nodded, looking up from the scrap of paper.

“It’s been fun,” he said, and clasped a hand to the base of Duro’s neck. There was something familiar about the gesture, and Nasir recognized it as something he must only do to those whom he loves most. All at once, he felt flattered that he’d been the recipient of such a gesture. 

Duro returned the gesture, giving a squeeze. “Don’t be a stranger.”

Apparently neither of them were good at goodbyes. Duro swung onto his bike, and before long, he was out of sight and down the street. Agron watched him go, then turned toward the truck, where Nasir was waiting with a smirk, despite the ire it might rouse. Spying his expression, Agron stopped short, and wagged a scolding finger at him.

“Don’t fucking say it.”

“What?” Nasir asked coyly. He knew very well what.

“You know.” His smirk widened. 

After checking that the horses were well and adequately provisioned, Agron climbed into the driver’s seat, and started the truck. Nasir leaned towards him slightly, and Agron took the hint. He held Nasir’s cheek gently, and turned his face to join their lips. Once they broke apart, Nasir took his chance.

“I told you so.” he whispered, and pulled away quickly before Agron could retaliate. Agron sighed in exasperation.

“Gods DAMN it, Nasir.” He couldn’t help but giggle.

\-------

As they pulled up to the address Duro had provided them with, Agron once again found himself preparing himself for another emotional reunion. He was beyond glad that he had patched things over with Duro, but he was unaccustomed to baring his feelings so openly.

“I doubt this would be much fun for you...stay with the horses? I’m just a bit nervous about them being in a public parking lot, any weirdo could waltz up and start messing with them,” Agron asked. “Also...if Uncle is really as bad as Duro said...I don’t know if a new face would confuse him further.”

“Are you sure? If you want someone to be with you, I’m sure the horses will be ok…”

“No, I think I’ll go it alone…” Nasir looked a bit dejected, so he added, “But know that there is none other I’d rather have by my side.” Agron walked up to him and kissed his forehead, then turned towards the entrance of the facility.

When he entered the door, he was uncomfortably greeted by all the unique scents of a hospital, even though it wasn’t one. It was an extended care facility, meant to provide care to those without families able to provide it. Families…

Suddenly, Agron was slammed by a whole new kind of guilt. If hadn’t left, maybe Duro wouldn’t have been forced to leave their Uncle in a place like this. Though his short term memory was going, he’d still “had all his marbles” when Agron left...he must have asked Duro where he was innumerable times, which must have made it doubly hard on his little brother...

He glanced at an old man sitting in a lobby chair with an oxygen tank beside him, gazing blankly at the blank wall across from him. He didn’t even look up as Agron walked past. Tears stung Agron’s eyes, but he willed them back in time to appear collected when talking to the receptionist. He was a young man, probably in his 20s, and looked up from his computer as Agron approached.

“Hi, uh...I’m looking for Alfred Hoch?” he asked.

“Are you a relative? Sorry, but it’s protocol to ask,” he explained, though not unkindly.

“Uh, yeah, I’m his nephew.”

“Really? I thought he only had one nephew...hang on...now that I look at you, you do look a lot like the other fella who comes to visit him. He’s up in room 36 in the L wing. I’ll call someone to escort you there,” he said.

“That’s not necessary, I’m sure I can find it on my own…” Agron rebuked.

“You don’t understand; the L wing is a locked wing. You’ll need someone with a key to let you in.”

“What the hell?! Why’s he in there?” Agron managed to keep his voice at a respectable level, but he was infuriated at the thought of his Uncle being locked up like some...animal. The receptionist looked at him sympathetically, holding the phone, finger poised to dial a number.

“That’s where all of our residents with severe dementia live; you have to understand: those folks don’t know if they’re 33 or 93. And if they can’t remember that, then sometimes they try to go to work, or to school, or back to their old homes...and if that happens, there’s a serious potential that they’ll be injured or otherwise endangered. It’s for their own good,” the young man explained. Grudgingly, Agron saw the logic. But it made him resent the fact that his uncle was here even more. He nodded briefly in agreement, not trusting himself to speak. The young man proceeded with the call.

“Hi Jim, I have someone here to visit Mr. Hoch. Ok, perfect. Thanks,” he said, hanging up the phone. “He’ll meet you by the doors, just go up the elevator to your right and press 2.” He smiled, but Agron still felt prickly, and didn’t smile back.

When he got out of the elevator, there was a man waiting for him.

“Jim?” he asked.

“Yep. Follow me.” They followed the hall to a set of big blue doors, and Jim unlocked one, holding it for Agron as he passed. “Just tell the guard in here when you want out,” he instructed.

“Thanks,” Agron bit out. He was already upset about the state his uncle was in, but now this was just the icing on the shit cake.

An old lady approached him rapidly, with a nurse in scrubs tailing her.

“Have you seen my Tom??” she asked, clutching his sleeve, eyes wide with panic. “I let him out last night, and now he’s gone…” Agron had no idea how to respond, and so stood there, looking into to the old woman’s rheumy eyes.

“Mrs. Weatherby, please, come with me,” the nurse pleaded calmly.

“But my Tom…” the old lady said, turning to her and releasing Agron’s sleeve.

“It’s alright, let me help you,” the nurse assured. She gave Agron an apologetic smile he’d only seen on people having trouble keeping their children in check. He nodded slightly, in acknowledgement. He wondered who Tom was, but then assumed he must have been a pet of some sort, probably long since dead. To be cursed to relive the news of a loved one’s death over and over and over...Agron thought that death would be a kinder fate. 

And then it hit him. Had he done that to his uncle? Condemned him to ask where he was day after day after day, wounding not only him, but Duro, repeatedly? He physically staggered at the idea. No fancy words from anyone would ever allow him to forgive himself...if that was the case. Suddenly, he was terrified to meet his uncle, and yet needed to see him more than anything else in the world. He took a deep breath, and steadied himself, finding room #36 with ease. He knocked.

He heard movement inside, and suddenly, his uncle’s face was peering around the door. Upon seeing his face, it brightened instantly.

“Agron...you’re back! Come in, come in! Let me look at you!” He all but pulled Agron inside, and once they were in, he stood back and examined him. “Still strong as ever. You’re hide’s a bit darker, though.” He pulled him in for a hug, and it rivalled the strength of Duro’s. Agron was surprised. He had been expecting a look of non-recognition, not a warm welcome.

“You...know me?” Agron asked. His uncle made the noise he always did when he was slightly offended, a “tsk” sound and a sharp inhale.

“Of course I do! I know my memory ain’t what it used to be, but you got another thing coming if you think I’d forget my boy.” Agron couldn’t help it; his eyes watered, and then started spouting tears faster than he could blink them back. “What’s wrong, son?” he asked, concerned.

“I just want to say that I’m sorry...so sorry, for everything...for all the crap I put you and Duro through, and for leaving, not saying goodbye…” He looked at his uncle, and saw a blank expression overtake the man’s aged face.

“Uncle?” he asked. He seemed to snap out of it, and his eyes lit with excitement once more.

“Agron!” This time, he started crying. “You’re back...we thought we’d never see you again! Oh, my son!” he exclaimed, reaching out to embrace him. 

Agron accepted the hug and returned it with mutual enthusiasm, but his uncle didn’t see or hear him shedding silent tears over his shoulder.

\-----

When Agron came out, Nasir had the hatch door of the horse trailer opened, with Russ’ head leaning out. He felt bad to have them cooped up for so long, and though they seemed placid enough, he knew he wouldn’t want to be trapped in a metal can going somewhere strange.

There were dried tears on the big man’s face, and Nasir immediately surmised that it had been as hard as he was anticipating. He didn’t ask questions, sensing that Agron wouldn’t feel like talking about it...at least, not until he was ready. 

He didn’t ask when Agron wrapped him in a fierce hug, but there was a strange air around the action...almost as if it were meant to anchor Nasir to him, to prevent him from floating away. Nasir returned the gesture, folding his arms around Agron’s waist. 

He stayed silent as he climbed into the driver seat, obviously leaving it to Nasir to shut the door of the horse trailer. He did so, and joined Agron in the truck.

They were 50 clicks out of town before Agron said anything.

“He remembered me...and then forgot me. About three times. Every time, he started crying, saying how scared he and Duro had been for me. He re-lived that separation, Nasir. Probably countless times per day. And by extension, Duro as well.” He ground his jaw and clutched the steering wheel until his knuckles were white. Nasir placed his hand over one of them.

“Agron, you came back. You and Duro worked it out. And yes, that might have been a blow for your uncle, but it’s in the past.” As soon as he said it, Nasir knew it was the wrong thing to say.

“Not to him it’s not. The fact is that I hurt him, and because of me and my selfishness, he has to re-live that, numerous times, every. single. day. So no, it is not water under the fucking bridge!” Agron slammed his other hand on the steering wheel in his anger, startling Nasir. Agron took note, and immediately, the tension leaked from his shoulders.

“I’m sorry. I’m angry at myself...you shouldn’t have to be subject to it as well,” Agron apologized. Nasir was thinking on a response, and considered it carefully before voicing it.

“It was the wrong thing to say. I too am sorry. You’ll probably feel this for the rest of your life, it’s true...but can you forgive yourself somehow? Perhaps in the knowledge that you were genuinely convinced it was for their own good at the time you left?” Nasir suggested. Agron shook his head.

“That excuse is dead. You helped me expose it for what it was: a hollow, cowardly lie I fed to not only myself, but my family as well.” Privately, Nasir was impressed by how Agron had developed in that respect.

“You know that now. But what about the you from six years ago?”

“I’m still me, am I not? I can’t just shirk my shortcomings off on the stupidity of my youth. No, this is my sin, and I have to live with it.” Nasir knew he wasn’t getting very far.

“I believe you are a good man, Agron. From what I know of you, you’re one of the best. It’s not the failings of the past that define us, but it’s who you choose to be right now. You went back, despite your fears and hesitance.”

Agron threw him a bizarre look. It was equal parts guilt, pain, and love. “Because of you.”

“You could have easily gone west from Edmonton. No, Agron, the wheel was in your hands. I didn’t reconcile with your brother, you did. You knocked on his door. It was all you,” Nasir explained, hoping some of it was hitting home.

“You gave me the courage I needed; the reason.” Nasir wondered why he had chosen such a stubborn person to get involved with. Seeing that he was gaining no ground, he let the comment lie. 

The road stretched endlessly on into the distance before them, and bizarrely, Nasir got the distinct feeling that he was heading home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More heavy family stuff, I know...sorry! My mom works with old people for a living, and she tells me stories of people with severe dementia. My grandma also has it, thought not as badly as Agron's uncle. So that's where I draw my knowledge from.
> 
> I'm really inconsistent about naming chapters...apologies!  
> Thank you all endlessly, you really fan the flames of this story <3


	24. Hooking On

The road back was long, but fortunately there were many things to draw the eye. Nasir had always loved the lands just before the mountains, with rolling foothills and copses of trees scattered on their backs. Of course the mountains proper were the king of all landscapes in his mind, but the foothills would always hold a special place in his heart.

Towards the beginning of the trip, Nasir would doggedly ensure that the next song to play from his music selection was suitable, but now, he let it play without feeling the need to be so doggedly selective. 

His ankle had stopped hurting altogether, and walking was getting easier and easier seemingly by the hour. When they stopped for a quick break, he had no trouble walking beside Thelonius as they stretched the horses’ legs on a roadside pullout. 

As they gathered themselves back into the vehicle, Agron gave him a strange smile.

“What?” Nasir asked.

“You’ll be fit to do chores once we get back, and I don’t see why you wouldn’t be able to ride,” he explained. He made a bizarre noise of excitement, saying, “I can’t wait until you can ride by yourself! What a thrill it is.”

Nasir returned his words with a fond smile, suddenly feeling nervous at the prospect of riding a horse - alone. Especially one so big as Thelonius. And one so...unpredictable. 

“I’m honestly...not so sure. I mean, I didn’t exactly pick the easiest horse for my first solo ride, did I?” 

“Well, no, but you can work with him on the ground while getting used to the reflexes a rider needs on another horse, one of our starter horses. No one’s expecting you to go from 0 to 100 in a week, Nasir,” Agron reassured. Nasir scoffed.

“Good, because it won’t happen.”

“But I do expect you to give yourself a little bit more credit. I know how hard it is to overcome fears, and you’ve done really well.” Suddenly Nasir felt bad. Of course Agron knew what it was to be scared, and to have to overcome those fears.

“I...sorry.” It was awkward, but he felt it needed to be said. The look he got in return was one of pure confusion. 

“For what?” Agron asked.

“Uh...for whining about being afraid so much. I mean, of course you know what it’s like to beat your fears out of necessity…” Nasir replied, absently tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.

“Ok, look at me. No, actually look,” Agron began, and Nasir turned. He spared the glances he could over his shoulder. “You don’t ever have to feel like you can’t express things to me, ok? I’ll respect whatever you decide to tell me. Yes, I do know what it’s like to live in fear and overcome that, but that does not mean your fears are invalid. This ain’t a pissing contest.”

He was stunned momentarily at the depth of Agron’s words, and the compassion that ran beneath them. He couldn’t come up with anything to say in response.

He settled for “I’ll remember that…” 

\--------------------

Ordinarily Agron would never speak so frankly to anyone, but if anything, that trip and the various reunions had taught him that open and frank was the best way to gain any ground. Although, he was most comfortable when it was on his own terms. 

“So...friend?” Nasir asked, completely out of the blue. Agron wasn't sure what he was asking.

“What?”

“When we met your relations, both times, you introduced me as a friend. I guess I was just...wondering. What are...that is, what is this?” He looked over to the smaller man, and despite the blush on his cheeks, he was looking resolutely at him. He was not prepared for this at all. Although, it would be a lie to say he hadn’t wondered himself. 

“Well...what do you think it is?” This caused Nasir to throw his hands up in exasperation.

“I was hoping for some input! That’s why I ask!” he answered, managing to emphasize without sounding accusatory.

“You said you wanted to stay. I think my question would be why,” Agron asked. “Is that a fair place to start?” Nasir nodded. 

“Yeah, ok. Well...I’d be lying if I said it was simply due to the beauty of the place, because...uh, honestly, it was mostly because of you.” The last part was barely audible as Nasir’s words disappeared into the window. But Agron heard well enough.

“And I want to be with you...wherever the road may go,” Agron confided. Nasir turned and quirked an eyebrow.

“Even if it leads you out of your mountain sanctuary?”

“Well...yes. It wouldn’t be my ideal, but I’d try it...for you.” He surprised Agron by starting to chuckle. “What?” he asked again, feeling a frown crease his forehead.

“We’ve barely known each other 2 weeks! This is so...I don’t know, nothing has ever come on to me this fast and this strong before. I keep thinking it’s simple infatuation, but when I search myself, I know in my gut that it’s deeper than that. You fascinate me and I want to know you...in all possible ways.” Agron tried very hard to restrain his physical response to these words.

“And I you...I’ve never felt like this before, ever. I’m not sure you’d understand, but this almost feels...pre-destined. Like it was truly meant to be.”

Neither of them were ready to drop the three big words just yet, but both held the sense that something more binding than simple interest was beginning to weave them together.

“This is good...but I suppose it doesn’t help the label question, does it?” Nasir prompted.

“No, I guess not...I’m cool with calling this a bona-fide relationship...if you are,” he suggested hesitantly.

Nasir flashed him his warmest smile. “I’m totally fine with that.”

He didn’t have time for more than a simple peck on Nasir’s cheek, though he very much would have liked more.

\--------

When they rolled into the driveway, it was well past dark. Nasir was out cold, but Agron decided to leave him for a few minutes while he got Russ, Thelonius, and his things out of the vehicle. He figured Myra would be asleep, and so decided he’d show her the new additions later on the next day. 

He put Russ away first, without any fuss from the new horse. He guessed he was just as tired as the rest of them, and so he willingly went into the strange new stall, but not without an initial sniff. Agron wasn’t in a hurry, and let the the gelding take his time. He made a mental note to put a make-shift sign up for the new guys tomorrow. 

When he got to Thelonius, the big paint was considerably less compliant. His eyes rolled, flashing the whites of his eyes, and Agron sighed inwardly, knowing that this wouldn’t be easy. But, he let his frustration slide away, and adopt the stance of patience that one must when dealing with a difficult horse. Eventually, he lowered his head and relaxed some, and even let Agron lead him out of the trailer a few paces. 

But then, curse his luck, something made a branch snap in the trees surrounding the driveway, and the horse backed into the trailer completely, giving a squeal of alarm, eyes once again flashing white. He even half-reared, making Agron stagger backwards. It was taking all the patience he had to resist giving the leadrope a good yank to correct him, but he knew from experience that it wouldn’t work.

“Could I try?” came a sleepy voice from behind him. He nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Nasir! Holy shit, man, I didn’t hear you get out of the truck…”

“Sorry,” he answered, giving an apologetic half-smile. He held out his hands for the rope.

“You sure?” Agron asked.

“Yes, hand it over.” Agron obliged. Nasir began speaking in hushed tones, walking towards the big horse. Agron was amazed at how much confidence his man showed, despite the spooked horse ready to take off in his hands. It was like he’d known Thelonius all his life.

And remarkably, the gelding reciprocated. He calmed right down, and Agron couldn’t stop the huff of poorly-concealed envy from escaping his lungs. Nasir looked back at him, and adopted a Cheshire grin, revealing how pleased he was with himself. He led the horse down into the barn with only the bare minimum of hesitance, and led him into the stall next to Russ. Once he was allowed to smell Russ, he seemed more willing to accept his new home. 

Once the door rolled shut, Agron must have had...some kind of expression on his face, because Nasir asked, “What?”

“Nothing. Just...that was amazing! From now on, you deal with him. Ok?”

“What’s this? Agron, afraid of a horse?” Nasir prodded, goading grin plastered on his face.

“Not afraid, you little shit! It’s called picking your battles!” Agron responded, trapping Nasir under his arm and scruffing his hair with the other hand. “Now...bed, yes?” Agron proposed, releasing him.

“That sounds amazing,” Nasir sighed.

They didn’t even bother to retrieve their things from the truck. They snuck in as quietly as possible, tiptoeing up the stairs, and resisting erupting into a fit of giggles when Agron made the floor-board creak like an old man wheezing. There was only enough energy in either man to strip down to their boxers and crawl into Agron’s slightly-too-small-for-two bed. 

Both were asleep in minutes, further soothed by the rhythmic beating of each other’s hearts.

\-----

By the time they woke the next morning, the sun had made its way well into the sky. Nasir awoke first, and propped himself up on one elbow, admiring the beauty of the man beside him. 

He was perfect, in the way that imperfect things always are. And he realized the only reason he could gaze on such perfection was because all the covers were firmly wound around himself. 

It had been so long since he’d habitually slept in the same bed as anyone, and he’d forgotten that he was a blanket-hog. Poor Agron was huddled close to him, probably trying to glean whatever warmth he could from the man next to him and the sparse sheet that presently covered him. He still slept soundly, despite the fact. Nasir took pity on him and pulled his half of the blanket back over him, and almost immediately a more relaxed expression took to his features.

It had also been a long time since Nasir had felt like this. That little...twinge in his heart, an ache, and yet pleasant, and somehow not little at all. It was at times like this he feels he could sing to the heavens and ascend to the next plane of existence purely by the force of his love. 

But somehow, he was equally content to just lie there, rest his head on the pillow once more, and let the knowledge that he was happy here envelop him like the physical warmth that now surrounded him. He didn’t go back to sleep, but instead nestled in closer to Agron to better savour the moment. 

\-------

Agron opened his eyes to find Nasir cuddled close to his chest, his own arm draped over his lover’s neck. And he also found a pair of dark eyes peering at him from just over the edge of the blanket.

“Morning,” he greeted, voice gruff from sleep. Nasir smiled at him like he was the most beautiful thing in existence, and touched their noses together. Agron was hard pressed to not return the smile. He felt like he’d slept more deeply than he had in years, and couldn’t get enough of the feeling that he was safe. With someone who cared. There’s a million things he could say in that moment, but instead he decides on, “I guess we should greet the day.”

Nasir groaned and pressed even closer into Agron, burying his face in his chest. “Do we have to?” 

“Unfortunately,” Agron confirmed, still smiling. He stroked Nasir’s long hair, luxuriating in how it felt between his fingers. Nasir sighed, tickling his chest hairs.

“I could stay like this forever,” he mumbled, so quietly it almost disappeared in Agron’s chest. 

“Me too, little man,” he answered, equally as quietly. “But alas, we have horses to tend to.” 

“I suppose,” Nasir conceded. His hands trailed absently over Agron’s scars, and instinctively, he stiffened. The hands withdrew immediately, and so did Nasir, though only to the edge of the bed. 

“Sorry...I didn’t realize…” he started to apologize.

“No...it’s ok. Here,” Agron allowed, guiding the hands back to where they were. He was surprised to find that he didn’t feel hesitant at all as Nasir’s gentle fingers traced the knotted lines. The memory of the physical pain was only half of his reluctance to allow anyone to touch him there; the mental reminders also flared up when any notice of the marks was taken.

Nasir started to move back to his former position, only slightly farther away so he could see where he was touching.

“Recovery must have been a long process,” he commented. 

“Nah,” Agron replied, scrunching his face in emphasis. “The routine chores around here helped me get my strength back...I sort of neglected myself after I got back, as you’ve heard.” And there it was. That flash of pity. But that wasn’t the only thing in Nasir’s eyes. There was something else.

“I wish I had been there…” 

“No. No, you really don’t. I walked out on all the people I cared about, remember? I didn’t need a saviour, or a hero. I just needed time.” He must have sounded harsher than he meant to, because Nasir looked stung. “But I believe you found me right when we needed each other. Right?”

“Yeah...I guess so,” Nasir said, still looking put-out. Agron hated to see him so.

“I’m glad you’re here now.” He brightened a bit at that.

“So am I.”

“Now, shall we venture downstairs? I think I smell pancakes,” Agron proposed.

“Sure.” And the smile returned to grace his lover's - his _boyfriend's_ \- face.  
\--

When they got downstairs, Agron’s suspicions were confirmed. There was a stack of blueberry pancakes waiting for them on the table, with a cheery-looking Myra standing over the stove, spatula in hand. 

“Good morning, boys! Pancakes suit you ok?”

“Just fine, Myra, thank you,” Agron replied. She always made a big show of breakfast whenever he got back from somewhere far away. He loved it, and returned the favour when she returned from long journeys

“Yes, wow! Thank you so much!” Nasir added, looking equally enthusiastic. Myra glowed with the praise, and they pulled up to the table.

“My pleasure!” she all but chirped. “So, what did you find, Agron?”

“Well...that’s a story and a half. So We get to Andrea’s place, and she shows me the prospects for us, and at first, this big, dark paint catches my eye, but he didn’t seem socially up-to-snuff, you know? So instead, I settled on a buckskin called Russ. Nasir on the other hand...well, he hears about the paint’s story, and immediately wants to say hi, crutches and all-”

“Oh yeah! You’re better now, are you?” Myra interrupted.

“Yes, thank you,” Nasir said around a mouthful of pancake. Agron raised one eyebrow at her.

“Sorry,” she said.

“It’s ok. So, Nasir’s going up to this horse over the fence, and something startles him, resulting in Nasir falling…” Catching sight of Nasir’s prohibitive gaze, he decided to leave the ‘right on his ass’ part out. “...over. But! Get this! Nervous as he is around horses, he goes right up to the bugger once we have him out of the paddock, and does something...I don’t know what, but they just...clicked. And so, we brought him home too.” Myra’s good humour evaporated. 

“But...Agron! You know we can’t afford an extra horse! How will we feed him? Oh, I wish you hadn’t-”

“Actually...Nasir bought him. And will continue to pay for him, or so he’s promised me,” he explained, looking to him for approval. Nasir gave a nod, perhaps deeming it too uncouth to speak with his mouth full a second time. 

Myra raised her eyebrows, and looked at Nasir. “But...I thought you were scared of horses!”

He swallowed hastily. “I am. I was. But Thelonius is different. Yeah, he’s feisty and a bit…” he trailed off, looking to Agron for the word.

“Spooky?” 

“Yeah, spooky. But I just have the sense we can work this out together. I don’t know where it comes from, but it just seemed...natural.” Agron grinned at Myra.

“Just wait til you see them together, it’s amazing!” She quirked an eyebrow in doubt. 

“Well, finish up. You’ve roused my curiosity.” Agron shared a conspiratorial look with Nasir. 

\---

After they had cleaned up inside, they went to fetch the new guys from the barn to bring them into the corral. It was a small, circular fenced-off area where they could work with the horses one-on-one, or to hold them outside in a pinch. 

Agron had Russ saddled up, and was putting him through the paces in the safety of the corral. Myra looked on, impressed.

“You know, he’s always so good with the new horses. Somehow he just makes them feel right at home,” she said to Nasir, who was watching from behind the fence right beside her. Thelonius was tied to the fence, happily grazing. 

“Oh yeah? He keeps mentioning how he was clumsy around them when he first got here...but I can’t see it. How can that turn into that?” he emphasized, indicating Agron’s flawless riding form. Myra giggled.

“Oh, trust me. It was funny. It took him a good few months to get used it.” Suddenly her expression turned serious. “I was worried about him when he first got here. He looked like he’d come out of some long, dark tunnel. I kept my distance at first, sort of scared to trust him too much, but he came through in fine style. As I’m sure you’re probably aware.”

Nasir nodded. “I haven’t heard the whole story, but I know life was rough for him for a long time…”

Myra snorted, not unlike a horse. Nasir wondered if that was due to her constant interaction with them, or if it simply happened that way naturally. “And you’ll be lucky to ever hear the whole story. I’ve only ever heard what he mumbles after I have to wake him up from a nightmare.”

Nasir frowned. “Nightmares?” Myra looked genuinely surprised.

“He hasn’t had one while you were there? I thought for sure, with all the nights you’ve spent together…”

“No, not one. He explained what happened to him though, in the war, and had a pretty serious panic attack when we were getting to know each other. Though I suppose nightmares are just part of the deal, eh?” 

Myra still gaped at him. “He actually _told_ you?? In _words_?? Nasir, I’m not sure you realize how big this is...he must really, really trust you. He’s never told me anything, and I’ve never asked.” Nasir blushed from the praise.

It was then that they noticed Agron looking at them from the other side of the ring. 

“What are you two muttering about?” he asked teasingly.

“Oh, not much. Just you,” Myra called back.

“Me?”

“I’m just telling Nasir how lucky he is,” she clarified. Agron shrugged, as if to say 'yeah he is'. Nasir couldn’t help it; he giggled.

“You’re next,” Agron said in a voice that was mock-menacing, indicating Thelonius. Determined to keep the appearance that he was cool and collected around this horse, he gathered up the leadrope, and led him into the ring with Agron, who dismounted and passed Russ’ reins off to Myra. Agron picked up a long whip that was leaning against the fence.

“Now, I suppose you’ve never seen a free-lunge before?” he asked.

“No. Uh, you’re not gonna hit him with that, are you?” he asked, genuinely concerned that this was how horses were trained. Agron looked horrified and slightly offended.

“Gods, Nasir! No! The whip never touches the horse when we do this. Here, just watch.” Agron unclipped the rope from Thelonius’ halter, and pushed him away from where they were standing in the center. The horse moved to the edges of the confine, and looked at them, unsure of what to do. Agron raised the whip, but only to hip-level, and swung it out gently directly behind the gelding. He shied, and burst into a full gallop, eventually being forced to a canter by the diminutive size of the enclosure.

Nasir was alarmed. He had no idea that a horse - that any animal, in fact - could go that fast from a standstill. The thought of being on its back if they decided to do that unbidden...he felt the blood leave his face. Agron noticed, turning his attention towards him momentarily.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, voice laden with concern.

“It’s just...really fast.” 

“That’s what this is for,” he said, turning his attention back towards Thelonius, “to rid them of excess energy. He’s full of beans right now. Remember, he’s been cooped up in a trailer and then a stall. He’s got almost two days worth of energy to get rid of here.” 

He nodded, suddenly feeling better. He supposed he’d want to stretch out a bit after so long in a tight space. 

Agron let him run, and it was truly a fantastic spectacle, if intimidating. Nasir stuck extremely close to Agron’s side, and was beginning to get dizzy from turning in circles to watch. But then, Agron switched which hand the whip was in, and the horse turned, almost on a dime, and charged in the other direction. 

“He knows his commands, that’s for sure,” Agron commented. 

It was a good 5 minutes before he calmed down enough to do anything below a canter, but eventually, his pace shifted down. Agron made a sound in order to slow him, which sounded much like “hooooo”. Nasir was still standing quite close to him, and could practically feel the vibrations the sound was giving off. Not only did it calm Thelonius, it calmed Nasir as well. 

The gelding finally broke into a trot, and after a few rounds of that, Agron brought him down to a walk. He was dropping his head and snorting, massive ribs expanding and contracting rapidly. 

“See that? Dropping of the head means he’s done; that he’s had enough. It’s a sign of contentment.” Agron held his free arm out, and said, “Whoa.”   
Thelonius stopped. 

“Now, watch this.” Agron went up to the panting horse, and lightly touched his halter where the leadrope would attach, and walked forward. Thelonius followed, even without the lead attached. Agron stopped, and so did the horse. He broke into a jog, and Thelonius trotted beside him. He stopped, switched directions, and even weaved in an “s” pattern, and the horse shadowed his every step. 

Nasir was impressed. “Whoa...do you think I could do that?”

“Come here and find out.” Nasir imitated what Agron did, touching the halter where the ring for the lead was placed, and moving forward, watching the horse all the while. He didn’t move.

“Uh uh, look forward. Look where you’re going. Horsemanship 101,” Agron supplied. 

Nasir took his advice, and immediately Thelonius started following. He stopped, and so did the horse. He turned, sped up, slowed down, and Thelonius mirrored his every move. It was an exhilarating feeling, being so in control without ever touching him. He patted the horse on the shoulder appreciatively, not even batting an eye at the sweat on the smooth hair that transferred to his hand. From what he’d learned of horses, he looked completely calm.

“You want to walk him out?” Agron asked.

“Sure. I’ll be here,” he replied.

He spent the next half hour walking his horse around the ring, speaking to him quietly, all without a second glance at the leadrope.

Not far off, Agron shook his head in wonder. He couldn’t believe how far his little man had come.  
\------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the title for this chapter off of a song from the movie "The Horse Whisperer". It's a great movie, but really sad, so if you like crying, I recommend it. But it is a very beautiful movie.
> 
> Sorry for the delay! I'm finding it difficult to land any substantial amount of writing time, so if this sounds fragmented, that's why. I also don't have a beta, so all editing is done by me.  
> Thank you all <3


	25. Chapter 25

The days that followed were equal parts frustrating and rewarding for Nasir. On one hand, he was making great progress with Thelonius, but on the other, he was still petrified at the thought of riding. 

And today was the day. His ankle was fully healed, or so the doctor had said, and he hadn’t had any trouble with it in recent days. 

“Quit,” Nasir reprimanded Thelonius as he groomed him. The gelding had a habit of pawing the ground when made to stand still; an indication of his displeasure and boredom. 

Agron had said he’d start him off with the basics on Spartan first. Both of them felt that it would be better for him to start there, since he had already (kind of) ridden Spartan. The only difference would be that he would be alone this time. 

He was done with his own horse for the day, and so turned him back out into the pasture with the rest of the herd. Thelonius was having a rough time trying to find his place in the herd hierarchy, but slowly, he was starting to make friends. Spartan was among them. 

His own horse. It still felt surreal, when he repeated the words back to himself. 

As Nasir re-entered the barn to put the halter away, he heard hoofed footfalls on the gravel just outside the barn doors. Agron had returned from taking Russ on his introductory ride on the trails, and didn’t look like things had gone amiss. But...that meant that his private lesson was impending.

As soon as Agron’s eyes adjusted to the dimness, he flashed Nasir a wide grin. 

“All went well?” Nasir inquired, damning the butterflies in his chest. 

“He’s an absolute dream. If I wasn’t so happy with Spartan, I might just make him my horse exclusively.” He happened to be standing right outside Spartan’s stall, who had his head peeking out in curiosity. Agron reached out and rubbed his nose. “Don’t worry buddy. I won’t betray you. Just give me a minute, and then I can watch as you tack up Spartan. If that’s ok?”

No. No it most definitely wasn’t. “Fine, fine.” 

Agron had taken Nasir under his wing in terms of teaching him about life around horses, and among the things he’d been learning was how to saddle and bridle them. He’d come to learn that most of the horses got angry when he’d go to tighten their cinch, and Agron had explained it was because some asshole had probably yanked it too hard at some point in their life - and horses never forget. But, thanks to his lessons, he now knew that going very slowly and gently made the situation a lot better for the horse, and if they still turned to nip at him, he could push their head away with no adverse effects. He was learning to stand his ground, even when scared.

He returned to the present as Agron met him in front of Spartan’s stall. 

“So. You ready?” he asked.

“Not in the least,” Nasir replied honestly. “Let’s do this.”

Despite a few minor oversights, he tacked up the gelding with waxing confidence. At this point, his desire to get over his fear was greater than his reservation, but his resolve fluctuated at a rapid pace as worst-case scenarios ran through his head. 

As they walked into the sunlight and towards the corral, he was beginning to lose his calm. He knew from experience that once he did the thing he was scared about, he felt much better, but this...this was big.

“You know Spartan, Nasir. He won’t try anything. I’ll be right here,” Agron assured him, grasping his arm. Nasir nodded mutely.

They closed the gate, and parked Spartan close to the middle of the corral. Agron kneeled down to give him a leg-up, and silently, Nasir prayed he couldn’t feel him shaking in the simple contact.

He swung up and over, and before he knew it, he was astride a horse, alone, for the first time since he was a child.

\----

Agron could plainly tell Nasir was nervous. Not only had he told him so, but his face was now as white as a sheet - very far from his normal colour. The man seemed frozen now that he was up, unsure of what to do. 

Wanting to avoid such a freeze-up, he instructed, “Hold the reins like this.” He put his hands in the proper position, lingering until Nasir looked down at him. “Hey. You’ve got this. You’ve grown so much in the past few days, I have complete confidence in you.” He rubbed his thumb across his boyfriend’s hand, trying to exude the confidence he needed. Finally, he cracked a ghost of a smile, and gave Spartan a very timid squeeze with his legs. 

Obediently, the horse moved forward, seeming to sense that his rider was nervous. Nasir’s eyes bulged, and he immediately grabbed for the horn of the saddle, despite Spartan’s sedated pace.

“Ok, first things first: steering. The horse usually knows where he or she is going, but steering is essential. For now, we’ll stick to your hands. There’s a whole other world to steering with your legs, but I figure you don’t need the added confusion just now. So, to steer left, pull your left rein. To go right, pull the right one. Try it now, turn toward me.” 

He was standing in the center, and Nasir pulled the rein gently, not garnering much of a response.

“Not so timid, he can barely feel you!” Nasir responded by increasing the pressure on the rein, but not by much. Spartan turned, now walking towards him. “Excellent!” Nasir brightened at the praise, if only a little bit. “Now, turn him back onto the track.”

Nasir was still ashen-faced, but slowly, Agron could see he was becoming less and less rigid. He closely watched his torso as he loosened up, trying his best not to let his thoughts wander.

 _Focus,_ he chided himself.

“So, switch directions now. Even if you weren’t new at this, it’s good to switch which direction you’re going if you’re working in a ring. That way both sides of the horse get worked. That’s right, yank him right around.” Nasir did so, and with minimal hesitation. “Would you like to move up to a trot, or is that pushing it for the day?”

“Uh...sure, yeah, I think I can manage,” he answered. Without Agron even saying anything, he gave another squeeze, and Spartan moved up into an easy trot. Nasir staggered and grabbed for the horn, once again seized up, and this caused Spartan to return to a walk. What Nasir needed was for him to keep going so he could figure it out, but it seemed his mount was just too damn polite.

“Ok, I was going to start you off with me leading, so that doesn’t happen. Do you know why he did that?” Agron asked, as he approached. Spartan stopped, deferring to the more familiar command of Agron.

“No,” Nasir answered, looking frustrated.

“It’s because you seized up and wobbled. He thought you were going to fall off, and stopped so you wouldn’t,” Agron explained.

“Well, I’m sorry I’m not some prodigy. Next time I’m trying not to fall off, I’ll remember to stay perfectly still,” Nasir hissed. Ok, so he was extremely frustrated. Agron ignored the acid in his voice. The absolute last thing they needed was an inconsequential argument right now. 

“I wasn’t critiquing you, just explaining what happened and why. Alright?” Nasir nodded, but his expression retained its irritated set. Agron grabbed the reins, and said, “Ok, now squeeze him again. Don’t worry, do what you need to. I’ll keep him going.”

He did so, and Spartan complied beautifully, Agron matching his pace at a jog. Nasir clutched at the horn again at first, but after a few times around the ring, he straightened up, and lost the air of fear that had pervaded the entire experience thus far. 

“This - is stu-pidly boun-cy,” he huffed out in between Spartan’s (admittedly choppy) trot strides.

“Try relaxing. Not just in your mind, but imagine you’re a...um…” Agron grasped for a good analogy, now breathing heavily. “A kitten, being picked up by its mother. You know, that thing they do by the scruff of the neck? Don’t lose your form, but otherwise, go limp.”

“Woah, that makes a difference. Any other tips I should know?” Nasir inquired, appearing to let go of his frustration.

“Well, I could teach you about rising, but that’s more of an english thing. It does make a bouncy trot much nicer, though. But all in good time. Do you think you could keep going, or do you want to leave it there?” Agron proposed, now talking in between heaves.

“Let go,” Nasir said.

“You sure?”

“Just do it.” Agron did, and Spartan kept going, though his pace started to flag as Agron moved back to the center. 

“Give him a kick! Now! Before he stops!” Agron instructed. Nasir did...but he took his advice a bit too literally. He raised his legs off the horse and kicked him, not hard, but abruptly. Spartan startled into a canter, and Nasir grabbed the horn and held on for dear life.

“You’re fine, you’re fine! Take the reins back - that’s it, now pull! Relax!” He scolded himself for not watching how he phrased his instruction.

“HOLY FUCK!!” Nasir yelled. Ok, so maybe relaxing was out of the question at this point. 

“Ok, take one rein and yank it towards me or the fence, I don’t care which! Now!” Nasir chose the inside rein, and pulled the cantering horse right to Agron, who steadied himself and slowed Spartan down, pulling him to a halt at last. 

“You alright?” Agron asked, reaching up to his lover’s arm.

“Please just let me off,” Nasir whimpered. 

“Ok, here,” Agron said, raising his arms to catch Nasir as he slid down. Once he was on the ground again, he grabbed the gelding’s reins. “Now: are you alright?” he repeated.

“Yeah, sure...I can’t wait for next time,” he answered, visibly shaking.

“Well, you know what they say about falling off horses…”

“I know, I know. But I didn’t fall off,” he asserted, eyes fixing on Agron’s.

“Principle still stands,” he replied. Nasir looked nervous still, but the determination never left, and that’s what mattered.

\-------

Three days went by in a similar pattern: wake up, tend the horses, give Nasir a lesson. They worked for hours, and slowly, Nasir lost his fear and learned confidence. Agron had finally gotten him to a point where he said he’d be comfortable working with Thelonius. However, there was still one thing he wanted to do.

They’d spent as little time as possible preparing and eating breakfast, settling for cold cereal. Not gourmet, but at least it was calories.

“Ok, here’s the plan: I’ll ride Spartan, and you can follow me walking Thelonius. I want to be sure he’ll be alright on the trails. It won’t be long, we’ll return before sundown.” Agron had to give Nasir props for not looking the least bit bored or fed up. He earnestly wanted to learn this, and Agron suspected it wasn’t purely because he said he would. It was a matter of pride, and maybe, just maybe, a little bit about trying to impress his boyfriend. 

“Alright,” Nasir agreed.

“I think we should saddle him up, though. We know he’s fine with being tacked, but we don’t know if he’ll take it for the long hours of a day on the trail,” Agron reasoned, causing Nasir to eye him suspiciously.

“You’re not going to make me ride him yet, are you? You said tomorrow…”

“I’d never make you do anything you don’t want to. Don’t worry, we’ll stick with the original plan.” He saw the tension leave Nasir’s shoulders. 

“Let’s hit the trail then,” he said, flashing a grin. He was excited. True, he roamed the trails all year long, but there was never a day where he regretted spending the time doing so. He had read in a book somewhere that beauty would save the world, and he found himself inclined to agree. Beauty came in many forms, and one of them was walking beside him, leading his horse. He was excited to get back to the home the trails had provided him with, but he was doubly excited because Nasir was at his side.

The particular trail they were going on today wasn’t the same as the one where he and Nasir had first exchanged words, but instead a different path leading to a small lake. It was a favourite for runs like this: training new horses, and new recruits. 

They set out in the early morning, the sun not yet high enough to burn away the remaining clouds of dawn. The colours of the sunrise had since faded, but a faint pink cast remained on the lower clouds. 

Agron kept his pace slow and deliberate, letting Nasir and Thelonius take the lead. He noted the gelding’s dislike for his proximity when he approached them, and so kept his distance between Thelonius and his own mount. However, other than that, the horse seemed made for the trail. He didn’t so much as turn his head when the trees made strange noises, but instead merely cocked an ear and kept on, putting his faith in Nasir’s lead and judgement. Agron guessed that he’d never make a good pack horse, and decided he’d be better strictly as a saddle horse. 

The distance that had to be maintained between them made for a quiet journey, but Agron didn’t mind. It was nice to be back to the quiet of the forest. 

\-------

After roughly 4 hours of walking, suddenly the canopy of the forest broke and revealed more light. Nasir guessed that it was because they were nearly at the lake, and his suspicions were confirmed moments later.

He wasn’t prepared for the colour of the lake. He stopped in his tracks, taking in the sight of it all. The reflected likeness of the trees in the still aqua green water, the dead ones hanging from the banks, tracing the surface of the water with withered branches...all came together to form a scene he wouldn’t forget. 

Thelonius nudged his arm, breaking the momentary spell.

“What is this place?” Nasir asked, reaching back to stroke the horse’s face.

“It’s called Refuge Lake. A great little day hike, if I do say so,” Agron informed. Nasir silently agreed. He heard Agron dismount from behind and approach, but Thelonius was none too pleased. Nasir corrected him by pushing his head away from Spartan and Agron, though his ears remained pinned. He didn’t have to like it, he just had to tolerate it. 

“Let’s grab some lunch, hm?” Agron suggested. Nasir’s stomach grumbled, as if in answer. Apparently it was audible, because Agron laughed. “I believe we put it on your pony?”

Nasir snorted. “Pony?”

“Term of endearment, little man.” Nasir didn’t even need to look to tell that Agron said it with a wink. He rustled around until he found the hastily packed sandwiches, and they tethered the horses to separate trees near the lake, so they could drink if they chose. One thing Nasir had learned for sure in his scant days of experience: it truly was impossible to make a horse drink if they didn’t want to.

They pulled up a seat on a couple of rocks not too far away, and ate with gusto. They were in no rush, but simply hungry.

“I know I may not convey it enough, but I want you to know I’m really proud of you. You’ve come a long way in such a short time, much faster than I ever took to it. You have a natural talent,” Agron said. Nasir scoffed.

“I think it’s just the long hours we’ve been practicing...the praise is well received, though. Thank you,” he returned.

“You know, part of the magic of horses is learning confidence. They’re tough teachers - if you lack confidence, they know it, and take advantage of that. Well, except for a few very special horses,” Agron added, looking pointedly at Spartan.

“I wonder how Thelonius will react. I’m by no means fully confident...at least, not yet.”

“Tomorrow, we will know,” Agron said. “And if his manner with you on the ground is anything to go by, I’d say all will go very smoothly.” 

The day was growing warm, prompting Agron to take his outer layer off. Partly out of consideration of the temperature, and partly out of his own selfishness, he asked, “Is this lake ok to swim in?”

“I never have, but that doesn’t mean it’s not. I dunno, I always kind of figured I’d muck it up somehow, make it less clean,” Agron answered.

“You’re as worthy as any other animal that might use it to cool off...you demean yourself too readily,” Nasir pointed out. Agron chuckled.

“No, no: I mean, if anyone sets foot in there, it’ll stir the muck up at the bottom and the colour won’t be the same. It’ll turn all silty,” Nasir felt a little embarrassed at his conclusion. “But...I suppose it will settle and return to normal, in time,” he added, eyeing Nasir wolfishly. 

He began taking off the rest of his clothes, inching closer to the water all the while. He was kind of making a show of it, but then he stepped on something in the grass. Cussing, hopping on one foot (and in naught but his boxers), he tried to identify the source of the pain. Nasir couldn’t help it; he burst out laughing, earning him a glare that could have shamed a snake.

Deciding to test his luck, he stepped in to help his hapless lover. “Here, let me see,” he said gently, bending over to get a closer look. What he didn’t take into account was their proximity to the water’s edge, and using this advantage, Agron shoved him into the lake, clothes and all.

The water was an icy shock, though not deep, and Nasir soon found his footing. He surfaced, spluttering, and mustered the most venomous expression he could conjure. Agron was too busy roaring with laughter to notice.

“You shit!” Nasir swore at him, combing his entire arm over the water to aim a wave at him. He dodged, but some got him on the back. Hissing in frustration, Nasir made his way through the reeds and out of the lake, pursuing his (now fleeing) boyfriend. He didn’t give so much as a sound of warning before pouncing, and he tackled Agron to the ground, pinning him under his lesser weight.

“You should ride less, then next time you might be able to outpace me,” Nasir jibed.

“Well, let’s be honest. Is this really such a tragic position?” Agron countered. Nasir dragged his wet hair over his face purposefully, causing him to grimace and turn away, arms still pinned at his sides.

“You tell me.”

“Cut it out!” Agron pleaded. 

Nasir complied, but added, “Make me.”

Agron craned his neck upwards as best he could and pressed their lips together, and Nasir released his arms, which soon found their way onto Nasir’s back, roaming down to his hips. Nasir responded with fervour.

They didn’t get any further before an abrupt rustling noise caught their attention from the bush. Agron pushed Nasir aside, suddenly alert, scanning for anything that might be amiss. He looked over Nasir’s shoulder, and his eyes widened. He pointed, and Nasir turned to behold a bull moose, body stiff and ears trained on them.

“Don’t. Move.” Agron whispered. It was just a moose, and Nasir didn’t understand the fear in Agron’s hushed voice. Nevertheless, he obeyed. Agron shifted just slightly, and the moose responded by shying away from them, trotting back into the bush at an alarmingly fast gait.

“Well...maybe we should head back,” Agron proposed. Nasir knew he was nervous, and so obliged him willingly enough.

Agron was mounted only moments later, and Nasir followed behind him, back down the trail that brought them there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could apologize again for the lateness, but honestly, I think this might be the pattern for the summer. I have a couple of art commissions on the go as well, and combined with a full-time job, writing hours are scant. I beg your patience with me!
> 
> Refuge Lake is totally made up. For the beginning of the story, I looked at the location on google Earth for inspiration, but I took liberties with that spot. But it is based on a real place!


End file.
